BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Self Development Choosing Self-Love

Would anyone like to share their experiences with learning how to fully love oneself? This is something I am striving to improve every day. I always been completely selfless while I see others be selfish. I believe there is a saying in Buddhism:

Put yourself Ahead of others but not at their expense;
Put others ahead of you but not at your expense.

This is the perfect saying.

How do you go about learning to love yourself (without hurting other people, without turning narcissistic)? Are any of you similar to me - growing up with self-hatred due to a very hard childhood?

I try not to criticize myself as much!

I find it difficult to learn to concept of truly loving myself.I having a hard time getting negative thoughts out of mind that I am an unworthy person. This central thought has been around since childhood, and just recently trying to work on it. I have started therapy and trying to journal daily. Any other tips will help me greatly.

I try to remind myself that God thinks I'm worthy or I would not be here. When I look at it this way, I'm naturally reminded that the same holds true for everyone else. Knowing other people are loved by God helps me see them as worthy of respect--assuming, of course, that they are not misusing their free will by being hurtful to others.

I think most of us feel like we don't know much about self-love. But i bet everyone knows a little. Sometimes we know what not to do, and even knowing that can help us know the opposite will probably work.

Star, i have trouble with negative thoughts, too. I call it "picking at myself." I noticed i do it more when i am stressed or over-tired, or if someone has been angry with me. Now i try to reduce my stress, get sleep before i get too tired, and avoid toxic people. That helps some.

I also try to be aware when i am thinking negative things about myself. I don't always notice... i'm guessing it is that way for other people, too. But when i do notice i try to stop, then tell myself no, then say something nice about myself. I think also it helps to generally say more nice things about myself.

What if we kept a journal (or wrote here) and had to say three nice things about ourselves every day?

I know i love my friends very much.
I know i try very hard to do better.
I know i'm good at knitting.

Is it hard to say nice things about yourself? Try it here and see if you are uncomfortable doing it.

Hi Starr:
I have also started therapy about six months ago and it has opened my eyes.
My problem on not loving myself was ingrained in me from childhood - I felt like I wasn't worthy due to all of the bad things that happened. I felt like I deserved all of these bad situations. I am working on that - knowing that it wasn't my fault. I had no one to help me at the time, so I invision myself as that child, and I show understanding and acceptance to that child. It is a daily struggle but I know it is attainable to all of us.
I hope you have a good therapist?

What can you say that is nice about yourself, BillieCat, Starr, Cela, anyone?

I know I am a hard worker
I know I love to learn
I know I look younger than I am

I am not sure how my therapy is going. It seems my therapist focus on my stressors in my present life. I think I could deal with the things of my family life on my own. I really wanted the therapist to focus on my past to help me figure out my severe low self esteem issues. I just feel like my sessions are not really getting deep enough.

I know I am a good massage therapist
I know I have high moral and ethical values
I know I can make pretty Jewelry

I think my problem is finding boundries. I tend to go all or nothing. I tell everyone everything or I tell them nothing at all. I love someone whole heartedly or I hate them with a passion. I dont have a inbetween on anything. plus I have fear of abandenment and rejection. I have stoped caring what others think of me as far as how i look or dress or my weight. if they dont like it they dont have to look at me! big deal!!! but the ones that i love and respect can walk all over me and say anything and I am too afraide they will leave or reject me so I dont stand up for myself.... Im weird I guess

Starr:
Have you told your therapist you want to take it in another direction? They are usually open to your desires if you ask them. You can always change therapists if you aren't happy in their methods.
I am talking about my past with my therapist and looking at the causes of not loving myself.