BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids manipualation into parenthood

I read about the "mothering" dynamic that women have. Some guys have learned to exploit it well. The so called rebels without a cause, the ones who are endearing because they can't balance a check book and their lives are a mess...they always find a woman who wants to set their lives straight, in other words be their Mother.

I think women are subtly taught that men are the superior sex even though it requires a woman to prop them up. This mothering attitude is perpetuated not only to make sure people have children but to make sure that men who can't keep track of their life have someone to babysit them.

LOL!!! and like I always say
If I want to be a mommy I will have my own kids!
If I want to be a maid I will get paid to be the maid!
and if i wanted to be treated like a whore I would walk the street and get paid more then you will ever see!!!

I dont buy into the i have to play stupid and mother a man or pick up after him. I stand by my man not prop him up! if he cant take care of hisself why do I want him?

My grandmother used to say "don't do anything in the first year of marriage, you don't intend to do for your entire marriage" - she felt many women thought it romantic (initially) to pick up after their husband and to rush around doing everything - she expected our grandfather to help out - she was definitely ahead of her time.

mmm and where was your grandma 2 years ago when I got married?!!
lol

i also tend to gravitate towards independent or foreign films. we have an arthouse theater which only shows these kinds in our neighborhood.my hubby and i love going there. it's an old theater with one huge screen.it's a great experience going there.

i wish more people would have the guts to write books, films without the "formulaic" plots.

a little off topic but somewhat related to this topic.i was watching oprah yesterday and she had this author on.i believe her name was Elizabeth. she wrote a book called Eat,Pray and Love and it was basically about her journey of self-discovery after a divorce. what struck me though was what she said in the interview. oprah asked her why she left her marriage and she basically said that she wasn't living her true life and that the cement breaker was the issue of kids. she didn't want kids and that she realized that she didn't want to be a mother b/c she didn't want to desperately be one. she said that she felt that society put pressure on women to live a certain way:get married and have kids thing. i just shouted at the tv! yes!i was so thrilled to hear her CF stance on national tv and be respected for it. she did wind up getting married again a while later but she doesn't have kids. now i want to read that book partly b/c of her attitude. it was really refreshing to see that.

indigo

"Have any of you guys been in a relationship that got to a point where you should have broken up but you got married or moved in together and later relized you choose the wrong thing and should have broken up? "

Lisa, this kind of hit home because I just recently got out of a an "on again, off again" relationship of almost four years. When things were good I almost moved in and the idea of marriage was never far off. The issue was kids and my comfort factor with that whole lifestyle. She has a nine year old and wants more. Though she respects my decision, a conversation we had just yesterday brought to mind the whole manipulation idea. "Having kids is just what you do" she said. "You meet someone, fall in love, get married and have kids. It's the Circle of Life." Who says you have to have kids? I replied. "You don't see wild animals not having offspring, do you?" she responded. Then I went into how humans are doing just fine populating the earth, and well....the conversation went downhill from there. I'm not saying she was manipulated into this thinking. If she wants to have kids great. But it was her black and white stance on everything that just irritated me. She is the epitome of a formula.....this is what people do.

That's what I love too Indigo. Our local arthouse cinema even has a cat (except the cat's lately gone missing which is terrible...). There is a stylish cafe right next door where you can have a meal or coffee or glass of wine, so we like to get our tickets nice and early and then relax and bond over conversation. Generally it's not that crowded so we can curl up in our seats away from people and get absorbed by the film. I have never seen a child in that cinema yet. The whole experience is a wonderful way to spend a Sunday afternoon (especially a rainy one).



That's so great!!! Thanks for letting us know about that. I will look out for the book.

I used to be a huge movie buff, but the shlock Hollywood has put out for years now has really put me off. There is an Indie place right nearby me and I have to start going again. I want to support it too.....it's a bit of fresh air amidst the mainstream garbage that makes so much money.....is it because the "herd" mentality is not interested in anything else ?

Oh, one more thing. All these digital effects give me a headache. I genuinely believe that our attention spans have become severely shortened. If there isn't a quick edit, a loud explosion or a mind blowing visual every minute we lose interest. What happened to character development, witty dialogue, a good story? Slow paced doesn't mean boring !! Yeesh. Rant over.

Terrence - I made a point of steering clear of traditional men and men who definitely wanted children as a young woman - even at that point I doubted I would ever want to have children and certainly didn't want to be part of a traditional marriage - I'd start dismantling things if I was locked in a house all week!
If you're in a relationship with someone who wants kids - is black and white about it - I think you have a problem.
I think some men just give in or the women just ends up pregnant and then your life is changed forever. Or the relationship breaks up over the issue - if the woman stays and respects your decision she could end up resenting you.
Sorry, but I think its a difficult situation and will put pressure on your relationship.
My brother didn't get away - he was about to break up with a woman desperate to have her 4th baby. (try and work that out!!) The 3 children from her first marriage are a total mess - a very unstable woman who seems to have kids to satisfy her own needs - they had only been together for 3 months - well, you guessed it - she got pregnant and now my brothers life is very difficult. Certainly not the life he had in mind.
I think men need to take control - if you don't want that life then don't leave yourself wide open because sadly, there are women who will take matters into their own hands.
Not saying your partner will do that - but it seems to me you have a huge difference about a major life issue - that would have been a deal breaker for me.