BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Glad I found you

Yes, sorry about that! I'm not sure what was with me yesterday - I was very verbose. I did calm down later and sit quietly in the garden....

Great to read your similar experience...

No apologies necessary Feebee...I loved your long post. That part at the end with the harried mother was very funny. I'd much rather be the one going back to bed too!

My 20-year high school reunion is coming up. I'd always planned to go (didn't go to the 10th) because it would be interesting to see people. I'd have to take a plane to get there, and stay with my family. I was planning to go without my husband, because he'd probably be bored and impatient not knowing anyone. Now my work is really busy and I'm thinking of not going. Does anyone have any opinions/experiences from their reunion? We've talked about our experiences with weddings and baby showers, but I don't recall any discussions about reunions. I hate to admit it, but part of me knows I'll get bingo-ed, or get the "Oh you're missing out on the best thing in life" remarks so much that it's almost enough to make me not want to go. I wasn't going to let that stop me, but still it does bother me a little.

I went to my 20 year reunion -- out of my class of 150, only 20 people were there -- and I think of the people there, all but me and one other person (who I did not know when I was in HS) had children. I noticed that half of them were single parents, the other people that were married had been married before and remarried -- so overall, life was not very good, relationship-wise, with those people there. So.... maybe being CF does have its advantages with regards to being married to someone.

Hello to all of you who have responded to my wife's (CDT) search for help and comfort in answering the eternal question: children or no children. I was married to a wonderful woman for 30 years before breast cancer took her away...we had 3 wonderful sons and I would not have given up that experience for anything...but I will always remember one thing that she said to me as we conversed in our "closing time"...she said that she had married the right man only 5 years too soon. We had our first child only 14 months after we were married. She was barely 22. We never had a chance to be on our own, without kids. Also, she never had a chance to live by herself and be totally independent, proving to herself that she could survive in the world without "a man".

I have come to realize that a woman's ability to feel independent is paramont in developing a strong interdependent relationship with a man. There is nothing any more real when describing your marriage than "before kids" and "after kids". I have lived it...To assume that we all need to be parents can be the biggest mistake made in a relationship. It is an extremely personal decision that each person must make for him/herself and shared with and discussed in depth with their partner, reaching a conclusion with which both are comfortable.

I absolutly adore CDT...and her anguish about the "child question" really tears me up...I am soooo glad she has found peers who can share their feelings with her and let her know that she is not alone in her thoughts. Frankly, I'm amazed that such a forum exists!!! Back before the Internet, people were stuck with thir small circle of friends and family, not knowing that there were other ways of thinking about issues...

Keep up the good work. An open forum keeps the jucies flowing and the mind working. (And I like to read all the diverse comments!)
Thanks again RFB

Wow, thanks RFB. I too have been through all this anguish and my husband has had to live through it with me (he has a 20-year-old son, plus fertility issues, and does not really want to go through it all over again). I too have been amazed at this forum and it has been so helpful to me. Great to hear from you!

Yes, I'm sorry I didn't find a forum like this 10 years ago when I was going through "the final panic" - I sometimes felt very alone.
I think it's important to find like minded people otherwise you can feel very isolated - and even start to think you're odd. My husband's firm is very traditional - he was asked when he was planning to start a family at his interview! (his response, "I don't see how that's relevant")
The firm Christmas party has always been pure hell - wall to wall prams, baby capsules, pregnant women, screaming toddlers - I used to feel like the elephant man (or woman) and feigning interest in baby's every grimace for 3 hours was exhausting. Our strategy - we make an appearance and then have to go (such busy people!) and head straight to the nearest wine bar!
We have an interesting mix of friends and have lots of fun outings, dinner parties and weekends away....
But you still have to pick your events/functions - some should be avoided like the black death!

RFB, I'm so sorry to hear about your first wife.