BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Work Gathering

A colleague of mine is having a child soon. She looks like she is ready to explode! Anyway, they are having a surprise gathering for her tomorrow before she leaves on maternity leave. They collected money and such for her newborn. I don't work with her often, but I do want to wish her congrats and the best (you know, small talk). I 'd rather avoid the whole scene because I'll be inundated with the joyful glee of past, present anf future "Moms to be." It's something I am not entirely comfortable with. Is it wrong for me to skip this whole thing and wish her the best in private?

Yes, definitely.
If you feel awkward - make an excuse. I've been doing it for years!
I think its easier for men to avoid these gatherings - people assume you'll feel uncomfortable with the inevitable discussion on the pros and cons of epidurals, natural childbirth, breastfeeding etc.
I attended one shower when I was 30 and newly married and to my horror I received a constant stream of questions as to my reproductive intentions - talk about ducking and weaving....I've avoided them ever since.
DON'T GO....
unless its an informal gathering of workmates - then you can mix with the other CF people if things start to heat up...
I always assumed it was fine for men to say they didn't want children, that women got all the flack - in fact, it seems to me, they are rarely asked about children...am I wrong?
I notice when high profile women are being interviewed - the question of children always comes up - not so with men...even female politicians in Australia are often criticized for not having children - in one case the criticism came from a CF man - talk about hypocrisy!
My husband is a reserved man - not easily drawn into discussions about personal matters (unless he wants to be) so he felt no pressure at all about not wanting kids - he was always puzzled why people upset me or were rude or condescending. He'd just say "kids are optional and I've opted to opt out".
Love to hear your thoughts.

I don't think you should feel quilty about avoiding occasions you are uncomfortable with. Whether it be a baby shower or whatever else.
For me, its funerals. I don't go anymore.

Skipping the shower in favor of a private well-wishing sounds like a great idea. I don't think anyone would think twice about it.

As far as men being bingoed is concerned, my husband has been. He's had other guys get downright nasty with him for his choice not to have children. He works in construction, so I wonder if the prominent machismo attitude has something to do with it.

This gives me an idea : next time a friend gets married, I'll buy him/her a huge basket of condoms. Then IF they tell me they got pregnant one day, I'll look all offended, because apparently, they didn't use/like my wedding present to them! Hahahahaha! I feel so evil!!!!

Terrence,

I don't like baby showers, but I went to one for a co-worker almost a year ago, that was thrown by the entire department). I never felt so uncomfortable. Well, I did, but that was for a wedding inside a big church -- another story entirely . Anyway, I learned my lesson. My very close co-worker's wife is pregnant, so I know that within 7-8 months, a shower will be held at work (the women in the office deem it necessary to "celebrate" this occasion). I will bow out of it and make myself unavailable. I'd rather do work than deal with the "Awwwwwsss" and "Isn't that cute???" BS.

To put it simply, I'm not going -- and "fun" events like that, since they are torture to me, are events I will not attend.

People around here know my stance on children very well, so I think it will be expected that I will not be available that day, whenever it comes by.

Doing something in private, out of sight of the bingo-ers, would be best if your pregnant friend isn't a bingo-er. It might be too late now, but that is how I see it.

Just go for a little white. You can always leave at any time. My excuse always is, "I've had enough of 'oohhs and aahhs' and 'oh so cute' for today!"

I used to work for this company, lets just say it was THE job from hell. I was nominated by the director of our department along with a friend to be the one who purchased birthday presents and arranged the decorations (which was cool) but we also had to do the engagement parties and the baby showers. MIND YOU, it took up alot of my time and of course I had no real choice when I was nominated. I didn't have the choice to escape, my boss would have had a hissy had I needed to leave.

I don't care for work functions like this. I have a circle of friends that I celebrate things like this with. It feels somehow contrived and disingenuine when its forced on you at work.

Not that it's at work, but I have a baby shower for my cousin coming up at the end of this month, and I'll probably be the only young married woman there without kids.....I'm hoping that I don't get bingoed too many times, and there probably won't be any annoying nagging from my family members, but all of the other people are who I'm worried about bugging me. I just want to go with my mom and have a nice time and then hang out with her the rest of the day - I just hope it goes as well as planned!