BellaOnline Forums Family 12 Step Recovery Sponsorship

Do you think there should be criteria that must be met before someone can be a 12 Step Recovery sponsor? Let me know either through this forum or email!

Kathy L.

I am researching sponsorship myself, and read that it is recommended that a sponsor have about 2 years sobriety or close to that and have completed all of the 12 steps. Also, sponsor should be same sex for best results

JennaRae,

Just a question. Who is making the recommendation that a sponsor have 2 years? Curious only because it must be coming from individual fellowships since I know nothing of any type of recommendation from literature or from central office. I agree with completion of the 12 steps but I personally don't know anyone who waits for 2 years unless they personally wish to. Anyway, I'm not questioning, I'm curious. Thanks for the info.

Do any of you out there have a length of sobriety rule to sponsor?

Kathy L.
12 Step Recovery Editor

Hi Kathy L.

I quote from "The Recovery Book" by AJ Mooney, MD, Arlene Eisenberg, and Howard Eisenberg. Copy right 1992, page 114, under choosing a sponsor....."*Long Sobriety. If you select someone who is not much further along in sobriety than you, the relationship could be a disaster for you both. It's generally best if a sponsor has at least three or four years of sobriety, although some people turn out to be good at the job after just two years of solid recovery."

I am new at all of the AA "stuff" and procedures, but I personally would feel able to lean on/ reach out to, someone more easily, knowing that they have had some time built up being sober in handling life's hard times without turning to chemical help. As far as it being a "requirement", I dont agree. As some meeting groups might be to small and not have enough people to offer sponsorship that would be able to meet any certain requirements. A sponsor with only six months sobriety is better than no sponsor at all.

JennaRae,

Thanks for the info. I respect the opinion of the authors but my own experience tells me that time isn't always an important factor. I look at the overall life experience a person has, how they share, how they are of service, and qualities that maybe you can't really put a finger on. I have seen sponsoring take a person from "on the edge" to working a great program. I have also seen sponsors with many years of sobriety relapse. I guess the point is, we have to find the person who has what we want (one of my favorite phrases) and not everything works for all people. Maybe I should have added that praying to choose the right sponsor and listening to what your Higher Power tells you would be the absolute best thing! If the person is truly listening, I doubt if they could go wrong! Thanks again for the info. I hope you did not feel I was questioning the subject; just very curious since I know AA does not have any opinion on this matter.

Kathy L.
12 Step Recovery

Kathy L.
What you say is true, if two people click and start to grow with working the program together, and most of all, are asking their Higher Power for peace about the person they have chosen, and each other feels confident about each other then they should go for it.

Are we the only ones writing to this forum? I guess it is fairly new - I was glad to read your daily devotions and look forward to sharing some of my own.

Peace out
jennarae

I am thankful for my sponsor and yet I feel myself pulling away from her, feeling to busy to meet with her and even feeling like I dont want to talk long on the phone. It is a new thing for me, she feels like a friendship but at the same time I know it is a different kind of relationship. When we talk she says it is supposed to be mainly "just about me", but out of courtesy I always ask about how she is and how her life is going. It feels pretty special to have her concerned about me and yet only after 90 days, i feel myself wanting to give cliche answers, everythings ok, doing fine , doing this , doing that, glad to be sober, yata, yata , yata. oh well, one day at a time right? but I know it is a priviledge to have her in my life and want to remind myself with this writing that it is up to me to make the most of this relationship she is offering and that I would be sad if I let it dry up out of lethargy and lose the opportunity that she is giving me to grow and experience. Tomorrow I shall renew my zest to grow my relationship with my sponser!!

JennaRae, thanks so much for your share. I can only tell you that all of us have been through what you described because we do believe we know what is best for us. So how did that work for you before your sponsor? Probably not very well. I think once you get further on in your recovery, you will feel different about your sponsor and you will have a very mutual friendship. She will share with you as much as you share with her. If you have any specific questions, you can always email me at this site. The sponsor/sponsee relationship can be a real up and down thing. Right now the most important thing for you is that if you have not done Step 4 & 5, that you trust her to the nth degree to do it with you. Once you take those steps with her, I think you will appreciate what she gives you in a different way. If you have gone through those steps and feel this way, I think you need to pray to be open and teachable. This is humility. Keep in touch either through the forum or better yet, email me. May God continue to bless you.

The AA Big Book doesn't even talk about sponsors per se, but gives alot of suggestions for how to work with others.

The suggestion I was given was to find someone who has worked all the 12 steps, works out the big book, and has a sponsor themselves.

When I work with others, I don't require them to call me everyday as I hear some folks are instructed (the book says that they are under no obligation to us), and I try to avoid giving them advice on their lives--their jobs, their relationships, etc. I do ask that they be willing to go to any length to find a relationship with a Higher Power, and to help others.

Not sure if this addressed the original question or not, but hopefully it helps.

The original question when this was first posted was that many believe a sponsor should have at least a minimum of like 2+ years in recovery. I disagree. I agree with you 100% including you have to want what your sponsor has. Many folks have been in recovery for a long time but I'm not sure I would want them as a sponsor. Sponsors are but guides bringing the newcomer closer to a Higher Power. Thanks for your comments. They are always appreciated.