I'm a new user and wasn't sure how to post. I have had a rocky relationship with my only sister since I can remember. We are now in our early 50s. My Father passed away a week ago and we were both with him when he died. My sister is an alcoholic and has been abusing my Mum and myself. I have had enough. She has always hated anyone that became close to my parents- particularly my Father but she wasn't upset when he passed. She just wanted to arrange the funeral the way she wanted it. The eulogy which she wrote and delivered was all about her. I asked for a couple of lines to be put in and she wouldn't. I just want to understand why she behaves like this.
Is your sisters name Donna? Just kidding, she sounds just like my sister Donna. I have to tell you that IF you are a normal person, you will probably never truly understand why this person behaves this way. Continueing to have her in your life and let her get away with her behavior is enabling her and letting her steal your life from you. Get away from her as fast as you can.
I have had to do this with both my brother and sister. When my Father died, it was a nightmare. There was always jealousy, to me thats what sibling relationship is, its all about control and jealousy, self absorption and manipulation. I am the youngest so I get hit with alot of it and my parents seemed powerless to see what was happening or to protect me.
My siblings are like people who are drowning, they will drag me down with them since I would prefer to live and don't have the ability to help them, I have let them go. I have made it known in the past that I think they need help which of course they will not get. I am the only member of a completely disfunctional family who has gone to a therapist in an effort to live a REAL life.
I am sorry for your loss, loosing a parent, even when your grown up can feel like its turning your life on end, I know it did mine. Don't allow your sister to get away with this anymore. If she is abusing your elderly Mother, you are legally bound to report her to the authories, Elder Abuse is no different then Child Abuse and is investigated in a similar fashion. It would be good to get as much evidence as you can of your sisters drinking problem and her abuses to hand over to the authorities. Depending on what they find, it could result on a restraining order.
That might sound extreme, you probably have always thought about your family being together no matter how sick your sister is. However, keeping it all together is what is feeding your sisters disfunction. Cut her off and make her take responsibility for her own life or you will enable her to continue.