BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Question on age....

My fiance and I are 23, and 24. We were in the same dilemma a few months ago. We decided to leave our options open, and went with other forms of contraception. However, I do understand your frustration. No one can tell you what you will want 10-15 years from now. I hope you find a solution that works for you.

I think what bothers me more than anything, is that I'm not trusted to be an adult. I can vote, go to war (been there done that), buy a house, and any number of things, but I can't make the decision to get a vasectomy?? Seems wrong. On top of that..do to circumstances occuring during her childhood, my wife will not have kids, and she is adamant about that, she will never do it. I got lucky in finding someone who thinks the same way I do about children. Neither of us feel the need to prove our worth in life by becoming breeders. I almost feel slighted against that my wife and I are not trusted to make an active decision in our own lives.

Skeeter

It's just as hard in the UK to get sterilised...I'm almost 35 but doctors still think they know my mind better than I do; I've lost count at the amount of times I've been refused a sterilisation. This is after being in a 12 year relationship with ample opportunity to have kids if I'd wished, and another relationship splitting partly because he wanted kids and I didn't.

It's really frustrating, isn't it?

it...but wish me luck everyone I have an appointment with the surgeon here in the hospital in about 5 hours...with any luck (and maybe some begging) I will get approved....you would think they would cut me some slack since I work in the same hospital.



Skeeter

Good luck!

Skeeter, when you put it in terms of "you are old enough to go to war but cannot make your own decision to get a vasectomy" it seems even more absurd.

Society tells you that it is okay for you to make the decision to risk your life in war....but you are NOT qualified to make the decision as to whether you want to create a NEW life???

Sigh. Good luck on your appointment!

Skeeter, you make some excellent points. I can also see both sides of the argument, b/c I have changed a lot since I was 24. But I will say that I knew at 24 I didn't want kids, and that hasn't changed. You must feel pretty darn confident in your CF stance if you are willing to have the procedure done.

I also think it's ridiculous that women are encouraged to have babies at 18, but you can't have a vasectomy at 24. I would keep trying. I understand wanting to get the procedure done so there isn't a shadow of a doubt that you could end up with a baby. I feel very strongly about this, too, as do most people on this board. You know what you want, and I'm sure if you are persistent you will be successful. Good luck.

My official happy update...
The consult appointment went well..I ended up with a very friendly Male surgeon...who is 31 and is happy to be CF..he is a bit cynical and feels that he is saving the world one vasectomy at a time...but it worked in my favor. My pre-op is tommorow afternoon with the procedure going on Friday...so in no time at all..I will be hobbling around the house screaming for ice...

Skeeter

That's great news Skeeter! Congratulations!

After what has been said here about having problems getting a doctor to perform this procedure on people who are younger and have no children, maybe CF people should start a listing of doctors who are sympathetic to your way of thinking.

I have had problems finding doctors I FIT with (not on this topic) AND I know how hard it makes the entire experience.

My personal peeve with doctors is when they want to feed you narcotics rather then fixing the root problem.