BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Sterilization as Contraception

The whole sterilisation thing makes me SOOOO mad. Like Charlie pointed out, you can be a waste of oxygen and pop out a baby at 21, but you can't choose not to? And when will people realise that for every fence sitter, there is a CF person who is sure to the very marrow of their bones that this will NEVER be what they want, and their minds will never change? (I'm one, so I know!) A BIG ME TOO ON THAT ONE!

It's going to be interesting later this year, when I start investigating my own sterilisation (I quit the BC after 21 years on it when the ex left, and I'm not going back!) I know healthcare here covers tubals but not Essure, and it's going to be fun to see what sort of reactions I get, having never had children...

Best of luck. I hope you get a doctor just like the urologist who snipped me. A doctor who is professional, courteous, does their job and isn't a jacka$$ busy body.

Here is my post on the daily mail site. Due to space limitations, the first paragraph will be printed but not the 2nd.

Mike

One year ago I underwent a successful vasectomy at age 36. Fortunately for me, the urologist who performed the procedure was professional, courteous and made zero comments about my choice. I consider it the best $160 I ever spent! I have been single for five months after a 2 year relationship ended. My firm childfree stance has not wavered one bit. I absolutely refuse to date women that have kids or want kids. My next girlfriend may have different hobbies than me and/or, may have differing political views. She will definitely be childfree and be very happy to be relieved of the burden of birth control. Here is my message to Sadie Nichols: People like Charlie, Sarah and myself who have taken responsibility BY NOT HAVING KIDS are not commenting or quizzing you about your personal life. Please refrain from commenting about our personal lives. The final two sentences in your article are idiotic and uncalled for.

I am appalled at doctors who refuse to perform sterilizations for men and women. Is there such a thing as a shortage of unplanned/unwanted pregnancies in the world? Of course not! If people change their mind in the future about children, they can pay the cost to reverse the sterilization or pursue adoption. Furthermore there are countless ways to be involved in a children's lives without being a parent. Youth groups, scout groups, big brother/big sister, mentoring and tutoring are a few examples. There will always be a need for adult volunteers with such groups.

Yeah, I would say a child is an absolute. And I don't want there to be even a fraction of a chance that I could get pregnant. We are ridiculously careful, but I always hear these horror stories about women that get pregnant despite being on birth control. It's nice for these women to know they don't have to worry about it.

I think we make all kinds of decisions in life, but people get up in arms about the kid decision. The thing is - if you have a kid, it's permanent. But getting fixed doesn't mean you can't adopt later. So it really isn't completely permanent. I guess other life decisions are semi-permanent, because, largely, you can change course in your career. And that's one of the things that appeals to me about the CF life, you always have choices and options. But like Linda Hirshman said in her book, once you make the "choice" to have kids, you can only choose from a smaller subset of choices. I could never do that to myself.

And if we are sterilized, and later on experience regret, and find that reversal or adoption aren't an option due to whatever reasons (both are expensive and not always successful), what is it to those busybodies? How does it harm or affect them? Like Mike said, there's no shortage of unwanted and unplanned pregnancies in the world! And lots of other ways to provide a positive influence to children, and in actuality, probably MORE children than it is possible for most parents to reach, due to being free from the demands of parenthood! I guess they can point their fingers and laugh "I told you so!" Sorry, I'd rather take the chance on regretting not having kids than regretting having them.

Cindy

Too bad there aren't forms you have to read and sign before becoming pregnant that have similar warnings, as those are also possibilities in that case! Women can DIE or experience lingering health issues from pregnancies, labor and delivery, and according to True Mom Confessions, apparently quite a few experience regret as well!

Cindy

I already have one child (didn't really want any, but thems the breaks) and though I love her dearly, I DO NOT WANT ANOTHER. Yet I find myself pregnant again. It is the LAW that I must have at least 2 children befor I can get my tubes tied. Stupid law, I know, but there it is. I'd dearly love to have the relief of not having to take pills or injections to prevent conception.

The way I look it at is that no matter what method a woman uses on her self to PREVENT a child, she CAN get pregnant if she desires. Even with all the cutting, burning, tying, etc of her tubes, any stupid doctor can collect an egg as it tries to make its way down the blocked tube, inject the man's seed into it and implant the egg into the uterus. TADA! A child is created and born. As I constantly tell my father, "there is always a way to beat the mouse trap; it's just a matter of desire and creativity".

CC: I know, most parents would love to rent their kids out for the afternoon. So there is plenty of opportunity hang out with kids, if one should desire to do so. As far as the side effects of pregnancy, I don't think anyone knows about them! No one I know talks about them. My fiance's sister is a doctor, and she had her last child when she was 35 and her husband was 46, I think. That could have been a disaster. But I guess people don't care, as long as they get their bio child.

This girl I used to know got pregnant in her mid 20s. She wasn't married, but decided to keep the baby. Well, she ended up with cancer (can't remember which kind, Ovarian? maybe). And supposedly the pregnancy brought on the cancer, all the hormones or something. Talk about a double whammy! She's fine now, miraculously. But she's still single, and I think her boy is like 10 or something. She's really lucky to be alive. But I'm sure guys aren't beating down her door to help her raise her near teenage son.

So, the lawmakers in Arkansas know your mind, desire and ability to raise a certain number of children better than you do? How truly sad. I didn't know we had any laws like that in this country, I thought it was mostly doctors who set the "limits" as to who could get fixed or not.

Suppose you went to a clinic and said you had two kids, how would they know if you didn't? Yeah, I know a doctor could tell if you had delivered a full-term child, but what if you told them that you had early miscarriages and didn't want that heartache anymore? Or said you and your husband were raising his children from other relationships and couldn't risk adding to the financial burden with other children? What then?

Sorry, this just sounds so ridiculous that it could be a LAW....if I lived in Arkansas, I'd lobby to get that law changed!

Cindy

I'm confused, if a woman is trying to prevent pregnancy, why would she desire it?

I'd just move to somewhere without idiots in positions of legal power.

Can you travel somewhere else outside Arkansas and have the procedure done? If it were me, and I really felt strongly about it, I'd arrange a little vacation to New Mexico and see Mike's doc.