BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Sterilization as Contraception

I don't know if you guys say this on another site, but I thought it was interesting.

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AND YET ANOTHER STATEMENT IN THE ARTICLE THAT LACKS JOURNALISTIC INTEGRITY

"Sexual health organisation Marie Stopes International recently reported a one per cent increase in the number of private sterilisations performed on women under 30 last year, while NHS figures for female sterilisations as a whole rose by a similar amount.

For those who already have children, yearn for them or are unable to conceive, such figures will make unpalatable reading."

Why does it make unpalatable reading? People want different things. Should people that don't want kids have them just because other people can't have them? What the hell?

That is SO stupid. Isn't it more unpalatable for people who can't have children (and want them) to hear all the time about people popping out kids right and left??? Why should someone who wants kids care at all whether or not someone else has them? Someone else having a child doesn't exactly "fulfill" that longing for another person, does it? What a load of BS.

This has always confused me as well - like the friend that was "deeply offended bacause she was struggling with infertility". How does another person making the choice to be sterilised have anything to do with affecting YOUR fertility? Is she suggesting that just because I could have a baby if I chose to, I should have one for you, because you can't, and give it to you because you "yearn to be a mother"? (Like the bio-snobs would even take a baby that wasn't "theirs", anyway.)

The whole sterilisation thing makes me SOOOO mad. Like Charlie pointed out, you can be a waste of oxygen and pop out a baby at 21, but you can't choose not to? And when will people realise that for every fence sitter, there is a CF person who is sure to the very marrow of their bones that this will NEVER be what they want, and their minds will never change? (I'm one, so I know!)

Someone pointed out that if this was cosmetic surgery, they'd do it in a heartbeat. So what's the big deal here? I might change my mind? So what if I do - how is it your problem? Let me sign the release, and have at her!

It's going to be interesting later this year, when I start investigating my own sterilisation (I quit the BC after 21 years on it when the ex left, and I'm not going back!) I know healthcare here covers tubals but not Essure, and it's going to be fun to see what sort of reactions I get, having never had children...

I wonder what goes on with women that change their minds anyway. Do they genuinely suddenly want kids, or do they get overwhelmed with all of the peer pressure, and just have them? I'm sure it's different for every woman, but I'm just curious about that.

As far as infertile women getting hurt, come on. Then I guess we can be hurt if someone undergoes infertility treatments, because it isn't alligned with what I want from my life.

It makes me think of the fact that first rate restaurants waste and throw out food every day that could be given to people that are starving. I know there are some institutions that actually give their leftovers to people that need it. But it's different, because starving people already exist.

It's like they are upset that we are "wasting" something that they could use. But, it's just one of the abilities we are born with. No one complains when women don't use their brains, which are very often the women that bug us about not using our uteruses, ironically. I swear to God I am going to use that as a comeback some time, when a SAHM bugs me about having kids. I'm going to tell them about the potential they are wasting by not using their talents.

And women that already have kids getting hurt b/c someone chooses to sterilize themselves. They should be thrilled that some of us opt not to have kids. There will be more room for their kids to play and live.

I think you're probably right about all having different reasons, but I'm sure that a big percentage of them give in to the peer pressure.

Just thank your lucky stars that you know what you want. I can't imagine how agonising it must be for people who aren't sure, have to weigh all the pros and cons, and then will live the rest of their lives wondering if they did the right thing.

Speaking of not sure, a friend of mine found my ex's profile on a new dating site the other day and sent it to me for my viewing pleasure. Apparently now he's sure he wants children, but is no longer Catholic. Go figure! (LMAO!)

You're a riot - for your viewing pleasure! He sounds really conflicted. Sounds like you dodged a bullet with him. I mean, don't get me wrong, I think it's good to question things, and if that means "losing your religion," then so be it. But he seems like he's waffling quite a bit. You can get married to someone and then have them keep changing their mind.

I think you are SO smart not to have gone along with having kids. It's just another version of hoop jumping we are supposed to do to have or keep a man. I had an ex that wanted kids, and it didn't work out, for different reasons. But we would have eventually parted over that issue unless he could have lived without them.

And I really do thank God that I know myself. And I know most religious people would disagree with me on this, but I think God, or the higher power is the one that guides us toward certain things. I think God communicates with us through our instincts and intuitions. And I have been drawn to writing since my late teens, and never drawn to kids on a permanent basis. So go figure. I don't think even God is as obsessed with children as people think he is. That's all the weird thinking people have derived from the bible.

I was just reading a post on CF hardcore about someone who had her tubal done yesterday. It cracks me up that "POSSIBILITY OF REGRET" is plastered all over the forms and /or earns itself a separate form altogether, whereas death and dismemberment are lumped in with the fine print under "random possiblities!"

That's lovely! Not being able to have a baby is more significant than dying I guess. Isn't that interesting. I guess if you are dead, you can't sue. But you could come back later whining that you didn't know your procedure was permanent. And look like a damn fool in the process, of course.

My husband thinks any form of sterilization is out of the question because if you deal with absolutes, you'll always lose. Well, a child is absolute, don't you think? What if you change your mind after that? That kind of would suck, huh?