BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Question on age....

My better half and I are both 24, neither of us wants kids...for many many reasons. We have looked into the vasectomy option, but are consistantly hitting walls with people telling us "you are too young and you don't have kids..no vasectomy for you".

Is their some sense into what they are saying? is 24 too young?

Skeeter

Its not their decision, Both of you have to decide the best options there are so many other birth control options out there. seek advise from your doctor, for which you both can agree on together. good luck to you both

I'd only consider a vasectomy at your age if there were genetic problems or you were told not to have children for some medical reason - otherwise I'd consider other methods of contraception and keep your options open - so many people change their minds - some of my friends changed their minds in their 40s so you never know how you'll feel in the future.

I disagree with Deborah. If you are absolutely sure you don�t want kids, keep contacting doctors until you find one who will perform a vasectomy. If you change your mind in the future, you can always try adopting. Furthermore there are many ways to be involved in children�s lives without being a parent. Youth groups, scout groups, big brother/big sister, coaching sports teams, mentoring and tutoring are a few examples. There is a link on the www.nokidding.net site that says �sterilization is your right!� but I can�t get it to work. There is a 24 hour phone number, 1-604-538-7736, listed as well as an e-mail address Info@nokidding.net. If by chance you live in Northern NM, I can give you the name of a urologist in Los Alamos
who did mine a year ago and one in Santa Fe who did one for a friend of mine some years ago. I was 36 when I had it done and had zero hassles. Jerry Steinberg, founding Non-Father of No Kidding, also went through hassles to get snipped as you can read below. Feel free to PM me if I can be of further help.

Mike

I had to visit three doctors before I finally found one who was willing to give me a vasectomy. The first told me that I was too young (34) to have one, and to come back in ten years. I told him that most people have had several kids by the time they were my age, and asked him why 34 was too young to choose not to have kids, but not too young to have several. He didn't get it!

The second refused to perform a vasectomy on someone who wasn't married, and told me to get married and to return with my wife.

The third said, "But you don't have any children yet. Come back after you've had some kids." I replied, "By then it'll be too late!"

The fourth interrogated me for more than fifteen minutes. I asked him if he would have had so many questions if, instead of wanting a vasectomy, I had announced that I planned to have ten kids. He paused a while, and then answered, "No, probably not." I retorted, "Who am I hurting by having none?" And then I asked, "Which will have a stronger impact on me, my wife, society and the planet? And which is more permanent?"

After much reflection, he finally said, "You're absolutely right. How's three weeks from next Wednesday?" (I had my vasectomy on Valentine's Day, no less!)

I am often asked whether I have any regrets about getting a vasectomy. My only regret is that I didn't get it sooner.

It seems to be really difficult when you're younger. I think I'd be tempted to lie through my teeth - borrow a kid for the day and trail it to the doctor's office, they have no way of telling it's not yours!! Or get your other half to turn on the Oscar winning performance - "we already have two kids we can't feed, and she wants another one ... save me!!"

Like Mike says, yout best chance is just to keep asking around if this is the preferred option. There are lots of others if you really hit a wall, but they're your responsibility and all have failure rates ... good luck!

I think the reason they say 24 is too young is because they might worried that in doing a permanent surgery at so young you might change your mind later, it is possible. Most vasectomy reversals are from men that have had their surgery when they are under 30 years. The sad thing is I'm sure if it was cosmetic surgery they'd do it in a heartbeat.

I think with any permanent surgery you have to think of the pros and cons & decide on yourself if this will affect you later.

Great link:
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One one hand, I can see why they are saying that 24 is too young, I was violently opposed to having children for my own reasons at that age and up until I was in my late 20s.

I don't get why the doctors care about people changing their minds, as long as you sign a release that is. I could see maybe sending you for a psych eval but in the end it is your body and it should be your choice. If you change your mind there are ways to reverse it of course.

There are too many unwanted children in this world, I would think they would jump at lowering that number.

As far as birth control options, I used a shot for awhile that I only had to take every 3 months which was good because I could only screw it up once every 3 months but it had some not so many horrible side effects. I would think that surgical intervention would be easier to live with because unlike medication there would be no side effects.

Have you considered an IUD? It's easily reversible, but works for the long term (5 to 10 years) and doesn't have to be fussed with. They say that the risk of accidental conception with an IUD is less than that of tubal ligation! (apparently once in awhile one of those little eggs sneaks its way out of the tube anyway).

DH and I got married at 23 years old, and we both knew we didn't want children. We did a little research on sterilization for both of us, but no doctors were willing to perform the surgery. We are now 37, both still very much do not want kids, and still practicing birth control. I'm sure we could find a doctor to do it for us now, but we just decided it was no big deal to use other forms.

Still, I understand your frustration. YOU know your mind better than some stranger does. It's irritating (and frankly, condescending). I wish you better luck than we had.

My husband and I knew we wanted to be child free in our early 20's. We are now in our 30's and nothing has changed. We talked about getting my husband a vasectomy but I guess were to lazy to pursue it. Having had that experience, I feel that if you are willing to go through all of that effort to get someone to perform the procedure, you must feel pretty confident in your decision. Like Jez, we relied on other forms of birth control and though we talk about doing it now, we have not gotten to it. Everyone is different. I have changed in many ways since age 24, but the basic core of who I am and what I want to do with my life is exactly the same.