BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Miscellaneous Ranting (caution, long and bitc#y)

Child support - one of my pet hates. When you do payroll you get to see first hand how one sided and mean spirited some custody battles get.

One of the guys at work is working for us on a not very large salary - he was laid off a good job a year ago and took a big pay cut when he came to work for us. While at the old job he'd split with his wife, and rather than go through the courts, they mutually settled at $800 a month as child support. The 2 kids were early teenagers then, I think.

Well, she has been a right cow by the sounds of it, and the kids have had to sneak around and lie to her about even seeing their father, because she just goes mental if she knows. She remarried, lives in a nice place, and her husband runs his own business and does pretty well. The kids have all the latest everything, dirt bikes, snowmobiles, all the good stuff. Our man is still paying the $800 a month even though he's short on money himself now, and is living in his aunt's basement, cos he's a pretty stand up guy and takes his responsibilities pretty seriously.

Turns out that her marriage is on the rocks. So faced with the prospect of losing the meal ticket, she calls our man and tells him that she's suing him for more support, because he doesn't pay enough. He's not a rocket scientist, the thought of going to court terrifies him, and the prospect of having to pay more has him practically in tears.

My advise to him was to let her go ahead, as I'm actually pretty sure that given his pay cut, maintenance enforcement will set his court ordered payments at lower than $800. So if he can handle the court case, I think it would have a good outcome for him. And wouldn't that be schweet???

Sorry for the rant, but I HATE cows that use kids to hold guys to ransom...

That really sucks. Maybe they should have done it all through the courts.

Im sorry but the woman is not setting the child support, the court system does and its not a free for all that the wife decides what chunk she wants to take. In reality, he is probably paying so much child support because his last job paid him more, the court takes a flat percentage of a persons paycheck. If your friend is too dumb to apply for this to be reduced because of his job change, then that is not the childrens fault.

If he didn't want to support children until they are 18, he should have kept his pants zipped.

Him owing child support has nothing to do with his ex wifes behavior OR how much money their step Father makes.

If as you say, the Mother of his children is a [censored], then ask yourself why did he date her, why did her sleep with her, why did he marry her, why did he have kids with her??? You talk about this guy as if he is an innocent bystander. The children are the only innocent bystanders to the train wreck of a broken marriage.

I wish Mothers everywhere would start teaching their sons to keep their pants zipped unless they want to really take on the responsibility of a child and that means until they are 18 and frankly for the rest of that childs life but the court is going to hold you to it until they are 18.

Men act like they should be able to run about polinating the planet and then OH POOR them when the court tells them they have to pay to take care of their children.

Do the math, if this guy is paying 800 bucks per month, call it 400 per kid, thats about 13 bucks per day. You have to have had children to know that that is peanuts to raise a child on.

The child support in this case was set out of court. She now wants him to pay more because she's about to lose her income stream, knowing full well that his circumstances have changed and that he can't afford it - and as long as she gets her money, he can be homeless and starve, for all she cares (and she actually said words to that effect!!)

Which is why I've told him to let her take him to court. Because if she does, she's going to come out the loser, and I think for an attitude like that, she deserves it.

This guy has NEVER shirked his responsibilities and didn't ask to have his support reduced even when his salary was almost halved. He's actually close to his kids despite her best efforts to make sure that he never sees them. So I think give credit where credit is due here - this is not a deadbeat dad we're dealing with.

When you're married for ten years, you're probably not planning to have it turn custard side up - so when you make blanket comments about "keeping it zipped", I agree that there's some people who should have this pounded into them, but don't you think a marriage is a slightly different scenario? After all, that's what you're supposed to do when you're married.


The oldest kid has just turned 20, so she's out of the loop - so he's actually paying only for the 15 year old that's still at home. So $26 per day, whichmight not be a lot when you have a hungry teenager. But if they were still together, the whole family would be surviving on reduced circumstances, so why can't the penalty reflect the reality?

I'm sorry I don't think your friend is too bright if he is paying child support with just a figure pulled out of the air. Why not go and have it reduced, why on earth allow that too happen in the first place?

I know when I was in Texas, the basic figure they start with for one child is something between 20-30% of the mans income, more if the man made alot of money as in the case of sports stars or other people who are really wealthy. That amount goes up of course if there is more then one child.

Sorry but he still doesn't get any sympathy from me on this one. If you can't afford to have kids, then don't have them. They still need clothes, they need to eat, they have all kinds of needs. The absent Father can ask for proof that the money is being spent on the children so its not like the Mother can pocket the money herself.

I have no doubt that the Mother of these children is a [censored] but that has nothing to do with the childrens needs. I am glad he still has a good relationship with his children, they are going to need it if their Mother is a headcase. Just like there are alot of divorced women out there who are giving the Father of their kids a hard time, there are even MORE men out there who are not taking responsibility for the kids they helped create.

I have a relative who worked in the judicial system tracking down dead beat Dads, you would not believe the stories I have heard.

OK, Lisa, I think it's time to back down a bit. You're getting my dander up and I'm just the third parent (aka step) in a child's life and financial support situation.

You're neglecting an important fact in your numbers. The support amount should only be for HALF of each child's needs. Mommy didn't keep her pants zipped, either, you know.

I'm living in an old, tiny apartment and clipping coupons, scrimping everywhere I can, because the woman who stole my fiance's child out of their home in the middle of the night years ago is one of those animals that cares more about how much money she has to take to the bar on Saturday night than if her ex can afford the expense of feeding an extra little mouth for a weekend visit. In other words, she's bleeding us dry. The courts are making it worse. And we have to visitation unless she feels like it and we often can't afford the time off work or the expense of a guest when she does feel like it. (Before you ask, we only have internet access because it is required for my fiance's job.)

Too many states (ours included) care too much about mothers and not enough about fathers or the rights of children to have relationships with fathers. The system sucks. And women like you, Lisa, who seem to think all the daddies are deadbeats, are part of the problem.

Maybe I can shed a little light on this...I am a very proud Mother of 2 boys, yes 2 different fathers, no child support from either one. First I want to address the "mistake" comment, my children are NOT "mistakes", no I did not deliberately get pregnant but honest not a lot of people plan it, it happens to people who use protection and just for the record Baby #1 came along because I was told by a Dr. that I could NOT get pregnant, Baby #2 came along 14 years later and again for the record protection was used it just did not work. I know most of you do not agree but I think of them as a good "surprise".

Not all Dads are deadbeats, not all courts can get you child support (you can't get blood from a turnip). Yes it is a fact that people will lie to get assistance but there are a lot of people like me who worked hard, yes I could of kept my "pants zipped" but I didn't. I wanted my kids so I supported them. I really could of used a little help from the Dads but it didn't come (yes I went to court) and still won't be coming. Not everyone can be strong, there are alot of Moms and Dads who get overwhelmed. Supporting a child is not all about money. Sometimes it is really not worth trying to get child support. There are alot more Dads getting custody but I am pretty sure there are not alot more single parents getting child support. If you ever have time, go sit in a child support court see first hand what happens in there, I can't tell you how many times(sometimes 4 times in one month) I would go to court over and over again. It takes two the regular way to make a baby but often times only one ends up supporting the child. Also people can and do set their own amount for child support,my brother did and he stuck to it. Look, nobody wins when there is a fight over who will support the child, basically it is true alot of men do get the shaft (my last name begins with O I saw alot) but alot of them love their children enough to take the shaft....remember unless you have been in the shoes you really don't know.

My dad paid us $30 a week in child support. He didn't make that much money, so he just couldn't afford it, but that's how it would have been if they had stayed married, too.

Luckily, my mom was really good with keeping to a budget and not buying unnecessary items, so she didn't use even have to use that $30. Instead, she put every cent into a college fund for me, took out CDs when she had enough, etc. So basically, my dad paid for my college.

I think that if you're a single mom, for whatever reason, then you should anticipate that you WON'T get help, and if you do get help, that should be viewed as a bonus.

I was a single mom of 4, two of my babies have passed away. i had government asst. i didn't use the money to buy drugs or alcohol, and i didn't play bingo. my children all had the same father. i was 15yrs old he was 24yrs old and he was married. i left home because at 15 my dad was still sexually abusing me. and my mom was letting it happen. my oldest child is 42 yrs old now. i just started collecting child support 2yrs ago. i had a tubal ligation in 1972 when my 4th child was born.not all people are bad, there are many who abuse the system,yes. but there are also people who need and don't abuse the system

Thats a pretty arrogant thing to say when I am a single Mother, never asked for any child support and never got anything. I am NOT part of the problem. Anyone having children thinking they won't have to support them is the problem. Unfortunately people like you appear to believe feel that men shouldn't have to carry their fair share are THE problem. Whatever the motivations of the woman, she isn't going to get pregnant if the man keeps his pants zipped. Unfotunately they don't and its usually them screaming that they have to pay too much child support or don't pay at all. My concern for men out there isn't that their life sucks because they couldn't make their marriage work, its for the children who are too often caught between two parents that don't give a rip about them. Check your stats, its the men who are the problem in this equation. Society puts the burden of child care on the women because sociologically men aren't up to the job.

Sorry you are such close friends with this guy that you can't see that.