BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Since when do we answer to kids?

Hey Paula,

I just want to say your one of the few & far between. & your right I think the majority of the people who don't discipline their children think they're doing their child a world of good instead of teaching them.

& i think that's why so many people have gotten turned off of children.

It's a shame I remember growing up & I was treated like a child that i was. It [censored] me off but now that I'm older I understand why.

I am childfree but as i said I've had a hand in raising my younger sisters and what i find is lacking by most parents is teaching thier children proper social skills. Teaching kids that you cant always get what you want, that you do not disrespect your elders etc etc etc.

It's a tough job being a parent But i wish more people who thought of having kids, thought about the responsibility that comes along with it!

People have put forth good points on this topic, so all I have to wonder is why were the elders so blase about this child's tantrum? Neither of my grandparents would have let me go nuts at that age, and certainly not my father.

Good points, Pika!

LastingOne - I think that some grandparents are afraid that if they question discipline (or lack of) then they will be cut off from their grandchildren, or at least not see them as often. I know it sounds crazy, but after talking with some relatives about my dad's cousin's kids behavior at his party, this is the answer I am getting about why no one says anything about the kids going crazy.

Also, I think I've read something similar in Dear Abby. :-)

Speaking of answering to kids... So I'm on a ferry ride this afternoon heading home from a nice weekend away. The boat was crawling with about 20 kids of varying ages, running, screaming, totally unsupervised, loud, obnoxious, just about as bad as it gets. This seemed to be the continuation of someone's birthday party. One of the parents came by, as loud and inconsiderate as the kids (wonder where the kids learned it from). I got up and expressed my irritation that a. someone would get hurt (they were running up and down slippery steps) though frankly i couldn't have cared less at the time, and b. annoying everyone on the boat. The moron responds to me "well, they are not all my kids." I suggested that he partake in supervising them anyway. Shortly thereafter I thought of all the wonderful and nasty responses I could have come up with ("Oh, I'm shocked, you seem like such a virile young stallion" etc etc). Alas.
The sad thing is that these little monsters were just taking after their loud and obnoxious parents and the cycle just repeats and repeats. While we were walking home, I whined to DH "Oh, I want a baby, darling." He got it without missing a beat. Amusingly, on the way out to our trip, I ran into someone from high school whom i hadnt seen in years. She is a midwife (which i think is cool, mostly) She just had kid #2 and was talking about wanting "a few more" I almost laughed out loud. I was telling her about our upcoming trip to south america and she said "oh, i guess that is what young people without kids do". YOU BET IT IS!

I am reading a great book by Bud Harris, "fire and the Rose." He states that the way we live establishes the fundamental terms of our humanity; therefore, the way we love reflects the same.

Throughout the book he dicussses the way we are collectively stuck in a way of life, and that individually we need to grow to 'grow' our society.

We need to search inwardly for answers to causes of our anxieties and frustrations. It's not so much about where we go or what the people around us are doing, it's how we are able to transform within ourselves and our spirits.

How another person lives, or parents, is not as important to society as how we manage our own ability to transform and not solidify into an image of ourselves.

Kids do need to learn self-control, (from parents.) Adults need to learn not to control themselves so much. In that I don't mean to be irresponsible. I mean not to be afraid of society's opinion (or the future) if you break out and take the path less traveled.

Wow, there's a novel thought!!

Sorry, couldn;t resist ... on a board full of people who've chosen to do just that!

A friend of mine was on a ferry-ride. Kids were making fun of her thick glasses. One child slapped at her glasses. She grabbed his arm and was going to report him, as the ferry docked. A man jumped to the kid's defense, yanking her arm. Totally embarrassing for her. The boys got away. She came home in tears.

Verbal attack mostly leads to confrontation. What I mean is that is not a less traveled path. Emotional dexterity and strength is what I mean. As adults, we need to grow a whole lot more as individuals, than is now the acceptable norm. Then we well be better parents and neighbors.

And parents need to raise kids to be emotionally intelligent. I can't stress how much I feel this is the first step, in fixing things.

That's a doozy of a first step, in that it will never happen. Having a child doesn't automatically make you emotionally intelligent, or able to teach that quality in someone else. I know a lot of people would say I'm being gloomy or pessimistic, but if that's what it's going to take to "fix things" then we're doomed.

We are in desperate shape. Schools are starting to teach emotional intellengence to kids. They now know it will help the bullying problems.

Becoming a parent doesn't make you emotionally intelligent. But, becoming a parent opens a floodgate, and wide spectrum of emotions. It gives you the fresh opportunity to improve. Expecially if the way is illuminated.

Dr Bud Harris, in "Fire and the Rose" is calling upon humanity, parents and those without kids, to emotionally deepen ourselves. As all of life is connected, he states, this is the way to improve society. Society will change if we first change ourselves.

What are the options: [censored] about others, or get the word out, through helping and 'being' that it is cool to be emotionally, spiritually, strengthened.

I think it's sad that schools are having to be the ones to teach children how to behave.

We were just out to brunch. It is a little fancy, but mostly relaxed. My nephew was so good. We were there over 2 hours, and he didn't get fussy until right near the end, but all he did was walk around our table and play a little with everyone (we were all in the same group.)

The kid behind us, however, was not as good. He was the same age as my nephew (about 3.) He wasn't bothering us, but he was taking all the cloth napkins, lying them on the floor, and dancing on them. He did bump into my chair once, but it was okay. It was just that he was doing this napkin thing throughout the whole meal, and at one point he was running around crazily, but everyone at his table was ignoring him. I think the only reason I noticed him was that I saw how much better my nephew is in public.

My point is, my nephew knows how to act in public, and if he starts to get carried away, he does listen if we tell him to stop. We also take turns engaging him and keeping him occupied when he gets bored. He's also SO much better than all the kids we ever see anywhere, even if they are behaving well.