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I have a question for anyone who may have had their child in public school. This is my daughter's first year in the school's pull-out G/T program. According to state law, G/T is in place of regular curriculum and not in addition to it, so my daughter doesn't have to make up any work missed while she is in the G/T. The problem is that many of her classmates are giving her a hard time about leaving class and not completing the work she missed. They don't understand the whole concept of gifted education (This is third grade and it's the earliest age that G/T is offered.) and I know they don't understand why my daughter doesn't have to make up any worksheets or classwork. Hannah has tried to explain to her friends that she has different work, but the teacher has gotten on to her for talking, so today she wrote a little boy a note (rather than talk and get into trouble) so I got a note on my daughter's progress report that the teacher is having trouble with my daughter talking and writing notes in class. My daughter told me that this was the first time she had ever written a note- hardly trouble, and when she talks, it is because she is being teased or aggravated. I'm not trying to excuse my child's behavior, but I feel if the teacher were doing her job and explaining that different students have different work, this wouldn't be a problem. My daughter has straight 100% on her progress report except for a 96% in math. She's never been a behavior problem before, so I don't know how to deal with it.

I strongly suspect that the teacher resents the G/T program (I know several who do)and rather than step in to help my child, she just turns a blind eye. I would like to talk with her and ask her to explain the situation to the class, but my daughter has begged me not to. I'm at a loss.

Do you have parent-teacher conferences coming soon? If so, I would let it wait until then AFA talking to the teacher. If not, I would somehow make contact with the teacher because your daughter is *not* a behavior problem. She is being antagonized by the other students. *They* are the behavior problem. Sounds like your daughter was trying her best to solve her problem but her teacher isn't listening.

I'm curious how it is even noticeable to the other children that your daughter hasn't completed the same work.

Also, this is the first year these students are exposed to the GT program so all of this is a novelty. Hopefully it will eventually become old news.

Is your daughter the only child in the class leaving for GT?

HTH!

edited for grammar

Hi Kari-

My instinct would be to respond a little differently. I would call the teacher, or better yet, do your best to bump into her face to face. Tell her you appreciate her keeping in touch with you and sending the note, as you like to know what's going on with your child. Then tell her that after some prodding, your daughter revealed that the other children have been pestering her with questions about why she leaves, why she doesn't do the same work, and so forth. Tell her that your daughter was struggling with how to respond to these kids. Ask her, "How do you think this should be addressed?"

I hope you get other suggestions as well, and then you can see which piece of advice feels most appropriate for your situation.

good luck!

Kari

I agree with Lorel. I wouldn't wait to talk to the teacher about this. If she doesn't already resent the G/T and she starts considering you daughter a "problem" in class the situation will not resolve itself.

good luck

The reason I said to wait if there is P-T meeting coming soon, it's already a meeting that all the parents are invited to attend and a ready-made moment to share her concerns and it is less likely to upset her daughter. Immediately after, I told her to make contact with the teacher in another way if the is not a scheduled meeting close because I agree that contact needs to be made with the teacher. Lorel gave an excellent approach to make when talking to the teacher.

Thanks for the advice. P/T conferences aren't for another month, so it definitely can't go on that long. I really needed some non-confrontational ways to bring this up (instead of "Look, woman- if you did your job and explained to everyone that who did and didn't do what work was none of their business, Hannah wouldn't be in this situation now.") because I don't want to alienate the teacher, especially not so early in the school year.

The teachers seem really reluctant to discuss the G/T program in the classroom. It's a really great school, but it's not perfect. They are hyper-sensitive to feelings, which has its good and bad points. No one wants to deliberately hurt a child's feelings, but not everyone is the same. They have an awards ceremony each nine weeks, but they are meaningless because by the end of the year, each child receives an award. There are some academic awards, but most of them are things like the "Smile" award or the "Neat Desk" award. If everyone gets one, why is an award special? I feel like we are on the brink of a Harrison Bergeron-like world where everyone is forced into equality.

I agree with Lorel's suggestions. Nothing diffuses the potential antagonism of the teacher than enlisting her as an ally. She will feel pumped up by your trusting her to help you all deal with such a potentially delicate situation.

As for dealing with feelings (and I know that the attitude you mentioned is all-too-common throughout our society, not just in schools), view it as Hannah has special needs, and it sounds far less elitist. To be honest, it is possible that the other kids might take a look at the different work that Hannah is doing, and be GLAD that they aren't doing it, too!

I like the special needs angle. When my oldest child was in school, he was subject accelerated for math and reading at his first school. The other kids didn't ask many questions, as there were kids leaving the classroom all the time. In fact, my son left for OT and PT in addition to the time away for reading and math. But other kids also had OT and PT, speech therapy, meetings with the guidance counselor, etc.

Kari,
Have you talked to your daughter's teacher yet? How did it go?

Kari, I am so sorry that your daughter is having this experience, and that you are faced with this uncomfortable situation. I echo Lorel's suggestions wholeheartedly. I also feel the same way you do about awards in school. Please keep us posted when you speak with the teacher and let us know how it goes!