BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Drifting into childfree?

Im wondering how many people have come out and said they dont want kids, verses how many drifted into it. I am fairly certain I dont want kids but thre are serveral reasosn Im not comfortable saying for sure that I dont:
1.) Im a never say never kind of person, I dont think Ill change my mind but what if I do? Im only 29 so its not like Im near menopause
2.) I really like kids. I enjoy my friends kids a lot, but I also like having them leave. I like kids enough that Im a special ed teacher of severely disbaled high school students with physical and severe cognitive disabilities. They funtion at a preschool or infant level. I love my job buts its another reason not to have kids in a way, I cant imagine coming home all day after caring for those kids adn taking care of my own.
My reasons for not having kids are:
1.) Im selfish. I love spending time doing what I want to do.
2.) Money.
3.) Laziness. Im very lazy.
4.) Dogs and cats. I have four dogs and three cats and I dont want them to be demoted because of a child. If I had an allergic child Id die.

Im really very certain I dont want kids but I just cant be a 100% sure. My husband doesnt really discuss it. He has no burning desire either way, initially it was him not me that brought up not having kids. Now whenever I see him playing wiht a child and enjoying it I get a little panicked because I dont want htim to decide he wants kids.
Im wondering at what age people decided they wnated kids or if they are still on the fence about it

Why is spending time doing what you want to do selfish? How does it affect anyone else, as long as the things you want to do don't harm anyone else? I think it's more just knowing yourself, and enjoying your life on your terms.

Sorry, we've all just heard the selfish word a little too much in regards to our choice not to have children.

Also, you are obviously not selfish if you have four dogs and three cats, it takes a great deal of unselfishness to open your home to that many animals!

Cindy

Doing what you want to do and what you love to do is not selfish!! It's called being good to yourself

Also, I don't think I ever consciously made the decision not to have kids until a few years ago when I was being constantly bingoed (had long-term boyfriend, then got married). It's just never been something I wanted to do. I've never had the urge to have kids. Back when I was a kid, I think I kind of dreaded it, before I learned there were ways to prevent it. Luckily I have found a guy who doesn't care to have kids either, and he's older than me, so neither of us are inclined to go for it. I've just never had the PICTURE of myself surrounded by kids, I guess is what I'm trying to say. It's never been me. I'm lost around little babies, I don't know what to do for them. At baby stores and looking at baby shower registries, I feel uncomfortable. It's like being in a boating store. I don't have a boat or any inclination to buy one, so there's nothing there for me!

Cindy

Tubby, how can you say you are selfish?? Look at what you do for a living! In my brain, that kind of career earns you a lifetime of never ever having to consider yourself selfish. You get to have your time off!!! You earn it.

I'm still in the midst of the decision, though am at the brink of being too old. They stopped saying "Oh, you have time, don't worry about it" about 7 years ago. I miss those times. I was just thinking last night how pleasant the 20's are, when you still have that luxury of not needing to decide.

I'm a Libra, so it's normal for me to endlessly weigh both sides and swing back and forth on big decisions. This one feels like one of the bigger in life, and I'm scared to commit either way. I'm leaning heavily toward not having kids, but still can't help getting twinges. I've identified the twinges now (with huge help coming from this forum) as mostly societal and internal pressures and am trying to not let them affect my final decision. But there is still some part of me that can't quite let it go completely. It's a big pain and I hope I can make peace with it soon.

Kindly excuse my english...

I really understand you! I'm a teacher too and I really love kids, but I'm very happy, when they go home...

I don't think that you are selfish, because your free time is important to you!
And I don't think, that you are lazy - you have 4 dogs and 3 cats... many things to do and they also need much time.

Do what you want - because only YOU can live your life.

@frieda: It's a big pain for everyone who thinks about it seriously - so for me too!

When I think about the stress, hassle and pressure that fence-sitters get, I just thank my lucky stars that I've always known that I didn't want kids. When my mum got pregnant again when I was 12, to when I got married at 20, to breaking up with long term BF at 40 over the issue, it's always been as constant as the air I breathe, and I've never questioned that was the way it was meant to be. It's certainly made it a lot easier to stand up against the disapproval and judgement of pro-natal society at large.

Frieda, it must be so hard when your rational screams against your biological, and it seems like everyone in the world feels like they have a right to weigh in on what is an intensely private decision. To everyone that has been there and has had the courage to stand up and say "no, it's not for me" ... kudos to you. I can't imagine what a tough call that would be.

I'm a great believer in having only one life to live. We should be grateful that we were born into a time and society that gives us these choices, and exercise them to their fullest extent in making ourselves good and happy people. And if that doesn't fit with the herd plan - make your own way. It's a heap more fun!!

Oh, I dont think of selfish as being a bad thing. I didnt mean that in a bad way. I just meant that I do what I enjoy. Im actually kind of proud of my tendency to be selfish I grew up with a mom who loves to make this big picture of herself as a martyr and to carry on about how she never does anything for herself. It just made me resentful. I think most people make selfish decisions, honestly I choose my career because I enjoy it not to make the world a better place. As for laziness I meant more that Ill do what i want to do, the dogs and stuff but I have little energy for what doesnt interest me. Most weekends my husband and I are home on the couch watching tv or walking with the dogs. I guess I just am unsure because I dont want kids but I dont feel 100% sure enough to declare myself childfree or go to childfree meetups or anything. Im afraid as I get older I will change my mind.

tubby, I agree with everyone else.

Juli - welcome! I'm always amazed at how diverse this board is. We have people from all over the world posting here.

Welcome Juli! Thanks for your thoughts. It's amazing how women all over the world are dealing with these same issues.

Also, I am half Austrian through my great grandparents, though I have never been there.