BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Trying to make peace with my decision...

I may get shot for this....but if you are not 100% sure you dont want kids then dont get starilized! you may regret it later. I dont have kids and I cant have kids because of health problems (I think the good Lord knew what He was doing and blessed me with dibeties its the only purk to this curse so...) but even as a little girl I hated dolls and all that betty wettys stuff. My husband doesnt want kids but he says whatever happens happens (read Thank GOD she CANT HAVE THEM!!!! YAHOOOOO!!!) I am not a maternal person at all altho I would be open to take in a kid who as no one.. I dont see what is so important about swollen ankles and haveing to pee every 5 mins and getting fat...oh wait thats diebeties.... and I dont see what is so great about laber pain and soar nipples and loss of bladder control...

But if you are not one hundered and ten % sure you dont want all of that then you should wait to get steralized until you are sure! but you could adopt later if you change your mind and save yourself the soar nipples and bladder control issues.....

oh well I think I just made your case for the prosedure.... lol

I was thinking about this on my way into work this morning.

I was listening to the radio, and the DJ was describing all the plastic surgeries Demi Moore has been speculated to have had: lipo, knee lift, face lift, breast augmentation, etc. And his comment was, "Oh yeah, she looks great! But people will always say about her, 'For 44, she looks awesome,' not, 'Wow, she looks 25!'

That got me thinking: It's no secret women HATE aging. And frankly, we start showing it most in our late 30's - early 40's...that's when the lines show up, the skin starts to sag a little...it sucks. We're not 25 anymore and will never be that tight or that supple again, and even surgery can't reverse the process. I wonder how many childless women get to their late 30's and think, "Well, my body's going to pot anyway, I'm never going to be the way I was, I don't have that many hobbies and really nothing better to do. If I have a baby, at least I'll have something else to focus on other than getting older, and I'll get a 'badge' for all to see. Having a baby would mean my life AND my body had more purpose than just aging."

That SAME thought you quoted was sticking in my head this morning too! I keep running through all the women who that seems true about...at least from my perception. It's sad.

Your response is an interesting point. We have a grove of knobcone pines next to our house. Their lifespan is only about 40 years, we're finding out, because they're slowing dying off. You can tell they're dying before they turn brown, because they shoot out tons of pine cones. They're giving this one last blast toward carrying on their species before they can't anymore. It's kind of like women.

Uuuugggg... all this talk of late bloomers so to speak is the only thing that worries me as someone who was decidedly CF for many years, but hops on and off the fence from time to time now.

I still have loads of time, and I still think I'll ultimately happier CF (most of the adults in my family did not procreate, the ones who did had only children, or two kids). But the only thing that worries is me that though deep down I'm the same person, I tend to change radically every few years, and almost over night.

If I knew for sure, that at age 40-45 I'd "change my mind" and want children, then I'd just go ahead and work on that at about 30-33. But I can't know that for sure. Ah well... it will work out one way or other. My uterus is on lock down (Mirena IUD), so I'm even less likely to get pregnant than if I were sterilized

Lock down...hee hee. The one thing that stuck out to me is that if you change radically every few years, and you decide to have a child, and have one, then you might change again in a few years and not want one anymore...but by then it would be too late.

That's an excellent point. One day I radically change and settle down and have a kidlet... 3 years later I would be ready to radically change and travel the world, but that would no longer work. Excellent point.

Oh, but the other thing I found out last night talking to the most stalwart of childfree people I know... she was a bit tipsy and we had filled out quizes online. She said, "She'd teach her kid about santa?", whereas I said, "I wouldn't", but then I thought... WAIT... what kid's would you teach santa about? And she admitted she was a fence sitter from time to time too. It BLEW my mind, ROCKED my reality... this is a girl who got an IUD, BEFORE she ever had vaginal sex. That's RARE.

I'm someone who takes my commitments very seriously, and I'm not a person who doesn't jump into major irreversible decisions quickly. So though I can change on a dime, it's usually about things that are major, but choices... if that makes sense.

For the most part now I'm back to pretty solid cf-dome... but the ONLY thing that worries me, is having a cohesive life plan. Maybe I should just fill mine out better, and when I see exactly what I'll be doing with my CF future... instead of a question mark, I won't worry about changing my mind.