BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Reason not to have kids if you don't want them

Did anyone else read this? Again reconfirming why people should think long and hard before having kids. I seriously feel very bad for this woman and her child.

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Wow...and did you see someone later in the thread is still in counseling at 25 years old after finding out she was never wanted? Man, how sad. Prayers to them.

That's so sad. I wish people who push other people into having kids would think about situations like this and mind their own business.

I know, it really is sad. At least other people will read it and think twice before making such a huge decision.

Yeah, I actually saw this a while back. It's really sad. Someone mentioned giving her baby up for adoption, which sounds reasonable, but if you are married and give your child up for adoption, no one would respect or understand that. I would, and I think most of us on this board would understand it. And it would be best for the child. But it just isn't allowed in our society. She would have to move somewhere else if she did that, where no one knew she once had a child. You know?

It seems like there's a real taboo about giving babies up for adoption anymore. I know tons of teen Moms, and none of them would have given up their babies. No one thinks about what is best for the child. They think about how they will look if they give up their baby, or how they feel about their baby. If they thought about what is best for the baby, a lot of people would recognize that an established two-parent family would be a more stable environment for a child. Don't get me wrong, there are lots of good single parents out there, and clearly parents that are single b/c of divorce or b/c their spouse passed away are in a different situation. I guess I'm talking about the teenagers that get pregnant, keep their babies and never grow up. You can't tell me their child wouldn't be better off living in a different environment, where the child was sought out by adoptive parents, not just had because someone didn't use protection.

Happytobechildfree you are so right. I don't know when it became a bad thing to give a child up for adoption when it is clear someone else could give it a better loving family or if the child is unwanted. It is a strange world we live in when you are selfish and evil for doing the right thing.

I sure wish I could have reached that woman before she got pregnant. How terrible to be trapped the way she is! There really is no way out for her, because no one would ever leave her alone about adopting her child. Especially now that she is 2 years old. I imagine she just hoped that she would feel better when the baby was first born, but now that it is has gone on so long, she is so stuck.

I feel horrible for her and for that 25 year old! You're all right -- someone who pressures us to have children when we don't want them should read stories like that one.

Kim

MNK Editor

There's some pretty scary stories on that thread. But the thing that really got me was this quote, from someone who confessed to hating being a mother ...

" I never even hint at this with other mothers I meet in person. I don't feel like it would be socially acceptable."

The sisterhood of silence lives on.

Several of those posters frequent this board, too.

I've been reading that thread and actually posted it here once, but then deleted it because I felt bad, or like maybe it was rude to discuss a personal post of that nature on this board, where we'd all look at it and think "Thank god that's not me."

But yes, it's really scary. And now more people are posting who feel that way. This whole thing with truemomconfessions and now this, where mom's are coming out of the woodwork anonymously posting these feelings, is really having an impact on me. I'm starting to feel more and more like I escaped a bullet. What an awful situation that is. All infertile or "childLESS" people really ought to come over here and read that. It might make them feel better.

I didn't respond over on that thread because I'm coming from such a different place, and find myself rushing to judgement. She may come over here and read this, so still don't want to sound that way. Buuuutttt...I have to say it....I am so sad for her daughter, and feel like this is so unfair to her. Her desire to have a child was all about herself...even above her husband because he knew he didn't want one. She had her way, and now...again she's putting herself first because this isn't what SHE wants anymore. I know she can't help how she feels, and I know people change their minds, (and I KNOW I'd probably feel the same way in her position at least a good part of the time), but that still that doesn't make it okay. She says she would put the child up for adoption, but the main thing holding her back is what her family and society would say about her. Again it's all about HER.

I just can't even fathom how cruel that would be to give up your own child when it's already well aware of what's going on, for no other reason than just because you don't like being a mom now that you've tried it. This isn't wine tasting!

I feel like maybe there's a reason for this taboo that you can't admit you don't like parenting once you are one...because there really isn't a viable option to ever get out of it, and you have to do it, whether you like it or not, once you have one. Well, you can look for an out like adoption, but that's just terrible considering how much damage that would cause an innocent child. If you say that you hate it out loud, and your child hears, you're hurting them.

No, I think once you've made that leap and brought someone into this world, you really have made a sacrifice to put them first, and you have signed on to be somewhat of a martyr. It ain't always going to be about you or about your fulfillment...if that's what you expect going into parenting, then you're in for a rude shock.

Really I think people in this situation have no other option than to get counseling aimed toward helping them accept their life as it is and do the best job they can at it. Maybe if you fake it long enough you'll believe your own act...because that would be for the best.

If she does come read this, I hope she understands I really feel for her. This is why I've been hesitant to do it!!