BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Body Image I have this problem

This is something that may be not okay to talk about, but bear with me.

I'm 20-years-old and from the time I was about 13, I've had scars on my chest, shoulders and back that have really come close to ruining my life. They've kept me from prom, wearing anything other than longsleeve shirts, wearing bridesmaid dresses, even from the sports that I love (diving and running) because of the uniforms.

They aren't too bad, it isn't like my skin looks like ground-up hamburger meat or anything, but of course when you have a problem it's about 10x worse to you than anyone else.

There aren't a whole lot of them, just enough to make me uncomfortable showing my body at all. I can't have sex without wearing a shirt no matter how comfortable I am with the other person, because even I can't look at my body when it's not covered.

I've tried benzoyl topical creams, cocoa butter, Neosporin, Bio-Oil, and Mederma, but they're still there. Concealer doesn't help because they're pock scars and neither does even spray tanning, because that just makes the skin around them darker.

Obviously these are from pimples, but I'm a very clean person. When I was a kid I was on anti-depressants that just ruined my skin and apparently scrubbing at them with bar soap wasn't a bright idea because of all the bacteria harbored there and the friction from trying to heal them.

My life could be so much better if I could look at myself without thinking: "Ew"

Does anyone have this problem? Is there anything I can do?

I should have noted, some of them are as large as my thumbnail. They aren't itty-bitty.

Have you tried putting a lightening cream on them like porcelana or I think Acne Free has a product to lighten acne scars. You may want to see a dermatologist, maybe you could get laser treatments?

dear magic,

I can't say as i know how you feel, but i have had a boyfriend who had much worse scarring than you have. He had been burned in a fire when he was young, and only given a 5% chance to live. The scars are very bad, and he always wears long sleeved shirts, even in summer.

When you described how you feel... and not going to the prom... i thought of this. Though he's a strong man, he also didn't want me or anyone to see his body, and it was hard for him the first time to show me. It was not the big deal that he feared. Once i saw and he knew he could be accepted as he is, it helped him. Once it was familiar to me, it didn't matter. And when you really care about someone, you love them for who they really are, not for what they appear to be.

It takes courage to let others see you as you are... whether the issue is physical scarring or some other vulnerability. It also takes love to accept yourself as you are and be okay with it. To give yourself less, is giving yourself only conditional love. Wouldn't you like to love yourself better? To heal your emotional scarring... you learn to love and appreciate yourself as you are, and not be afraid to see yourself. The feelings you are having won't go away while you hide. They'll go away, as you take back the life and confidence you are entitled to have. You deserved to go to your prom as much as anyone else, and you deserve a person to love you as you are. Anyone worth your friendship or love, will not turn away. The people who do, don't matter. So much the better that you can sort them out easily. And i have the feeling your scars look far worse to you, than they will to most other people.

You may also wish to seek a dermatologist's advice for your skin. It sounds like you have been trying to treat yourself, and you recognize that in the past you've made some mistakes. Why not go to someone who has trained particularly for treating skin? There are medical options for diminishing scars, but you should get professional advice for this.

Good luck.

When you described how you feel... and not going to the prom... i thought of this. Though he's a strong man, he also didn't want me or anyone to see his body, and it was hard for him the first time to show me. It was not the big deal that he feared. Once i saw and he knew he could be accepted as he is, it helped him. Once it was familiar to me, it didn't matter. And when you really care about someone, you love them for who they really are, not for what they appear to be.