BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids connection between ditching pets...

I know it has been mentioned many times on this board that many couples ditch their pets when they are expecting or have kids. The idea is that kids are more important than pets, or they grew bored with their pets and don't have time for them anymore. I wonder if the same people that get tired of their pets when they get older also get tired of their children when they aren't young and cuddly anymore? But, obviously the difference is, they can't get rid of their kids.

My fiance actually inherited two cats a while ago from a couple that had one child, and now has two children. They were both "problem" cats, and we understood why they were happy to get rid of them. Don't even get me started on that topic. But the Mom of the two kids, former cat owner, doesn't seem to be enjoying parenthood all that much. She always seems frazzled and complains about how crazy her life is. But it's hard to feel too sorry for her, because she wanted this, and didn't want to work outside the home.

I've got a friend who just mentioned this weekend she missed her Yorkie that she got rid of when she had her third child. She said the dog was jealous of the baby and started peeing on the carpet. Oh, it couldn't have anything to do with her locking it up in their laundry room all of the time, moving into a new house the exact same month as her son was born and having three rowdy boys and two horses to take care of, now could it? I just think she couldn't give it the attention it deserved. Her kids drive her crazy 24-7, by the way, and I'll just say as for her relationship with her husband, I have NEVER seen them hold hands, kiss or even flirt. It's ALL about the kids ALL of the time.

That's awful...

All our pets are second hand - with the cats, they were quite old (Max was 4 and Amy was 10) - so far we've had almost 5 wonderful years with them (Max and his urinary problems is a worry) - neither of the cats like loud noises - crying babies on the TV really upset them... But the thought of giving them up makes my heart break...

The guinea pigs are cool as well - the way they chatter and giggle... I couldn't give my girls up...

And these people say we're heartless?

Wow, your friend's life sounds crazy. I could never handle all of that chaos. It does sound like she had too much on her plate, though. I'm sure the dog was just trying to get some attention from her. It really backfired, though!

I really wonder if someone can't handle taking care of a pet for the full span of it's life, how they are going to feel taking care of a child forever?

I am VERY opiniated when it comes to pets. I simply don't have anything to do with people who take an animal home and then find it inconvenient and cast it off like a worn out shoe or last years fashion.

I have one dog who had been purchased, taken home and thrown in the back yard or the laundry room. She came to me when she was 3 years old. She launched herself out of her crate, begging for attention from minute one. No signs she missed her previous owner at all. I also have three cats, all of which came to me as adults.

I have one child, there never was a question in my mind that I would get rid of my pets because I had child. I think children should be raised around animals, teach them how to care for them and how to be gentle with them.

My Mother has always resented my closeness to my animals and would watch my cats how they loved me and felt jealous of that. I never understood why.

I think that how one treats a pet says a lot about their character.

I am with you all on the pets. I am very very sensitive to animal's needs and get frustrated and sad when I see them relegated to nothing more than something that needs to be fed once a day.

My cat Phoebe is just adorable. I met her on the Internet! I was having a look one day at the SPCA website and then I saw a link to "Pets on the Net". I was just surfing really. The first ad there was from a woman who was desperate to find a home for a little cat who had turned up in her garden - skinny and scared - because she (the woman) was heading overseas at the end of that week. I just picked up the phone and rang. When I turned up at her house that evening, when she opened the door, she turned out to be a work contact who I had met the previous week. Serendipity or what.

When I drove the cat home I thought about her name. I had always decided as a teenager, after reading Catcher in the Rye, that if I had a daughter I would call her Phoebe. So that became her name.

I am sooo protective of Phoebe; I am really like a mother in that respect. She was terrified of everything when I got her (she was 1.5 years old). Especially when someone was putting on heavy boots (I think she'd been kicked).

I just didn't relent - I kept giving her gentle, positive encouragement, hugged her all the time, tried to move quietly around the house so as not to give her a fright. Now she is sooo much more confident, and my new DH just adores her and she him.

I am absolutely committed to Phoebe - giving her a warm, loving home, and I do feel really really proud to have brought her out of her shell.

My family are kind to animals but do not have this rapport with them that I do. I've always been good with them - they trust me.

Sorry about that rave - is just so lovely to hear of others who value and respect animals.

I recently met a CF couple in their 50s and they were telling me about their cat. They made a vow when they got her that they would never walk past her without giving her a pat. They said she has turned into the most loving animal as a result. I was just so impressed by the commitment expressed in that vow. And the understanding of the cat's need for attention and companionship.

I volunteered at an animal shelter for 2 years and I was disgusted at the number of people who brought in beloved pets for reasons like "we're moving", "they don't behave" (ever hear of obedience classes), "just had a baby".

When we moved from Oregon to Texas, we brought along 4 cats and 3 dogs! All of them are rescued and one of the cats wasn't even that nice! I couldn't leave any of them, no matter that it was the trip from hell.

When I had kids at home, I had a home daycare so we only had one dog, who was a sweetie. I started collecting the others later so I do think when the kids leave, it's nice to have animals around.

My sister is the other way tho. She had a dog for about 10 years and when it died she said she'd never have another because it would just die too and she'd rather not be bothered with the pet messes in the mean time.

It breaks my heart tho to see animals put into a pen in the backyard and forgotten when the kids come along (a neighbor of mine did this) or packed off to the animal shelter.

In my extended family (my husband's side...NOT mine) they have given away so many pets for no reason it makes me crazy. I never know when
a) I'll be visiting them and wonder where their latest pet is, and when I ask get told that they got rid of it for any random reason
or
b) I'll be visiting them and lo and behold there's a new pet that they got because they just couldn't resist because someone was standing in front of a store with a box of puppies or whatever.

They ignore their pets, their kids just push them aside and pay no attention to them, and they leave their pets either in the yard all the time, or to just wander the neighborhood. But still, they always need to get a new one. It's hideous.

I have to admit that my own mom, though she has been a pretty okay pet owner in her life, got rid of the family dog when my brother and I were babies. My brother was born with terrible allergies, and the doctor told her he might die if she kept her dog and my brother in the same house. She could have made the dog an outdoor-only dog, but she decided it would be more humane to find it a better home. It was a story she talked about often because she adored the dog and it was so traumatic for her.

Just hearing about that experience is just one more reason I've been afraid to have kids. Raising a child with allergies is a huge challenge, and even though I don't have allergies myself, they do seem to run in my family. I think my mom did the best she could, and handled the situation okay considering (even though I hate that it had to happen).

People have strong opinions about the "worth" of a human far surpassing the life of an animal, and I can understand that you have to put your human child first. But how sad.

I adopted my dog and take full responsibility for her. To me it's not ethical to change priorities and treat her differently just because she's not good enough and now I must have a human child.

As I've said before, I was raised with animals. At no time during my 18 years in my parents' home did I not have a pet. We were a family who kept very few animals, but had them all as many years as their lives lasted. They were loved, well cared for, and my brother and I knew how to treat them respectfully before we were old enough to understand what we were being taught.

The first years of my adult life, moving from apartment to apartment, were without pets. While that was practical, it was also miserable. I felt a definite void in my life. It was filled when that starving half-grown kitten showed up on my porch last year. Like my parents have always done with their animals, I have every intention of tending to her as long as she lives. For me, taking an animal in is accepting a lifetime commitment. I can't understand anyone who does not see it that way.

On that note, I recently got an email from an ex-boyfriend (we're still friendly, 8 years after our relationship ended). He sent an email to all of his friends offering his 2 cats to the first person to offer them a decent home. Apparently his wife got a new job (I think she's been home with their toddler for a while) and they don't feel they have time for the cats anymore. I stared at my monitor with my jaw on the floor, shocked that a man I had always known as caring and sweet would be willing to just relocate his animals without trying to make it work. Those two cats have spent their lives with his family and he wants to give them away like one would get rid of unwanted furniture. I feel so sorry for those cats!

The email from my ex was the exact opposite of my reaction to recent changes in our home. I've been working more and been more tired when I come home. Changes in my shifts and number of hours away from home have cut down on my own cat's play and petting time. She's a creature of habit and her routines have suffered greatly from my work life. By the time 2 weeks of crazy schedules had passed, I noticed that she seemed extra clingy and put two and two together. I've been making extra efforts to compensate, giving her as much attention as possible whenever I have the time. Fortunately, my work life should be settling down to a new, set schedule within the next week or two, so she and I will be able to build new routines. She's had a rough few months, and I've tried to show her I haven't forgotten her, but we've made it through and we will both adjust. Before long, she'll have her comfortable routines of play, petting, brushing, etc. at more-or-less set times. I don't know why having "people time" at the same times everyday means so much to her, but I'll do my best to meet that need.

I can't imagine just ditching her at the first sign of change in the home. The very thought sickens me. Maybe my ex, and others like him just don't realize what wonderful, adaptable companions they have.