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Was I/am I mean? #338111 09/03/07 05:25 PM
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Athena_Marina Offline OP
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Was having lunch and one of my colleagues said to us that her daughter is having a party soon can we help? With food or money?
But she did NOT look at me and later on she said to the others "Cause you KNOW I'll make it up to you by helping when YOUR kids have parties."
(Cause everyone else in the room at that moment has a kid.)
Everyone else said they would do this and that and I said NOTHING.
Two of them have already had kiddie parties and invited some or all of the others and not me ---- and that's JUST the way I LIKE it! I get on fine with them but I'm NOT into kiddie parties!
I was actually about to volunteer that maybe I could get my husband to cook some food when she said about helping the others with THEIR kids parties. And then I didn't. Cos I thought what am I going to get out of it? I mean EVERYONE ELSE there was going to get something out of it. But
was I/am I mean not to say something?


I leave the child-rearing to people who feel called to it. I've never felt that call.
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Re: Was I/am I mean? [Re: Athena_Marina] #338112 09/03/07 05:29 PM
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KarynJ Offline
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I think it was kind of rude of her to ask for money. Asking for help is one thing...or making it a potluck and asking for people to bring food is another. But money for a party? Wow.

Re: Was I/am I mean? [Re: KarynJ] #338116 09/03/07 05:42 PM
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lngilbert Offline
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Nope, you're not mean at all!

Re: Was I/am I mean? [Re: lngilbert] #338122 09/03/07 05:59 PM
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iluvsummer Offline
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I think asking your coworkers for help for your child's party is strange. Family members? Yes. Very close friends? Okay. But that's about it. Weird.

No, you weren't mean. Sounds like you're exercising appropriate boundaries, unlike your coworker!

Re: Was I/am I mean? [Re: Athena_Marina] #338157 09/03/07 07:42 PM
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Lisa_Orlando Offline
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Maybe I'm too proud but I would NEVER have asked people to do anything but show up unless someone had a husband who was good at grilling. BUT ask for money?? NO.

I am a single Mom and I have done her parties all by myself, including one where I invited 36 kids from her class, we had a full meal and cake and ice cream by the pool in our development.

One year when I could afford to do a HUGE thing, I bought cupcakes, both some for boys and some for girls, milk, punch, cups, napkins and took it too her school and they had that as snack.

How is it someone elses responsibility to do that?




Re: Was I/am I mean? [Re: Lisa_Orlando] #338173 09/03/07 08:35 PM
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Chaco Offline
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I have never heard of doing something like that! I think your co-worker is way out of bounds. What kind of kids' party is she having where she has to ask for money??

I have never been invited to the child of a co-workers party-much less asked to contribute financially. Are these people expected to bring a gift as well?

You are not at all mean.

Re: Was I/am I mean? [Re: Athena_Marina] #338203 09/03/07 11:07 PM
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yehonala Offline
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If she can't afford to have and/or handle planning a kid's party to the point that she has to beg co-workers for help...then maybe she shouldn't have had the kid.

What's next? Asking for donations when the kid goes to college? Maybe Little Suzie's drug habit? How could someone with a set that huge pop out a kid?

Don't feel bad. You drew a line that needed to be there.

Sorry so bitter...it's been a BAD day!

Re: Was I/am I mean? [Re: Athena_Marina] #338657 09/05/07 03:35 PM
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Angela P Offline
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I think the question that deserves more pondering is -- Do you really even want to go to the party?

I'm more like Duane_Va. I avoid that stuff, especially a coworker's kid party. Oy. If one of my close relatives or a dear friend of mine asked me to attend, I might. I'd be taken aback if they asked me for money though. And no, I don't think you were in the wrong for remaining quiet. The tactic your coworker used was pretty crummy: that of bringing up something like that in a group of women, knowing full well at least one would jump in with help of some kind, then waiting for guilt to hit the rest of them.


"Men and women think that it is necessary to have children. It is not. It is their animal nature and social custom, rather than reason, which makes them believe that this is a necessity." --Democritus
Re: Was I/am I mean? [Re: Angela P] #338660 09/05/07 03:43 PM
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happytobechildfree Offline
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I don't think you are mean at all. It's weird to ask for money for your own party, let alone for your daughter's party. WTF? If you can't handle having a party, don't have one? I would ask a close friend or family member to help me out the day of the party if I needed help, but that's about it. Bringing food is fine if you are invited to the party. People have their own lives to live. Why would they want to spend their day off helping out at someone else's party? Weird. People are way to entitled.



Save your own life - don't have kids!
Re: Was I/am I mean? [Re: KarynJ] #338720 09/05/07 08:22 PM
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Encore DT Offline
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Originally Posted By: KarynJ
I think it was kind of rude of her to ask for money. Asking for help is one thing...or making it a potluck and asking for people to bring food is another. But money for a party? Wow.


I agree...and in general, although I don't mind being around couples with kids, it seems as though once they do have kids they lose a share of their manners and often become a little too comfortable at other people's expense.

Does anyone else notice that?


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