BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Alpha Moms

Hi Ladies,
It is comforting to know that I am in good company with all of you CF people. I am 46 and not CF by choice, but here i am and that's the way it is. I too deal with all the slants, insensitive comments and feelings of being left out of my gender club. When those socially inept people ask me why i don't have kids i tell them "i can't", which seems to shut them up. However, my husband is eager to engage anyone who will listen into lengthy conversations about population issues, which is an important consideration in this day and age.
In reading all the rants in this forum, I feel the pain and anger that we all experience as repercussions in choosing (or not) to be CF. We will always be the oddballs. Celebrate diversity!We are ambassadors of the CF and childless, here to let others know that life can be good, fullfilling and happy without kids!

herbs_editor:

So sorry to hear that you have experienced this. I'm glad these "socially inept" people have the decency to shut up once you tell them you can't have children. I hope they feel significantly embarassed, and refrain from asking the question of other people. I'm glad to hear, at the end of your post, that your life is good, fulfilling and happy without kids. Please feel free to come here when you need to vent. Everyone is very supportive.

Welcome herbs editor! I didn't exactly "choose" to be CF either, but it's the way the it goes for some of us. I figure you can either accept how things are and have a good attitude about it, or be miserable and depressed. I "choose" to accept, move on, and find happiness elsewhere (like within!). As I've learned from people on this forum, truemomconfessions, etc., finding fulfillment through having children has it's disadvantages, and is no guarantee anyway. Just ask all the moms out there how many of them are taking antidepressants.

And, I find growing herbs, picking them, and experiencing the aromatherapy of nature are a great way to cheer yourself up.

I think my hair is my BEST asset, I cut it off every two years for Locks of Love. I say that only because it means that I don't put any chemicals in it, no dye, nothing, just shampoo and conditioner and maybe some hairspray at Halloween. That being said, when I start to go gray, I think it will be traumatic because my hair is so pretty, but I don't think I'll be dyeing it. Too much of a hassle. I don't think I could be that consistent with hair appointments. It's hard enough for me fitting in the dentist twice a year. :-)

that's really nice of you!

I love my hair. It's the one thing I really like about myself. It's very healthy and I can do a lot with it, though I normally just tie it up. I don't care if that's selfish or vain. :-)

Frieda7 and all,
It's interesting as a child-free-not-by-choice woman to be mixed in with others who are adamantly childless-by-choice. There are similarities as to how we are perceived and treated by society at large, but our experiences are from very different internal places. I would like to hear more from married-without-children types who have not been able to have children and share how they evolve within that reality.
I know i could go to the infertility page, but again, there it's a mixed bag of mostly people who are trying to get pregnant or are freshly grieving about their inability to conceive. After a certain point (ie: menopause), it's no longer about fertility, it's about life as it is, and always will be, without kids. So, are there others who would like to start a thread having to do with that?

The moms at my work, first of all, are generally somewhat older than I am. They're moms of teens. That makes them less likely to try to act superior to *anybody*...they're being humbled right and left by their own creations. There's only one woman (whom I've mentioned before) who's a real earth mom and actually told me she had a problem with my overpopulation bumperstickers. She's a mom of three, the oldest of whom will be a high school freshman this year. The other two are much younger.

In general, I've gotten used to being either pitied or envied (sometimes flipping both ways within one calendar day!) by most mothers of young children. The one thing they won't do is stop holding you at arms length and judging you; you're not going to get close with them as friends, so don't waste your time. Spend your time pursuing friendships with men, mothers of older kids, and CFs.

I like saying "I like kids," (obviously...I'm a high school teacher who makes squat for salary!) "...but I never wanted to live the life of a parent".

I go for a cut and color every couple of months. I don't have a lot of greys. I do it to transform my hair from its usual mouse brown to burgundy or eggplant or something else that doesn't quite occur in nature (on hair, anyway). My stylist uses Aveda products, which are supposedly more natural than others.

It's really my only vanity. I'm not much on expensive clothes, shoes, or makeup.

I know it's not entirely safe. It does worry me a little. I comfort myself (perhaps stupidly) by remembering that cancer doesn't run in my family...heart disease and diabetes do.

And then I go to the gym to lift and do some cardio.

And why do I almost always have the time to do this?...(you all know the refrain).