BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids 40 reasons not to have kids

I think some of us have already heard of this book. It's by a French woman who already has kids. It seems there are more and more articles on it, and it cracks me up how the authors act so surprised, like "GASP! THERE ARE REALLY PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO DON'T WANT KIDS!!!" This article isn't like that, but I thought some of you would be interested. This was a link on AOL's homepage.

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Interesting. I do agree with a few of the posters who wonder how her children feel. But I was appalled at some of them who said that she was so wrong.

GRRRRR...

Here is one reply to the author: "Raising children to be a asset to society is far more important than money and thinking only of oneself."

And right in line with that logic is pointing out the fact that trying to find a way to find a cure for cancer is far more important than going to Sunday brunch. I understand where she's trying to go, but the argument makes no sense. Here's another breeder who doesn't consider CHOICE in her attempt at making an argument.

IF you make a CHOICE to breed (this life path is now a GIVEN), then yes, it's far more important to raise that child, make sacrifices and think less of your own money and yourself. If, however, you make the CHOICE not to breed, who the heck should care what you do or what you think about? Sure, you'd make a nice impact on society if you did volunteer work or something, but other than that, why be so judgemental?!?

Besides, there is absolutely no guarantee you're going to turn out a responsible "asset to society" or even someone halfway decent. As I recall Duane mentioning, breeding is a gamble. Many of us have posted nightmarish stories of what your spawn can turn into. I'm with Duane -- that's a gamble I don't want to take.

But thanks for sharing the article...I'm probably not done ripping yet! And I might think about picking up that book (40 Reasons Not to Have Kids) just to check it out. I give the author a lot of credit for writing it, even though she has kids herself. She either must have a GREAT relationship with her kids and they're cool with her true feelings, or they don't speak anymore.

Okay, of course I found another:

"Just remember if YOUR mother chose not to have children, you would not be here!!!"

I've heard that people say this, but I never witnessed anyone saying it with my own eyes/ears.

What a foolish thing to say. If I wasn't here, I wouldn't care one way or another. What, are they trying to prompt us to think, "Gee, I'd be really sad if I were never born..." ??

That's like that stupid bumper sticker that says "SMILE! Your mom chose LIFE!"

I can't wait to read this. This book has spawned like 5 blogs that I know of so far. I think it's fascinating to read what people have to say about it. Thanks for posting this one.

Hmmm...I looked up the book on Barnes & Noble and Amazon, but no information on it. I wonder if it's just not been released yet?

I looked it up a few weeks ago. I think it's been released in France first, over overseas.

Of all the discussion on that one blog, that comment is the most inane one on there.

If you take away the 'emotional stigma' that is supposed to be imparted with that statement, the simple, non-emotional answer is:

If I wasn't born, I wouldn't be around, therefore, I wouldn't care.

The emotional burden of guilt that gets put on that one statement is thick enough to make me want to throw up.

Reading a few pages of those comments gave me the following general impressions:

The pro-child, pro-parent peoples (that say that children are the be-all and end all, that accuse CF people of being selfish) come off with the mentality of a 5 year old, with their 'non-logical, everyone must follow my POV because I am right' viewpoint. Their arguments are laden with vitriol and hatred towards those who dare challenge the societal viewpoint that people *must* procreate. And it comes across very well.

The people who say that not everyone is cut out to be a parent (be they parents who regret their decision, or people who are CF) don't use emotionally-laden words -- they appeal to logic and experience. "I know I would not make a good parent." "If I knew then what I knew now, I would not have had children." Matter of fact statements, statements that can be verified/argued in a civil arena -- in general, less vitriol and hatred. Thusly, they come off as being more mature and level-headed.

To child, or not to child -- that is the question. Never has an individual decision, that does not affect anyone outside of the person/persons directly involved, caused so much conflict. (Well, religion has, but that is not being talked about here).

I just don't get it. Maybe I am lucky that I don't get it.

I REALLY ENJOYED THIS ONE:

52. I am a single, 25 year old woman, who is 5 months pregnant. The father of my child left me to pursue his individual wants and needs for many of the reasons this woman justifies in her book. I suppose if you want to say hindsight is 20/20 or even that there is no harm in making such statements, that is your perrogative. I personally feel that the hardest decision of my life was deciding to keep this baby, I was always one of the "not having kids until I'm 30+" crowd, and having something like this published makes me feel as if my struggle and my choice is undermined. One of the issues I have been struggling the most with is losing my chance at having a real life, which all my family and friends tell me is still possible despite being a single mom. This book pretty much justifies the cowardice and selfishness it takes to abandon a child or end its life without any forethought. I am all for women's right to choose, but this makes me think twice since, apparently some women would choose to retroactively give up something I currently am fighting so hard to have. I have to wonder if I will ever know the joy of truly being myself again, if I must mourn a loss of freedom and individuality that I heretofore have prided in myself, my question is: where is the counterpoint argument? Where are the books for women in my situation? Is the whole world angry at children for existing? How about a little female empowerment and less patriarchially propogated self loathing?
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This woman is so stupid - she didn't want kids until she was 30, then why did she get pregnant at 25? I think it's okay for people to recognize that there's a whole world out there, and if they want to experience it, or don't want to parent, they have that option. The problem is when they realize it after the fact, and the kids on the way (I'm talking about her guy). But, maybe the relationship wasn't stable enough for a baby. I think he should have been concerned about birth control, too, and not allowed this to happen if it wasn't what he wanted.

Just another single Mom sob story... next...why don't women learn from each other and not continue to get themselves into this situation? I'm so sick of hearing about this, and seeing it everywhere. Why can't people plan their lives? I'm sick of accidental life choices.