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Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 138
Jellyfish
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OP
Jellyfish
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 138 |
Background: I live in a very small, newer development where most of the neighbors know each other and get together once in awhile. We have larger parties at various homes about a half dozen times a year.
So, one of my childed neighbors invited me and another CF neighbor to her house this afternoon for a very casual impromptu visit. Both my CF neighbor and I got off from work early today, and the childed neighbor is a SAHM.
I like both the neighbors, and was looking forward to the socialization. Unfortunately, I was there not quite two hours, and I think the adults got to speak a total of ten minutes.
The childed neighbor has a little 3-year-old boy (who is really adorable) and a cute baby. But the needs and wants of these kids are NON-STOP. The 3-year old really needed a nap, but there was no way he was going to sleep when we were there. He wanted CONSTANT attention. The mother was in continuous motion trying to appease, discipline, feed, entertain, soothe, etc. The baby was less needy, but any time the mother got a break from the 3-year-old, she was tending to the baby. Changing clothes, changing diapers, feeding, putting to bed, comforting, etc.
Now, of course this is to be expected. There's nothing easy about raising kids, and it's not like you really get a break. Yet, I so often forget how idyllic and peaceful my life really is. I came back to my clean (no Popsicle stickiness, no uneaten chicken nuggets on the table, no holes in the patio screen door), QUIET home, and laid down for awhile under the ceiling fan and thought: THANK GOD THAT WILL NEVER BE ME!!!
Jez
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 742
Gecko
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Gecko
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 742 |
Amen, Jez! And next week I take of to UK to help my friend with her 1-yr old for a week! Woohoo! I am looking forward to a week of total and complete exhaustion, and without doing my normal non-stop-sight-seeing routine.
(okay, in truth, I really am looking forward to seeing them. and my friend is REALLY looking forward to my being there. she really needs a friend right now. and i'm sure she plans to farm said toddler out to Nana for part of the time so we can have girl time. but even so, i know it's going to be no picnic!)
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 54
Amoeba
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Amoeba
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 54 |
I know exactly how you feel. I sometimes think maybe I'm mistaken and missing out by not having children. Then tonight I spent 3 hours at a function with about 10 small children and are wondering what I was thinking. They can be so adorable, but they're so much work. The constant needs and required attention just seems exhausting, and the're my friends kids, they aren't even mine! My golden retriever is much easier in the maintanence department, and besides he's pretty adorable as well.
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 2,002
Koala
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Koala
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 2,002 |
We were helping my sister pack to move, and I was entertaining my nephew, whom I love dearly. But he is at that age where he wants to show you everything that he owns, and everything that he can do, etc. I ended up spending more time with him than helping. I couldn't get away! He would come find me and bring me back to his room! He kept telling me to sit, and I told him, "I am a woman, and I have the ability to make my own choices." He said, "yeah, sit!" I told him "I sit only because I choose to."
My husband burst out laughing so hard.
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Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 998
Parakeet
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Parakeet
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 998 |
When my fiance's daughter visits us, she will occasionally tell her dad that she wants to hang out with me and almost (verbally) pushes him out of the room. I have no idea why. It might have something to do with the fact that she is being raised by her mother and her maternal grandmother and isn't very accustomed to having a man around. He always tries to spare me too much solo time with the girl (he knows how much kid time exhausts me), but she's insistent. I guess it's a good thing that she enjoys my company, but sometimes I have to explain how much her daddy wants to spend time with her just to encourage her to let me off the hook...
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 543
Gecko
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Gecko
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 543 |
I've got my close friend's two kids (12 and 8) coming to stay this Friday night for 24 hours, while their Mum and Dad have a weekend away for their anniversary. Since really making the decision not to have children, I've been open to helping her more, because that's where I see a great role for me. Her kids are lovely, but I'm already psyching myself up! It's only 24 hours and I know they are going home afterwards, but it's still a big deal for me! Last time they came overnight (about a year ago!!) I was so relieved by the end of the weekend. Around that time I'd been getting quite angsty for a child and feeling I was missing out on something too, but the weekend with these kids certainly gave me a quick dose of reality. The 12-year-old constantly wanted to be playing computer games and I had to really push him to get excited about going outside to the beach. The 8 year old is adorable but needs full-on, constant attention - she's a real extroverted personality.
I don't know how to cope when I don't have "spaces" in my life. By that I mean spaces between intense activity or working hard or spending time with people when I can just sit, read, contemplate and be creative with my writing or ideas. I just crave this time and it is so hard to get with my job and now being married. I get kind of ragged around the edges when I know there is not a "space" coming up. It's partly my full-on job but it's also my nature and it runs in my family. My sisters struggled with being Mums because they needed that mental space to process stuff.
If I have a period of busy work/social obligations etc coming up and there's not space amongst it, I actually feel quite panicky and trapped. With children I would find that so hard. That's why I am so relieved I have Saturday night and Sunday to recover from my friend's kids. For any childed person reading this, I am not being pathetic - I have strong endurance and I throw huge amounts of energy into my work, marriage, staff, friends, family. I'm just not that well suited to full-time motherhood and constant demands without rest periods. Short bursts of children as a stepmother, godmother, aunt and fun adult are perfect for me.
Last edited by FeebeeGeebee; 08/26/07 10:58 PM.
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 923
Parakeet
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Parakeet
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 923 |
Short bursts of children as a stepmother, godmother, aunt and fun adult are perfect for me. Me too! (Sorry, couldn't help it...:) ) I can only stand about one to two hours of being around my sister's 3 boys. Anymore than that and the annoyance factor starts to surface. I'd rather fight with a complete email crash at work than deal with children on a continuous basis. That is why I call young, rambunctious children (as well as the proverbial hypersonic screaming child) as their own version of birth control. Thinking about them takes you out of the mood.
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Joined: Mar 2007
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Chipmunk
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Chipmunk
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,344 |
We were helping my sister pack to move, and I was entertaining my nephew, whom I love dearly. But he is at that age where he wants to show you everything that he owns, and everything that he can do, etc. I ended up spending more time with him than helping. I couldn't get away! He would come find me and bring me back to his room! He kept telling me to sit, and I told him, "I am a woman, and I have the ability to make my own choices." He said, "yeah, sit!" I told him "I sit only because I choose to." He sounds cute, he probably looks up to you. You know what, you were helping just be entertaining him. You kept him busy so your sister could pack, and believe me, that is worth so much! When I go over my parents' house, just having me in the house helps them out because they don't have to be "on." The two of them pretty much automaticaly fall asleep and take a nap when I arrive. It's like when they relax for a minute, they are so exhausted that they fall asleep.
Last edited by happytobechildfree; 08/27/07 11:35 AM.
Save your own life - don't have kids!
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Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,344
Chipmunk
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Chipmunk
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,344 |
I don't know how to cope when I don't have "spaces" in my life. By that I mean spaces between intense activity or working hard or spending time with people when I can just sit, read, contemplate and be creative with my writing or ideas. I just crave this time and it is so hard to get with my job and now being married. I get kind of ragged around the edges when I know there is not a "space" coming up. It's partly my full-on job but it's also my nature and it runs in my family. My sisters struggled with being Mums because they needed that mental space to process stuff...With children I would find that so hard...I am not being pathetic - I have strong endurance and I throw huge amounts of energy into my work, marriage, staff, friends, family. I'm just not that well suited to full-time motherhood and constant demands without rest periods. Short bursts of children as a stepmother, godmother, aunt and fun adult are perfect for me. Yes, yes, yes. This is so relatable. I am so like that, too, and it's so good that we know this about ourselves. I have to have my down time and quiet time, and I get into a funk if I don't have it. I have to have time to figure things out philosophically, or to do my writing. Sometimes I get ideas when I'm running around, but good ideas often come out having time to think. I have endurance, too, and can spend hours doing things I love. But I would be so frustrated by not being able to do what I love, or what comes naturally to me, because I have kids. Kids are *not* the natural choice for me.
Save your own life - don't have kids!
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 543
Gecko
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Gecko
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 543 |
I have to have my down time and quiet time, and I get into a funk if I don't have it. I have to have time to figure things out philosophically, or to do my writing. Gosh, you are so similar to me! Even with the writing. I love what you say about having "to figure things out philosophically. That describes it perfectly. I also need heaps of sleep in order to dream! I have really intense dreams that I swear allow my brain to work through all the stimuli it picks up during the day. If I am sleep deprived over a number of nights, this is what really suffers. My brain hasn't caught up! I just know I would start getting edgy and exasperated around my kids - I'd be one of those stressed mothers. Have you done the Jung Typology test online?BellaOnline ALERT: Raw URLs are not allowed in these forums for security reasons. Please use UBB code. If you don't know how to do UBB code just post here for help - we will help out!
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