BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids FYI, from truemomconfessions.com

1) Actually, I happen to think those comments are very real. I know it's very real that some people wish they never had kids, since I've heard it from my friend first hand. They always have to start that kind of statement with, "Don't get me wrong, I love my kids to death but..."

2) Regardless if they're real or not, said in a heated moment or not, the content of what they have to say (the factual information without feeling needed behind it) is still something I don't want in my life. Vomit, screaming, whining, playing chauffeur, and teen-battling still remain at the bottom of my life's list on Things I Enjoy in My Free Time.

That being said, I have those same thoughts you surfaced -- Maybe I would have enjoyed parenting if the right man and right time presented themselves. But I really am glad I dodged that bullet now. I feel differently about my free time than I did even 2-3 years ago, and I know for a fact, no matter how great a mom I would have been and never let up on parenting/discipline, I would have been resentful many times toward a little innocent person for taking so much of my time and my own personal life experiences from me (or that I did it to myself -- that's a better way to put it I guess). Not fair to someone who never asked to be born.

I can't remember where I read this, but it's one of my favourite quotes. "We stand at the crossroads and choose. Where the path untravelled leads, we are never given to know."

But I sometimes think how amazing it would be if we had a parallel universe mirror. So we could ask, "If I had stayed with him, what would I be doing now" , or "if I'd never taken that job, where would I be?", and be transported to the parallel universe...

On second thoughts, that might just be too scary for words!!

I checked out their website and it sounds wonderful! My husband and I love places like this. Great prices for the lodging, too. We'll definitely have to do a weekend there!

Cindy

"snorts coffee out of nose"

"Angela...your trip sounds SO nice. If I didn't freaking love animals so much I'd be doing stuff like that a lot more! Well, I guess there's always tradeoffs in life. MMMM...prime rib."

Freida: As a vegetarian, I can honestly say I find this paragraph amusing. You saying you "freaking love animals so much" and "Mmmmm...prime rib" in the same paragraph made me chuckle!

Sorry - just had to add that!

Sometimes I even blow my own mind with the things that come out my mouth.

The fact is, I love animals SO much that eventually I just up and eat them.
It's a voracious, hungry sort of love.

I've been lucky enough to have had that opportunity with certain aspects of my life. I was faced at one of those crossroads 13 years ago. I had to choose which woman I wanted to be with -- my current wife or my now good friend. I chose my current wife. Throughout all the intervening years, I've seen how my friends's life has gone, how she has changed as a person over the past 13+ years, etc. If I was to have chosen her, looking in this "real life" version of the parallel universe mirror, I would not be happy today -- there would be two unhappy people,with one more divorce, in this world as well. A believer and an unbeliever, to the extent that both she and I ended up being, could NOT be married happily. That's the most obvious example (for me) -- but enough of a peek into the "unknown" that I see how much I could have screwed up my life back then, that I accept the happiness I have now and don't worry about the past. Sometimes, the pain of the past is not worth even thinking about.

I agree with you. At the time, you can only go on the best information you have, and sometimes you're bound to get it wrong. But there isn't any point in looking back, because you can't change the past - only make the best of the future...

Frieda, it's a lot easier to eat them if you didn't know them personally!

I am doing the parallel life/mirror universe thing a lot lately. I think it must be a manifestation of MidLife Reassessment (not a crisis per se). Like I googled an old boyfriend the other day because some friends and I had been talking about "where are they now." I saw that he is married with two little kids. The feelings were bittersweet. Sweet because I am genuinely very happy for him, perhaps especially because he and I were ***never*** meant for the long term, and we both knew it and were fine it. I can't even really say there was a "bitter" part, more like a little pang that the 9 years have flown by and so much has happened since our paths merged so briefly but so passionately.

I think that is probably what is behind a lot of the truemomconfessions -- the alternate life they could have had. The sad thing is that there really is a lot of bitter in those posts. Hopefully as their children get older the moms will be less unhappy. Some of the posts horrify me, some make me feel pity. I have to admit that the positive ones leave me cold -- they are just too few and don't ring true for the most part.

edited to fix typo

I know not to look at the past too much. It is much better to look forward than to think about the stuff you can't change.

On another note:



Sigh...

Well, I just finished reading "We Need to Talk About Kevin" by Lionel Shriver and I am still reeling from the horror of it. Have you guys read it?

I just came back from a wonderful weekend away with DH (can't recommend the spot as a weekend vacation, as it would take most of you 20 hours to get here - Pikasam: we went to Coromandel on the ferry from Auckland) and am catching up on the discussions...

This poor family...