BellaOnline Forums Relationships Relationships Betrayal?

Today, I lost a lot of trust in my BF. The story is like this...

I used his PC when he was napping. I saw my sister online on MSN and tried to message her. Then when I opened the chatbox, I saw a previous conversation between by BF and my sister. It was a few months back after my birthday.

My sister had asked my BF to buy me a fruit basket for my birthday a few days B4 my birthday. They had an MSN conversation abt this. During this period, I had some serious problems with my work permit and was very stressed out. Nobody from my family asked about this. So I was on my own. When I got the fruit basket a day AFTER my birthday, I was very disappointed. I guess considering I send money home every month and when my income is threatened, the same people who enjoy this do not care. Not even my mum. And I gave my sis RM500 for her birthday. So I told my BF all these things and he was here. He saw my situation and all.

Anyway, as sisters usually do, we got over it after a while and started talking again. Recently, she told me she will be going to Europe for a trip. I discussed with my BF and TT'd RM1k to her for subsidy. And then today I found this conversation...after I told my sister I was disapponted with my birthday gift.

I was very hurt. I read it again and again and each time I get even more hurt. In the end, I didn't know which is worse. My sister talking bad about me to my BF or that she saw me giving her cash as dumping money on her or my BF didn't defend me and just being neutral. He kept quiet all the time even though he saw both sides of the story. He made a fool of me by sharing this with my sis esp knowing I will send her more money. Am I the only one having this perception of ethics?

Is it OK for a sibling to talk bad about us to our partners? Is it too much to expect for our partners to defend us? He said he was trying to be neutral. But his HAHA comments and his words showed me his agreement with her. And his suggestion to lie to me make me not trust him. And what hurt more is just now when I brought it up, he still didn't think he was wrong. I feel so alone...

I mean, do you all think I am unreasonable? I would never speak bad about anyone to their partners ..knowing that it'll affect thei relationship. Is my sister not putting a wedge between me and my BF in this conversation and making them a team? Is my BF not agreeing to her? I feel so sick...

My sister: hi
My sister: how can i arrange to make payment to you
My BF: hi
My sister: your girlfriend thinks it's a last minute attempt to buy her a stupid birthday gift
My sister: so i'm just gonna pay you back
My BF: it's ok
My sister: no it's not
My BF: just tell you payed me (he is asking her to lie together to me?! and I thought I was trying to ensure he's not used by my sister?! I am such a fool)
My sister: she can forget about receiving anything from me ever
My sister: would u pls furnish me the details
My sister: would like to pay you back
My BF: om
My sister: you can just give me your account number and i'll make sure the money gets to you
My sister: no problems
My sister: she thinks we are making use of you to get her a last minute present. and i dont appreciate that, especially when you know i;ve asked you in advance about that
My sister: so i'd like to be clear about this
My BF: yeah I tried to explain that to her
My BF: - I offered to help you several times (is he saying they're a team, so he tried to speak on her behalf to unreasonable me?)
My sister: well, it's going to cost me quite a bit for that, and if she doesnt know how to appreciate that, i dont see how her "cash" presents mean anything to me
My BF: I talk with her ok? (again, shows he'll speak on her behalf. Is this neutral?)
My sister: sorry to bother you about this, but i'd really like to revert the money back to you before she starts calling her whole family a big fat leech
My BF: sure, i c (is he saying he understands with what she's saying? Why doesn't he tells the truth fr my point of view? Why does he nods in front of me also?)
My BF: I'll mail you the details

My sister: and if she gets reasonable with you, you can just tell her i think she's just like her mother, cos they dont know how to tell left from right(And she's trying to show she can be his teammate if I become unreasonable)
My BF: haha .. (he's laughing when she hints I am unreasonable)
My BF: im sorry, I think it was a quite sweet idea with the basket (and he acknowledges her gift. How can he says he's neutral?)

My sister: i'll wait for your mail thanks
My BF: - did yu get the picture?
My sister: i thought so too, especially for a sister who dumps you cash for your own birthday
My sister. and then get upset when you ask someone to get her a basket
My sister: [censored]\
My sister: i dont even want to see it anymore
My sister: i'm upset and disappointed at her
My sister: but seriously, thanks for your effort
MyBF: no problem, my pleasure (he says this after my sis called his GF -me a [censored]?)

Your BF probably thinks he's just keeping the peace and not putting anymore thought into it than that. Not to say he's not screwing up, but he probably doesn't realize the implications that such conversations carry with both you and your sister. Basically, he's probably doing something stupid, but with no malice in it, you know? Dumb, but well intentioned.

As for the other half of that conversation... Is your sister single or in an unhappy relationship? 'Cause it sounds like she IS out to make trouble. If not to cause trouble within the family, than to cause trouble in your relationship and possibly make a play for your guy later on. I may be over-reacting, but I've seen this kind of conversation become the early stages of "see how much better I am than the girl you're with? why don't you date me?" kind of [censored].

Like I said, he's probably pretty naive to her intentions and even his own responses. I would suggest asking him politely to refrain from private conversations with your sister until you and she get things settled between you(and you two definitely need to talk!). He will probably understand.

I think the BF is just trying to keep peace, males don't really read into conversations like females do. Your sister sounds very unappreciative of your cash. If I were you, she would be getting a gift from the dollar store, and I'd keep the cash for myself. She does sound like she is trying to cause you trouble. I would definately talk to her about the conversation you found. Good luck.

HI,
If your boyfriend wants to be neutral then he should have told her that & not even had this conversation. He should have stood up for you when she called you a B--. I agree with Myrabeth that your sister seems to be in some kind of competition with you. I would not give her any $ anymore. About the gift coming a day later, those things can happen. Your boyfriend should have defended you & stood up for you. I don't know if he was just trying to keep the peace but it does seem like he is siding with your sister alot. I would tell him how you feel about it. If she has something to say to you she should discuss it with you. Why is she telling him all of this? It seems rather strange to me.

Or he could be 1 of those people who doesn't say anything because he wants everyone to like him. It is not good for your boyfriend to keep stuff from you either. That he will just tell you she paid for it. That is not right. I would be uspet too. I certainly would have a long talk with him about it. Also with her. He should have never had that conversation with her. He should have told her to talk to you about any problems. It seems very shady to me.Is your boyfriend 1 of those men who never thinks that he did anything wrong? It seems very shady to me. Good luck with everything. Judy K. Chicago.