BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids I don't understand

Well -- when you have lived with your wife for 10 years before you actually got married, the concept of actually going out and celebrating seems anti-climactic. But then, we both never were big on being the center of attention, so that is why we went our route.

Actually, it's pretty common to spend that sort of money on a wedding. "I'm only going to get married once, so I want to do it right" (cough). Fairytales are pretty expensive these days :-)

I don't get it either. I had friends that had a pretty small wedding, about 70 people, and spent $20,000 on it. Then they stayed at home for the next 6 months, did nothing, went nowhere, and saved every penny to afford a down payment on a house. Why not cut a few people from the guest list, have the wedding soewhere a little less fancy, and only spend $10,000 or $12,000. Bingo, instant house deposit!

It's always interesting how different people's priorities are. Guess we're all strange creatures in our own ways.

I've been called low-maintenance, though I'm never sure if that's a compliment or not.

IMO, that is a compliment! My definition of a high-maintenance woman:

Takes 2 hours to put on her face.
Must keep up with the latest fashion/style.
Requiring very meticulous hair care regimen.
Wanting to get her nails done, etc -- being a slave to the beauty magazines.

My wife is anything but that.

No makeup
Basic, comfy clothes
Regular-style hair care
NOT a slave to the beauty companies!

That is part of why I love her so much -- she is beautiful without any "extra" help, as compared to what most people would say a "typical" woman goes through in her "daily" preparation.

That is, she is real! And that is what I like!

It's always interesting how different people's priorities are. Guess we're all strange creatures in our own ways.

My friend C had a wedding with 150 people attending. She actually was able to rent a church, a gymnasium for the post-wedding reception, have all of her wedding regalia for under $1,500.

Yes!

She is a member of one church, her husband J was a member of a second curch, and he was a translator for a Japanese church. They had all 3 churches provide potluck food afterwards, while her husband provided their own entertainment for the large party as he is part of Japanese Mens choir that played there.

If you are into weddings, it was nice. I never was, but hey -- it was the lifetime dream for my seemingly life-long friend.

Well, I did have issues feeling like I was preached at during the sermonette at the wedding, but that's another topic

Rob and I spent about $8K. But then again, we had 150 guests. 50 of them were my high school-aged music students, who in return for a fun party (without their parents! Bonus!) all were required to do 20-30 minutes of work during the evening (parking cars, serving desserts, seating guests, etc.).

We had a late-evening ceremony (8:30 pm) and a dessert reception (no booze, due to not being particular drinkers ourselves, budget, and the fact that the school was hosting us...we had sparking cider and waters, plus gourmet coffees). Dark and milk chocolate fountains, 300 pounds of decadent fruit for dipping in the fountains, sparkling ciders and waters in champagne flutes, a gourmet coffee bar (I'm not a coffee drinker, but was thrilled to find there are now coffee-only caterers), a top-flight jazz quartet comprised of dear friends of mine, and we really splurged on exquisite flowers and table linens.

I spent only a couple of hundred on a couture gown...since it wasn't a "wedding gown", which they always mark up obscenely, it was affordable. Wearing burgundy as a bride was so very liberating. Got it from a great place called FairyGothmother in the UK:

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I was discussing with our best friends how expensive having kids are. They said, "If you wait until you can afford to have kids before you have them, you'll NEVER have kids!"

DING DING DING!

Part of me just wants to laugh when my friends have their kids and realize that they can't afford to do all the fun stuff that they do now, like take off on trips, drive up here every weekend from their home 2 hours away, etc.

Meanwhile, I am continuously paying more and more into my principal for both mortgages, AND I am putting an entire paycheck into savings. Guess who's getting a new hardwood floor AND a new cage for the gliders?

And, dear SIL, remember that trip to the British Isles that we planned a few years ago and you suddenly don't remember? You know, the one where we go with our husbands for a few weeks? Well, guess who is going WITHOUT you in 5 years? That's right, ME!!!

This conversation reminds me of a front page article in the NY Times a while back. It was about how people get into debt because credit card companies offer such easy credit. The point of the article seemed to be about how irresponsible (and ultimately greedy) the credit card companies are about offering credit cards to people with bad credit. What amazed me though, was the couple profiled in the article. They were in debt up to their eyeballs ... and yet they had spent $30,000 on their recent wedding and bathroom renovation which included a large jacuzzi tub. They had also adopted two foster children, shortly after their wedding. Their combined annual income, by the way, was $60,000! Clearly this wasn't the fault of the credit card companies - just their own irrational life decisions.

Like others here, we had a tiny simple wedding, even though my parents offered to throw us a fancy one. I'm not the princess type and would have been mortified to be the center of such a silly wasteful event. Instead my parents gave us the money they would have spent, which we invested and later used to make a downpayment on a home. (Hmm...fancy wedding vs. owning a home...not a hard choice) I also didn't have a shower, simply because I hate attending them. Who wants to sit around and watch someone open gifts? I just don't "get" showers.

It's interesting reading the posts here and in other threads on this board. It seems like CFs, at least the ones here, are not caught up in what I refer to as the "must have" society - must have fancy wedding, his & hers SUVs, humongous TVs in every room, the latest tech gadgets, lots-o-kids, etc. I suppose since CFs aren't jumping on the baby bandwagon, we aren't jumping on "must have" bandwagon as well.

Our wedding will be simple and cheap. We may even elope.

If we wanted kids running through our home, we still wouldn't have them. At least not right now. We simply can't afford children. We're both rational people who look at the dollar signs attached to our decisions.

The biggest financial leap of faith we've ever taken was adopting a cat before we had worked her into the budget. She showed up on our doorstep, we looked over our finances just enough to be sure that we could tolerate the expense, and we went for it. But cats are a lot cheaper than children. The cost of care for her entire life will be less than the cost of the average kid from conception to age 2.

I do feel to a large extent the "choice" not to have kids for me is not really a choice at all, but a realization that we can not afford kids and the life that we want. I'm not comfortable with that, yet, but I think I will be.

I was talking to a friend about it. A VERY decidedly cf friend, about how it just floors me to think about the economics of children, and why people go into so much debt to have them. She said she thinks of it like education... some people (like myself) go into a lot of debt to get a good education, because it's worth it to them. When I think of it like that I have to squint my eyes and I sorta get it.

I get that a priority is a priority and it's not always a rational cost benefit analysis. BUT... my education is a one time investment, that should eventually pay for itself. And at the very least does not keep adding additional costs for 18 years. But a child is a 18-22 year to life sentence of extra costs.

Switching gears... I was in costco yesterday and saw the $800 playground set, and I thought, "I never just drop $800 on myself, how do people with children do that?"

some people (like myself) go into a lot of debt to get a good education, because it's worth it to them. When I think of it like that I have to squint my eyes and I sorta get it.

But, if you find that going back to school is too much of a stress (financially, emotionally, etc), you can just stop and quit. with a child, that's it-- there is no going back to pre-children days. So either people are damned sure that they want to go through with it, or once the realization hits, they just shut up about their feelings and keep going on.

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