I was at a pre-wedding cocktail on Friday with my SO. As it was the second marriage for the bride & groom (in their 40's) and they already have children, most people there (except the singles) were parents.
Of course every time I met a new woman, the question: "Do you have children?" would come up. I would just smile and say "No" and continue chatting.
One woman I just met at the party was talking to a friend (I'll call her 'Elaine', who has a 1 year old) and complained: "It is so difficult being a single mom!". So I politely inquired about the age of her children and told her that I admired her courage and strength of being a single mom. She replied: "Well, I'm not REALLY a single mom. I have a husband but he is rarely home -- works too hard and travels lots for business!"
Elaine, married to my SO's friend, replied: "I know what you mean! I'm a "single mom" too! I think most of us are "single moms!"
And they both had a great laugh over it!
I just stood there with my eyes wide and a sick feeling.
Anyway, another parent overheard our discussion and commented: "Of all the people I know, I never thought Elaine would EVER have a child! She was a hugely successful career woman and I didn't even think she liked children! She never spoke of having any!" Elaine just looked at her and said: "Oh well!"
Of course I didn't know any of this, as I only met Elaine through my SO, but I know that she's told me how much she misses her career terribly.
My biggest nightmare, and one of the reasons behind me being CF: to end up raising a child/children basically alone. While I wasn't always certain about my CF decision, what I was ALWAYS certain about was that if ever I were to have children, it would be with a man who is present and contribute to the raising of the children.
I don't understand how people end up like this? Do they not speak with their SO (DH) about the reposnsibilitites from both parents, before starting a family?
I don't get it and it makes me sad.
