BellaOnline Forums Family Early Childhood Reader needs suggestions

Dear readers

I recently received the following email

Dear Susan:

What is your suggestion on handling a 2 year old that will
deliberately
hit, pinch or pull the hair of another child if the child has something
that he wants? I have tried to devert his attention to something else
but
when he is done he goes right back to doing the same thing all day
long.
I seem to be at my wits end. Help


Of course I left the sender's name out to protect her privacy, if your have any suggestions please post them here

Thank you
Susan

I think you should pull him out of the situation and explain to the child no hitting! by diverting him from the situation your not dealing with his hitting which is why he goes back to it.

Ask your child why, maybe something has gotten him upset and thats how he deals with it.

Before you go out with him you should explain the behaviour you expect and what the consequences are if they dont. ex. no hitting or no park. etc.

good luck i feel for you its tough but the important thing is to remain consistent and be in reaching distance when he's playing so u can protect the other kids!

This is what I think, having a two and three year old! First of all, a two year old probably doesn't have a great sense of empathy yet. But, it's important to start teaching it, and he needs to be able to predict with accuracy what will happen when he does this type of behavior. Consistency is a great and helpful thing! Research has shown that when it comes to teaching a child about empathy especially when they have hurt others, it is important to give the child an explanation as to why the behavior is hurtful and to give suggestions on how to make the other person feel better. Distracting the child is most definitely counter productive and it is not fair to the child that was hurt, as you should never allow your child to hurt another child. I have always heard that it is very important to encourage prosocial behavior and a good tip is to focus on when the child does something that makes someone else feel good. However, I once read that if your child exhibits a behavior such as sharing that you are proud of, praise them in a way that the focus is on the other child, otherwise they will continue the behavior to please you instead of the other child (so when you aren't around they may not be as likely to share as when you are watching). When one of my daughters does something nice for the other, I explain how nice that is because it makes the other daughter feel good. When one is mean to the other, I explain that "we don't act like that" and why, and how it makes the other feel, and if she continues to act that way, she won't get to play. If it happens again, they are no longer allowed to play. I hope that helps!

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[quote=Sue Early Childhood]Dear readers

I recently received the following email

Dear Susan:
What is your suggestion on handling a 2 year old that will
deliberately hit, pinch or pull the hair of another child if the child has something that he wants? I have tried to divert his attention to something else but when he is done he goes right back to doing the same thing all day long.
I seem to be at my wits end. Help

Two year olds probably don't have much understanding that other people feel hurt when they are hit, pinched or have their hair pulled; being the center of the universe does not leave much room for empathy or sympathy. Right and wrong are very different concepts for two year olds - 'right' means 'I get my way and everything I want, right this minute', and 'wrong' is everything else.

We were always told that the child who hurts another must first be stopped, with a comment like "We use gentle touch with people", and also to model sympathy and concern for the other child: "I'm sorry you were hurt. Are you okay? I won't let anyone hurt you, and I won't let anyone hurt him, either. We only use gentle touch here."

Two year olds can't be left unattended to 'play' together like three year olds, and need close supervision. Their social development between the age of 18 months and three years is amazing, and I bet a lot of that has to do with the way their brains think at different stages.

We need to consistently be stopping them from misbehaving, modeling acceptable substitute behaviors (other wise they won't have a clue), taking them out of contact space and sympathizing with anyone who has been intimidated or had their space invaded, and of course noticing and admiring them when they are not aggresive.

It takes so much effort and time, and of course usually a dramatic change in hour we respond to the behavior. Remember that in a year from now and for the rest of his life, you can pretend he was never two. Right now, this is age appropriate misbehavior.

;-)

Hang in there!

Pam W
SE of Seattle

Changing Bad Behavior Habits
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