BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids ISO advice in dealing with 'friend'

I say 'friend' because she vacillates between being a fun, creative, highly intellectual friend and being extremely negative, self-absorbed and toxic. I never know which side will present and I'm getting to the point where I just want to wash my hands of the whole thing and move on.

My last conversation with her was quite negative to the extent where it wouldn't bother me if we never spoke again. She, however; has been calling and leaving messages wanting to talk sometime, making it clear how much time has passed since I've called her back. I find this especially annoying in that she's routinely taken months to return my calls in the past and I've never given her any trouble over it, as we're both very busy people.

Any suggestions on going somewhere in between the passive-aggressive act of avoidance and the outright aggressive act of 'telling it like it is' would be greatly appreciated. My tendency is towards the latter and I could see that going very poorly and I'm not sure I want to risk trashing the relationship.

This is one of the few issues that's easier to deal with as or with a parent. It's easier to put distance into a relationship with someone who has kids, as they're busy enough not to have time to pursue much else. And if you have kids, they're a handy excuse for getting out of just about anything.

First off, I apologize for being here. I was looking for like minded adults on the subject of children and signed up and posted before I realized this whole site, "BellaOnline" was a women's site. However, I don't recall seeing anything in the rules about men not being allowed.

That being said, while I understand this may not be exactly what you are looking for, I think the first thing you need to do is to examine the relationship you have with this "friend" and determine for yourself the satisfaction you do get from it. Then, once you have determined that,"The truth shall set you free!"

It's the same old story. You don't want to hurt your friend's feelings. But in so doing, don't neglect yourself.

You shouldn't feel obligated to be a friend. This person sounds more like she belongs in the acquaintance category. True friends need to have the trust factor, and she sounds a bit too self-centered to be a true friend. You can be nice to her if your paths cross or if she calls you, but you probably have (or will have) other relationships that deserve more of your time.

Hello Snowflake ... we've got a couple men posting on this board. You are more than welcome here!

I agree with Cela. If our lives are a stage, some people have earned seats in the front row, while others deserve the nosebleed seats. (I don't know where I heard that, but I loved the saying!)

Thanks, everyone!

I know this isn't exclusively a CF issue, but this is by far the most intelligent and thoughtful forum I've ever visited.

Snowflake,

I think you're in small (but growing, and high-quality!) company here. You're not the only guy who posts here. Please stay!

Elise

Well thanks all for the welcome. I'll stop by periodically. My wife likes to spend her weekends watching her stand at a local flea market so I generally spend weekends at home putzing around the house. Sometimes on the internet sometimes out in the yard sometimes playing my guitar and sometimes all of the above. Like last weekend. However the weather wasn't exactly conducive to yard work.

I enjoy reading opinions of people who share my thoughts on procreation. My opinions on the issue have evolved over the years.

Have fun everyone. After all, isn't that what it's all about?