There are many reasons to stay with a guy even though he's not Mr. Right.
He makes you laugh.
He likes to do fun things.
He's great arm candy.
He's really, really into you.
He's the BTN guy (as in Better Than Nothing).
Of maybe he's just too good in bed.
A year or two ago, a friend flipped for a guy whom, when I met him, I didn't quite "get." He wasn't all that attractive (but it's good that we don't all fall for the same type. Vive la difference!), but more important, he wasn't all that nice; in fact, he bordered on arrogant. And he smoked pot, a lot of pot.
Just what did she see in him, I wondered.
But when I'd listen to her talk about him, I slowly started to understand, because whenever his name came up in conversation, so did s-e-x, specifically great sex ... with him. Could it be that she was in it just for the sex?
Another friend was seeing a guy for a few years, True, he was sorta cute and he had a nice bod, but whenever he and I chatted, I didn't think there was a "there" there. He wasn't a stoner, but he drank � a lot. And when I'd listen to her talk about him, I understood the big connection, too. It was all about the off-the-charts sex.
Were my girlfriends hanging on to something because the sex was just too good to walk away from?
I can't say I've ever stayed in a relationship just for the sex (although I've had a few friends-with-benefits things because, well, why not?). In fact, weird woman that I am, I stayed in a relationship longer than I should have even though the sex wasn't all that great. There were other things about him that I enjoyed, although there were enough red flags to let me know that we weren't going to be together forever. Then after a while, I decided that I wanted better sex, too, so we split.
But even if the sex keeps a woman from saying goodbye � even if she knows there are things about him that she doesn't want to be around � I wouldn't doubt that all that great lovin' triggers that oxytocin bonding thing. Then she suddenly starts looking at the guy as something more than what he is � a great romp. And then the real heartache starts...
I'm all for great sex, but it's not a substitute for a great relationship. It is, however, an important factor in one.
Have you stayed with someone just for the sex?
Have you ever felt that someone was staying with you just for the sex?
Could you be happy with someone if the sex was just so-so?
Read all my blabbing at
Kat Wilder's My So-Called Midlife 
