BellaOnline Forums Relationships Bereavement Planning

I just recently lost my mother and went through quite a horrible experience in getting the services together. Unfortunately, even though she had health problems for about 17 years, none of her wishes had been discussed or written down. In talking with my step-Dad, he knew nothing at all, nor was he any help in getting things coordinated. My brothers were lost and had no idea what to do. The only thing I knew was that my mom had purchased a burial site when my Dad passed away so many years ago. But, my family moved away from that area about 2 years ago, and like most families these days, we are spread out all over the country. After everything was done, I realized what a terribly painful experience it was getting this coordinated - and it didn't need to be. I want so bad to tell people, encourage them, plea with them to make sure and talk with their families and discuss their plans and wishes. Get anything you can coordinated ahead of time. I would hate for anyone to have to go through the experience I did.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE....do anything you can to make plans and arrangements ahead of time. Talk with your family about your wishes. It will make their grieving experience much easier.

Hi Staci, I'm sorry for your loss. It's a tough time in any case to lose a loved one, but your painful experience is a wakeup call to everyone to have those conversations ahead of time. It can be done in a way that ensures that the wishes of each one of us are acknowledged and acted on when our own time comes. We had this conversation with kind of a light hearted feeling... cremation or burial? if cremation, what should be done with the ashes? religious service or not? open casket viewing or not? special music, special food (my husband only ever gets egg salad sandwiches at funerals- he loves them, I really don't- so he wants some at his funeral... mine, shrimp and a great white wine.) When people start thinking of it in a non-threatening environment like that, they really do realize they have sometimes very strong preferences and feel good that those things will be recognized by their loved ones. Make sure someone is writing all of this down though.

Thanks for the reminder Staci. You will likely save many of us some extra and unnecessary grief.
Hugs to you. Trishh

Staci hello... my prayers are with you i know how it is to lose aparent. I lost my mom sept 16 2006 and i know how hard it was to make arrangements and everything. I believe that people should plan everything before things happens
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carah