BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids At the movies - were we out of line?

This weekend my husband and I went and saw Harry Potter. Typically we don't go to the movies, but I'm a huge fan and could not wait for this to come out on rental. The theater was pretty crowded, but not sold out, still plenty of room to spread out. A mother with her 4 or 5 year old daughter were sitting behind us and about 4 seats down. During the entire movie the daughter kept asking questions as to what was going on. She didn't whisper, she would talk as if they were at home on the couch watching a movie. The mother would give a quick but calm and timid "sshhh" and then whisper her the answer. Never did she talk about why she should be quiet or discuss the environment they were in. About 15 minutes in to the movies my husband turned around and said "Come on" He said she looked at him and then looked back at the screen. Thinking she understood what he meant, he went back to watching the movie. Five minutes later it started back up again. I turned around and said calmly and politely "Would you mind sitting somewhere else if you are going to explain the what's going on during the whole movie?" She just looked at me and then went back to her daughter. Then, the guy directly behind me called me an idiot! Am I an idiot for asking someone to be quiet in a movie? Am I an idiot because I expected a child to be quiet during the movie? Am I an idiot cause I expected a parent to actually parent? I didn't get it? So, we just decided to deal with it and watch the movie. At the end of the movie the lady bolted out of the theater so quick. We were directly in the middle of the theater and she moved so fast, she was the first one out. She knew she made things unpleasant for the 15 people directly around her - they were very disturbing. So, my husband decided he was going to say something to her. He almost had to jog to catch up. When he got to her he said, "Excuse me. Would it have been to much to move to the side of the theater where your talking would not have disturbed everyone around you?" Her response...."What are you talking about?" He was so surprised he blurted out..."Wow, are you going to teach your daughter to be as rude and discourteous parent as yourself?"

I've heard several stories of this type of situation and it appalls me. Is this poor parenting or just pure lack of respect of others? Did her parents do such a bad job teaching her manners that she's passing on the same to her daughter? I'm so tired of tolerating the lack of consideration to others because "I have kids". Granted, if this was a Disney movie, cartoon, or something specifically geared towards kids, I'd understand, it would almost be expected. But not this movie. There were infants, one that cried most of the movie, and I would guess the lady behind me was not the only one like this in the theater.

So....is this bad parenting or just another example of how respect and manners have disappeared in America? Or, maybe it's just me??? Thanks for listening to me rant

This is a tough situation, but I also cannot stand when people talk loudly in a movie theater. And I have no problem politely asking them to be quiet. It has always worked for me so...

But I think you did the right thing! Everyone deserves to have a quiet and peaceful movie-watching experience without interruptions.

I would consider Harry Potter pretty geared toward children, even though I know that it has a very large adult fanbase. And when hubby and I go to a movie we know is geared toward kids(I'm thinking Ratatouille, recently), as much as it drives us bonkers, we give consideration for the fact that 'kids will be kids'. And also, we're afraid we will cause more of a ruckus by making a scene than the kids are by being loud. So we grin and bear it.

It's a bit different if your beef is with the adult, though it sounds like they were trying to make the movie enjoyable for their kid by explaining things in a quiet way...but if someone asks you literally to move, it's obvious you're not being quiet enough. And if you have to explain the movie, it's pretty clear the kid isn't old enough to be watching it.

I agree that this is a 'child-friendly' world and we CF-ers are not much considered in the big picture, but at a children's movie, I go in knowing what I will probably face. And I come out renewed in my CF-ness!

Our experience with Ratatouilee was more annoyance with adults in the theater than the kids. One woman who had a whole brood behind us plopped two of them right beside me, while she remained in the row behind us. I have no idea why she did that...she expecting me to watch her kids for her??


ETA:
So....is this bad parenting or just another example of how respect and manners have disappeared in America?

Yes to both. I just can't be bothered to take it upon myself to parent someone else's kid or teach them manners, no matter how much they need it. But I'm very anti-confrontational. And like I said, I'm afraid a confrontation in a movie theater would disturb others more than the kid themselvs. And I don't want to risk a loogie in my hair...

Hi Staci!
No, I don't think you were out of line. Something similar happened once at the movies, and after my husband turned around and said something to the group of teenagers who probably shouldn't have been let in to the R-rated movie, and they still wouldn't quiet down. After requests from both of us to quiet down, my husband then got up and went out and got the manager who then came in and spoke with the loud teenagers and moved them to another part of the theatre! The manager said he was able to monitor them from a camera and if there was another complaint against them, he would remove them from the theatre.

I was very pleased with the manager's intervention. I figure if some idiot can't get the hint after being asked to several times, then I have every right to go get the manager to get the problem resolved. I recommend doing that the next time. Soooo, no, I don't believe you were out of line at all. And I admire the fact that your husband chased after her to talk to her! I doubt I would've done that, but secretly I would later play it over in my head and that's where I would've done it!!

Do you think the guy behind you was referring to you as an idiot or do you think he may have meant it for the lady with the loud kid? I was just wondering about that. Usually, if it's getting to the point where I am annoyed, I figure people around me are feeling the same way and that is usually the case.

LOL - I always do this! Wish I had enough guts to say something, then play in my head what I should have said to someone!



This was my thought, too, that the guy was probably referring to the mom as well.

I have kids, and I get annoyed when other parents bring their children to age-innappropriate movies. Like the time I went to see the first X-men (huge fan!) and the parents brought all their toddlers, who were screaming in terror - they should not have been there! Harry Potter movies may technically be for kids, but not for 5 year olds, hence the "PG-13" rating, but people rarely seem to pay attention to ratings anymore.

I'm also wondering about the teens in the R-rated movie...it used to be that in order for kids under 17 to get into R movies, parents had to buy the tickets, and NC-17 they coudln't get into at all. I really wonder if theatres actually do that anymore, or if anybody that wants to can buy an R-rated ticket?

This is why I don't go to the movies anymore. I had almost exactly the same scenario take place behind me at one of the "Lord of the Rings" movies. After turning around and glaring at mom a couple of times, I ended up telling her to "please shut up," and it worked. I'm not normally *that* mean, but we'd been burglarized the day before and my b.s. tolerance was low.

Two other movies were constantly interrupted by middle-aged people who just wouldn't shut it.

I'd have to say people in general are just becoming ruder and more self-absorbed.

My husband and I had a similar experience during "Lord of the Rings: Return of the King." A father loudly explained every blessed detail to his very talkative son. We politely asked them to please be quiet and were answered with glares from the father and continued loud talking from them both.

We have children and they are taught to be considerate during movies. If a plot needs to be explained that should be done pre-movie.

I too am annoyed at parents who feel the world must cater to their children. These children will grow up to be rude and self-serving.

Thankfully, we haven't had much of that. We saw Ratatouille last weekend and I've seen Harry Potter twice since it opened. We saw Rat. at an upscale, downtown theater on a Saturday night with a 95% adult audience. We saw HP this past Sun. afternoon at the same theater, similar audience. Guess parents don't want to drive their kids in from the burbs and pay for parking to go to the fancy movie theater. Works for me!! The other trick we've learned is to see HP movies on Sunday mornings - hit Panera for coffee, hit the theater for the movie. It's usually pretty empty, people are still in church during the first showing. Sweet!!

I wouldn't have DONE what you did, because I am gutless, but I would have WANTED to. Sorry you had to put up with that. I think there are certain people who really think that they are more important than others. Unfortunately, some of those people procreate.

Also - we went and saw HP two times this weekend and loved it. Which says a lot because I hated HP 3 and only tolerated HP 4. What can I say - I'm a purist.

I also agree with the person who said that HP is not geared towards 5-year-olds. This is definitely true. Plus, this movie was pretty scary.

Both shows that we went to were matinees and there were VERY few children there.

Although, we did have a jerk sitting behind us. The attendant asked everyone to get up and move to the right to fill in any seats, so we did. The guy behind us looked right at me and said, "why are you moving? That's so stupid, what is wrong with you?"

I just ignored him. I wanted to see HP and didn't need to get in a fight and get thrown out. :-)