BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Hi Boss - I'm pregnant, again

I read this blog a lot, because they actually touch on CF issues pretty regularly. Today's topic really annoyed me - it's all about how this woman gets her boss to help her work around her pregnancies. I know it's hard for Moms to work, but I don't think employers should bend over backwards to accomodate them. I don't agree with this line of thinking at all. Work is where work is done. The word family or baby should not even come up when you are speaking with your boss, unless it's an emergency, IMO. What do you guys think?

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Well, I think that, since the mom to be is going to be out for some significant length of time (minimum weeks, maximum months), the boss does have a responsibility to find a way to manage the workload deficit. That said, I notice that the writer spends about half the article praising herself. I wonder if she really continues to be as strong a performer (it can happen) or if "the lady protesteth too much". I wonder what her boss and coworkers would say about her situation.

I guess it annoys me that they get paid work leave, and get special treatment. I think the Mom should work it out with her husband, the one that decided along with her to have a child. I know women are always saying if Moms retreat to the home, the workplace won't have to work to accomodate Mom's needs. But I just don't get that argument. Why should an employer be working around someone's needs outside of work? Life happens sometimes, and people's parents get sick. But pregnancies are PLANNED (well, hopefully) and Moms still expect special treatment.

In the book "Baby Boon" they talked about this, and considered having children a life enhancing option, like having hobbies, etc. So why does everyone cater to Moms, but not to things that are important to other people? If I wanted to leave early every day because I was taking a class, my coworkers would get annoyed. But Moms are just entitled to it. I guess that's what bugs me. It's another thing no one questions, it's just automatic. Employers think they have to appear to be Mom friendly. Ugh!

I agree, inequitable treatment is a problem. I am more fortunate where I work in that my company does "work/life balance" rather than "family friendly" policies. I do see your point, though. I have a former colleague who completely abused the company's flexibility and guess who was picking up the slack before/during/after her maternity leaves (count 'em, two leaves). I finally wised up and when she came back after baby #2, I no longer took care of tasks that were really her responsibility. She ended up having to take a different position, since she was not performing up to the need. But that was her choice. I wished I had stopped enabling her sooner, especially because she was just using me and was ungrateful for all the support and flexibility she had received.

The only solution to the lack of personal time for CFs that I have found is to make sure the expectations are set before you take the job. For my current job, for example, I told the interviewer outright that while I would be willing to work hard for this company, I would not sacrifice my life to it. I told them before they hired me that I have a physical problem (my knee issue) that will occasionally require me to call out of work when I'm not sick. I set my optimum schedule and they tried to accommodate it. Over the last year and a half, my schedule has changed a few times, as the company and I adjusted to each other's changing needs, and balancing it pretty well.

(I guess I turned out to be worth it to them: Not many non-management people in retail practically write their own schedules and have 3 different departments wooing them. I do. Sorry to brag, but work has been very nice lately. )

As for picking up the slack of absent parents, I can find no way around it. The law protects the parents too much and protects the companies and coworkers not at all. Additionally, most management would feel twice as guilty canning a parent for attendance issues as they would for a non parent.

Very true! And also, employers are looked down upon when they are being inconsiderate about child-related situations. The law protects parents and so does the human conscience.

I was having this discussion with my sister, who is considering rejoining the workforce after being out for 10 years to have a kid. I told her bluntly that in my opinion most companies would, all things being equal, hire a man with no kids over a woman who has kids.

Because you KNOW the woman with kids will be out more than the man. It is expected that the moms take off work for sick kids, soccer games, etc. And why would you hire someone knowing that they may be out at critical times and knowing they WILL be out more than an equally capable person.

And as unfair as that seems to mothers, it makes perfect business sense.

As for companies making special accomodations for women having kids while employed and such...well, I can see it on one hand, but on the other, I feel like...I'm a person too! I have needs and wants and just because they don't include bringing another person into the world, why can't I have the same consideration? If I want to adopt a cat, can I get time off for bonding, like people do if they adopt a baby? Of course not...because my wants and needs aren't as important as a breeder's wants and needs.

Couple things here.

My sister is taking off for maternity leave next week. Her leave is unpaid. She was saying that she'll have to go back to work ASAP after the baby is three months because she doesn't get paid. I was all sympathetic and whatever, but honestly, I don't think maternity leave SHOULD be paid.

I love my sister, I love my nephew, and I'll love my niece, but my sister cannot afford another baby. They had to buy a new house for this baby, and they could barely afford to live in the last house. Neither of them make a lot of money in the first place. Having three months off - I can't imagine how in debt they are.

So, I wonder WHY did they plan a second child? Although, she says that this is her last one.

Another thing here - when I was a kid, my mom planned my activities around her work schedule. She never took off. If I was sick, a grandparent picked me up. I guess we were both lucky. And by the time we were 8, I was a latch-key kid, so I just took care of myself.

A nice thing, though, is that when my grandma was terminally ill and my mom was her primary caretaker, she used up a ton of sick days to take Grandma to the doctor. She's only supposed to use personal days for that kind of stuff, but they let her use her sick days because she had hundreds of them and she's been there over 30 years.

So I thought that was considerate, considering that her school district has been screwing her over the last few years. At least they gave her that. And she was gone probably 1/3 of the school year with stuff concerning my grandma.

A women with the moniker "Childless by Choice" posted to yesterday's blog, and got ripped on for belonging to a CBC group. This is just one comment that surfaced. People with kids don't get that we need to find unchilded friends if we ever want to do something other than attend kiddie events, or sit in the boring house!
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in fact, my husband and I belong to a "Childless By Choice" meet up group
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That's weird. That you are so hung up on this childless thing that you choose to meet people on that premise alone? How about an art group? What do you guys do, just complain about people with kids? Really really odd.

I think it is nice that women are given maternity leave and some extra benefits along with their employment. But I strongly believe that this choice should not be abused.

What I am not happy about is that when pregnant women want to stay in the office and pretend that they work but in actual fact slack off. In other words, I don't respect pregnant women who makes other women look bad by presenting themselves as victims. It's not just pregnancy. How many women you know use PMS or menstruation as the once a month justification for things go wrong?

Well, you girls should check out Denmark! Here, everyone...even dads get a break. There's a 6 months maternity OR paternity leave. This means, a woman can go back to work and start making up for loss time in her career and let her partner do his part with the baby. I think this is a great system.

But it's not just for dads and mums. Workplaces encourage people to leave by 5pm irregardless if they're single or have kids. What they do after 5pm is up to them.

I like to have choices as a woman. I like to be able to make these choices based on my own discretions and goals. So it's nice to know that if a woman chooses to have a kid, she can take off and take care of that aspect of life for a while...OR in my case, if I choose not to have kids, I can take time off for my studies.

I think the problem is not that the law allows this leave. It is that many women choose to present themselves and act as victims using pregnancy as just one of the excuses.

In my country, many girls in school skip Physical exercise classes during their menstruation. Many Muslim people use their 5 times a day prayers to sit and chat in their prayer room.

So it all boils down to one's integrity and attitude towards work. My lady boss worked (very hard) up to her 8th month and delivered our project just before she delivered her son. THEN she took the 6 months off to concentrate on resting.

If she didn't work well during her pregnancy, the company wouldn't have promoted her when she returned after 6 months.

My point: It's not the law. It's the women's attitude to work and their lives.

Related to this point is also the fact that many of us choose not to have kids because we want more out of life and we're more perfectionist. Many people who have kids, in contrast, take the chance in being imperfect...including in their jobs.