BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence Beware of Religious Advice

If you or your children have been hit (other than the children being spanked) so as to leave discernable marks two hours later, and you genuinely fear that he will repeat his battering, you can take legal steps without divorcing your husband. In a moment when he is not angry, calmly inform him that the next time he physically assaults you or the kids, you are going to call the law and have him arrested. You must first resolve in your heart that you are willing to prosecute him and see him go to jail. I visit prisons every week. It is a great place to mull over the consequences of one�s deeds. And I have never met a prisoner that turned down a visit from anyone. Think about it, lady; it is a great time for writing love letters and sharing a three-minute romantic phone call once a week. Guys who get out of prison run straight home to their ladies and treat them wonderfully�for a while anyway.

If your abusing husband fully understands that you have the power of the law behind you, he will learn to keep his hands in his pockets. I am not suggesting you do this to be vindictive or to get even with him. It must be done in humility and love. If your husbands knows that you are the weaker vessel, desperately seeking your survival and that of the kids, and that you are not trying to punish him, but that you are going to stand by and continue to love him, that you are going to wait for him to get out of prison and then try to start over again, it may move his heart to fear if not to repentance. You say, he cannot help himself. Does he help himself when his peers�other men his own size�make him angry? Does he fly out of control and start hitting his boss or his employees? No? Then he has self-control when he must. The law can make it a must, which will allow you to continue with him and demonstrate your womanhood and win him to yourself and then to your God.

But if your husband has sexually molested the children, you should approach him with it. If he is truly repentant (not just exposed) and is willing to seek counseling, you may feel comfortable giving him an opportunity to prove himself, as long as you know the children are safe. If there is any thought that they are not safe, or if he is not repentant and willing to seek help, then go to the law and have him arrested. Stick by him, but testify against him in court. Have him do about 10 to 20 years, and by the time he gets out, you will have raised the kids, and you can be waiting for him with open arms of forgiveness and restitution. Will this glorify God? Forever. You ask, "What if he doesn�t repent even then?" Then you will be rewarded in heaven equal to the martyrs, and God will have something to rub in the Devil�s face. God hates divorce�always, forever, regardless, without exception.

There is much I can write about "Christians" and their advice to someone who is being abused. When I was in the process of trying to get away from my abuser, I went to 2 pastors, one was running the homeless shelter I was living in. I was told both times that in order to be a good wife I had to stay by his side and help him work through his anger, that God didn't like divorce, that I was a coward for abandoning my husband in his time of need, etc. His time of need??? He beat the snot out of me the night before, I have bruises up and down my back and arms and he is in his time of need.

I could go on and on. I have been wanting to do an article or several on the reaction of religious "leaders" and how they handle domestic violence among their congregation but I think I would cause a problem with my opinions and statements.