BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids True CF Confessions

So I have a little confession for ya'll.

I'm here because I was DECIDEDLY CF for about 5 years, and then for the last year have had second thoughts.

I really like this board because it's sensible and has great dialogue. I'm hoping to rebolster my CF notions, but I was losing the battle with myself... until last night.

My partner and I were working out a rough budget so that we can figure out how much of a house/condo we can afford to buy next year. I was essentially counting up all our expenses, and then trying to apply the 50 needs/ 30 wants/ 20 savings ratio from All Your Worth (though I haven't read it). Then solving for x (what we can afford for our house, property tax, and home owner's insurance) out of our 50% needs budget.

OMG. We can NOT afford that much. He has a great job, and I'm finishing up grad school and hope to be getting a good job VERY soon. We should be in the bottom of the upper middle class bracket once I'm employeed. We had to adjust our expenses to 60% needs, 20% wants, 20% savings to be able to afford suitable housing.

That KNOCKED the baby fantasy RIGHT out of me. LOL. I don't know how people do it. I hate to shop. I hate to buy excessive things (in fact I'm a minimalist who prefers purging to acquiring). I hate to waste money, we will be well off and yet, our budget will be tight once we buy a house.

That's my confession, and happy resolution. Any one have any other confessions

Here's my confession, and it's something I've been more or less hiding from all of you for months...

I'm CF, but my fiance isn't. He has a daughter from a previous relationship. She lives with her mom and we don't see her as often as we'd like, but she's only a 30 minute drive away.

I have never said this to him, but I'm very glad he had a child before I met him. He is such a great match for me, but I have no doubt he wouldn't have hooked up with a decidedly CF girl if someone else hadn't already "accidentally" made him a Dad.

As much as I dislike his ex, she did me a favor in a way. He would rather be a full time Dad than a part time one, but if he hadn't had a child with his ex, he would not have had either. It got me (sort of) off the hook and gave me the opportunity to be with a man I adore who likes parenting without me having to partake in it more than part time.

The girl will be 8 in the fall. She's a sweet, quiet, well-mannered little thing. A good kid, overall. But I have to disappear for little "breaks" periodically during her visits. My tolerance for children is that low. They're exhausting! Fortunately, she's known me and that habit since she was about 3, and likely has no idea that my "breaks" are less than normal.

Myrabeth, you've been hiding this from us all these months! Now we don't like you anymore. JUST KIDDING! I hope that her visits don't tire you out too much. I'm also glad to hear that she is a sweet girl.

Confession -- I reverse-Bingoed a relative of my dh at the reunion. A cousin was complaining about how she has harassed her daughter about grandchildren and still doesn't have any, adding that the daughter will be teaching school this year. I said "Uh-oh! Many teachers decide never to have children after seeing what they're like up close and personal every day!"

It was fun.

bassgrrl- That's brilliant

Thanks! I've learned so much during the months I've been here I thought it would be a shame not to 'share the wealth.'

Good for you! Teaching for seven years really 'cured' me...of teaching and having a kid! Yikes!

My CF confession: I really have a hard time getting excited for baby announcements...in fact, I get peeved. I was actually [censored] at Angelina Jolie for caving into Brad and popping one out.

Same here. I don't know if my body language betrays me (it probably does), but I always try to act happy, when deep inside I say to myself: "There goes another one. How typical and boring!". It just bothers me how people just go with the flow! Well, maybe not everyone has kids just because of that, but that's what it seems to me. That's my confession.

Agreed ladies! I think it's annoying that EVERYONE has to have kids. I think they are just following the script, too. It bores me to tears. And it's another person surrendering their entire life - dreams, goals, hobbies, to raise another human being that might end up working in a gas station. I mean, I don't care if someone works in a gas station. That's their choice. But if I give up everything that I have, my talents, skills, etc., and then had a child with no aspirations, I would be mad. One of the many reasons I won't do it.

Another confession - I have when people's strollers dominate public places. I was in a woman's boutique this weekend, and this woman parked her kid right in front of a sale rack. I couldn't get to the clothes. She finally move him, but I'm like, why is this baby infringing on my shopping? Move your darn stroller!

You nailed it with that one happy!! This weekend I was at the farmer's market and it was kind of crowded. I was tried to get into a stall to buy some vegetables. This mom looked straight at me coming, and then pushed her a double stroller across the whole aisle so no one could pass, and then turned her back. I've also had people in crowds or lines ram the back of my legs with strollers. Don't mean to be a humbug, but strollers bug me for some reason. I like kids better than strollers! I like the baby-wearing approach a lot better. In fact, I've been wanting a sling for my cat.