BellaOnline Forums Education Gifted Education at a crossroads with my gifted son

I'm posting this because there have to be more out there that are really researching their children's education for the first time. We all have a crossroads we come to, where we realize that the way our children learn is different. How are you, or have you, dealt with yours?

Public school?
Acceleration?
Homeschool?
Private school?

Why are you, or have you, chosen this for your kid(s)?
Is it working?

Are you just in the panic stage, like myself, because you are at this crossroads?

We have done a little of all of the above.

Our son didn't meet the age cut-off for K in most states when we know he was ready, so we started out with private school in K-1. Technically, he was considered "grade advanced" (as opposed to accelerated, since we never skipped a grade). Then we put him in public school for half a year in 2nd grade (and the fact that it was just half a year tells how successful that was!) He went from loving school to not wanting to go. We pulled him out and put him back in his old (private and very small) school.

In first grade, about a month into it, he asked me, "What if, when I had started in this school, I had started in 1st grade?" It was his round-about way of saying, "I could have done this last year" -- but he wasn't sure how it would be received, so he went the tap-dance route. I looked further, and then talked a bit with the principal (who, it turns out, not only had raised gifted kids, but had a masters in gifted ed, which came after her first was id'd), who said she would test his reading level when she got a chance.

He was in the 99.9th percentiles pretty much across the board, and that was the first time the G word had been used with him -- she said she had no doubt that if he had an IQ test, he would test in the gifted range.

If I knew then what I know now, I might have done things differently, but I followed the principal's lead, and she didn't want to skip him for fear of gaps. What ended up happening is that he was allowed to do the 2nd grade spelling words, and given different worksheets than classmates to broaden his curriculum, rather than outright advance.

Public school, he was just plain bored.

Back to the private school -- it wasn't until 4th grade (and the only year that they had that teacher for math and science) that his math teacher said she was having trouble keeping up with him. (Not that he was so far she didn't know the math, but that she was trying to find a comfortable challenging spot for him.) So the principal tested his math, and -- surprise, surprise, similar percentiles. Sigh -- all that time he was mentally twiddling his thumbs.

Fifth grade, we were consulted, and we consented for him to start doing pre-algebra work. Then next year, we were looking at possible schools for middle school (and considering homeschooling) when my dh got laid off. Made homeschooling the obvious choice, since we couldn't afford such hefty tuitions!

Last year was a blended year. He was at a math/science center for, well, math and science (and it worked out well that the previous year we had not done any math, since it synched him up well with their program), and he did their 10th grade of AP Physics, AP Statistics and a course that, despite its label, is essentially a precalc course. So, technically, that is ahead of grade level, but in step with others at that school.

I will say, the beginning of the year was rough, because he was resistant to being there, and he was willing to make my life as miserable as possible to see if I would pull him out. Eventually, he came to appreciate the pluses of being there (coooool lab equipment, field trips, and being with kids who were actually there to learn) though by the end of the year, though he had improved on showing his work, he acknowledged that he still had room for improvement. (I've been beating my head bloody trying to get him to do that!)

Learning differently -- well, that can be said whether gifted or not, really, since different people approach things differently. My son learns math differently than I do -- the approach I thought was easiest was harder to him, and vice versa. I had to adapt and find resources that worked better for him. And chance how we tackled things, etc.

I panic on a semi-regular basis, because I see all the things I have done wrong over the years, and I see the time slipping by so very fast. I basically have 2 years left, and I remember feeling panicky when I had a mere 7!

We all want what is best for our children, and it is so hard to know just what that is. I try to tell myself that it won't be perfect, but it will be a good enough lift (I hope) to get him to where he can go where he needs to. That's on the good moments. The other times, I panic and am sure I screwed up royally, etc.

We went with homeschooling because I researched it when our son was 2 (at the urging of others, including our son's pediatrician who informed us at our son's 18-month-old check-up that he should be homeschooled, even though she had her smart kids in the same county's public schools the entire way up) and found it the best option *in general* (not just for high IQ kids) academically (not just in standardized test scores, but also higher GPAs and far less drop out rates in colleges), socially (yes, socially), physically (less health issues), emotionally (less mental issues), professionally (couldn't find a single case of unemployment for the homeschooled group, and they have an incredibly high rate of entrepreneurship, which our son at 2 had already expressed as his goal), etc. So while I was resistant about homeschooling for the first few years after I learned about it (I first heard about it when I was pregnant as our Bradley class instructor was about to pull her son out of public school to homeschool, and at that time, I wrote it off to a "CA thing" just as I did when the pediatrician mentioned it as she was trained in CA), once I researched the topic, it seemed a no brainer to me. And I've never regretted that decision or even been iffy on it. Our son still so strongly supports homeschooling that he stopped seeing a girl who had been homeschooled and then went back to public school (he feels that he could marry a girl who had never been homeschooled so long as she was open to homeschooling, but can't see having a girlfriend who was homeschooled and didn't realize how great that opportunity was such that she returned to public school).

We never skipped any grades as far as acceleration went, but we did allow our son to learn what he wanted as he wanted as best we could. Now he wanted to start college when he was 6, and we wouldn't even let him apply as *we* as *parents* felt we weren't ready for our son to be in college, and then we let him apply though a fluke incident to apply to college at 8 and he was accepted, but we insisted he wait till turning 9 to actually start and even then, would only allow him to take one course to start. He earned his two bachelor's degrees at age 13 and wanted to go straight to graduate school until he went on Semester at Sea the summer before his final year of college and I promised to give him more foreign travel if he just waited another year to apply to graduate school, and he accepted that offer, but even waiting a year, he still started graduate school at 14 (as he was one of only two people in his major who was invited to start in June rather than the fall).

Early college went well for our son, but living on his own in a graduate dorm has been trying for us as he hasn't continued to be responsible about going to bed or getting up at a reasonable time, eating right, exercising, making appointments, etc. like he was before he moved out, but he has so far still been more responsible than many college or graduate school students (he has paid all his bills on time, never asked us for money, not abused the family cell phone service and told us about the time he had a conversation with a gal in the USA who called him while he was on business in Norway and offered to pay for that charge, managed despite his procrastination and missing classes due to business and being late to classes at times due to absent-mindedness to still do well academically - he got all A's and an A+ last semester, hasn't used drugs or alcohol as best we can tell, doesn't go for days or more not returning our calls or emails like some students do with their parents, etc.). My vote on both early college and living on one's own while in graduate school *for our son* will remain out for many years to come, I suspect, after I learn how *he* has felt about the experience as an adult in his mid-20's to early 30's. For other people, early college has worked for more than it hasn't according to research done on the topic (despite what anecdotes online might have one guessing), and I hope it will be the same for our son (who as of this past weekend, still says early college was a good decision that he made). I'm not even sure if I know of any other early graduate students who were living on campus so young, though I know of at least one early college student who lived on campus at 14 and felt it was crucial to his development. The number of early to graduate school students who live on campus might still be too small to even make judgment calls on whether it is wise or not to do *in general* and of course, each person isn't a "general" situation and so even knowing how it "usually" goes might not be *all* that helpful.

Briefly considered homeschooling, but decided it wasn't for us. We've done public school all the way--never regretted it. Two boys, both of whom are identified as gifted. The youngest one (age 10) skipped a full grade and has been accelerated several grades in math--this fall he will start 8th-grade algebra. The schools have been very helpful and have accomodated all of our requests and issues. Can't complain. We wouldn't do it any other way.

We'll start with homeschooling and then take it year-by-year.. He's thriving at home and is involved in multiple homeschool groups, sports, and classes.

Have you seen these sites about homeschooling gifted kids?

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Amy! I'm glad to see you here again. It's interesting to hear that you once considered homeschooling. May I ask what prompted you to even think about it? I know that you have been very successful at getting the needs of your children met through the public school system.

My own family took a series of steps leading away from traditional neighborhood school. At one point we opted for a city magnet school, at another "crossroads" we chose to send our son to a start-up charter school. The final crossroads that ended with homeschooling would have been inconceivable for us had we not tried so many other arrangements.

These days, I am very grateful that we took that leap to homeschooling, but I also realize that this lifestyle isn't for everyone. The burden felt tremendously huge at first. Nowadays I don't stress over the educational stuff, but I do dream about having more time alone. I feel the pressure of always being "on duty" and the rare moments when I can read or write without interruptions are too fleeting. It's all cyclic though, and I am sure that once my toddler begins to sleep through the night I'll have more energy and time on my side.

Jan, did you always plan to homeschool? Your kids are very young, right?

Lorel

We've gone from public school, to private school to charter school and next year our DS (age 8) will start at a magnate charter (school within a school). The public school classified him as having ADHD. The private school insisted he had behavior issues. We had him tested. He was BORED! The only subject he performed at grade-level in was math--he wasn't at all interested in it. Every other subject he was several grades ahead. We're only moving him from the charter to the magnate now to keep him in an accelerated path. Would we homeschool? Without a doubt, if and only if it was what he truly needed.

Education is successful when the program (regardless of source) fits the specific needs of the child and challenges him/her to do his/her very best. In my book, simply meeting basic educational needs isn't enough. The child must be nurtured, supported, challenged, guided, and exposed to the world in which he/she lives. If the program can do all of that and permit the child to develop as an individual, encourage free-thinking, encourage independence, encourage creativity and help the child discover his/her own path to success (as defined by the child), then you're good.

Lorel, you just confirmed my fears. Not that that first year of hs'ing wouldn't have.

I was looking forward to sending my son to ps for one reason - off-duty hours. I've decided they can wait a little longer, but I do run a business as well. Juggling sounds interesting to say the least!

Any ideas that you've had success with for sneaking in those childless moments during your day that are still productive for your children? That may be the most important advice I can ask for. I do NOT want to be a burn-out hs'er! I will need a little solitary rejuvenation now and then, as my son (like so many gt kids) is a relentless learner and guiding him in his pursuits will need attention and energy!

yes jan, thank you! i actually pulled them off an old thread you posted. they're very interesting!

I met a friend/teacher at a spring meeting of our state gifted ed advocacy group. She asked me "Are you still homeschooling?" and I was wondering if she was amused, horrified, etc, at my response:" Well, I've got to tell you. I realized that there were a few schools in the state I had not sent X to yet, so I had to remedy that situation. X has been to public school, parochial school, homeschooled two different times,charter school, and next year he will be in a private school. Yes, he is only 10, but what a record he has." I say that with a laugh...and some secret tears.

It can be really tough to find the right place for a gifted child. We have found elements of success in all schools, and big holes in all schooling situations. We also have seen that what works one year does not always work the next year. We have labored with the idea that continuity in itself would be our ideal, but we have also had to deal with schools in which teachers or administrators just could not accept the flexibility needed to deal with an unusual learner.

My son is very well behaved and I have never heard a complaint from a teacher (well, two said he learned too fast and that really bothered them).But he has often been very sad.

So, with number two I am holding onto my seat.We investigated a number of schools and considered trying him in the public school at which my first son started.They are as different in learning and personality as night and day. But #2 is often described as a character (lovingly and not so lovingly) by some adults and we tried to find a school that could let him be a character (a well-behaved character) and still learn and be appreciated. We are going to put him in K in a school that #1 never attended. It is a small private school that does seem to get differentiation. We will be watching very closely and keeping our fingers crossed.

I would never RECOMMEND our educational itinerary as a route for all families but I would say that we know that we have done our best in advocating for our child in each and every school. I have been class mother and on every volunteer committee you can imagine.We have tried to support teachers 150%.But our allegiance is to our kids and when it ain't working it ain't working. Their lives are too short to say "Buck it up...". One way or another, I want them to learn how to learn and try to keep the spark alive.