BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids "I'm Still a Person"

Hi,

I've just been thinking/obsessing about some of the conversations that took place at the family reunion last weekend. I have the tendency to do that.

Anyway, my aunt is like 60 and hasn't "worked" in a few years, but she has been very active in caring for her grandson that lives very close by. She said that people are incredulous that she doesn't work. And she said "I'm still a person."

This is the same woman that was telling me how her daughter would roll her eyes when she (my aunt) asked about grandchildren, and then several years later her daughter had a son. She was basically telling me that this might be my fate, too. The fact that she asked her daughter about kids is annoying in itself. My Mom has a lot of faults, but she NEVER bugs me about this. Plus, my Mom knows how I feel about kids, and she leaves it alone. My Mom also never bugged me about getting married, ever!

I should have said, "I'm a person, too" when she started this conversation. My point is this - why is it okay for her to not work, but not okay for me not to have a baby? Aren't we all allowed to decide what is right for ourselves?

And my aunt is a lot more together than my Mom (her sister.) She's always bragging about her daughters and it's a little annoying. They are relatively successful, as are their husbands. She was talking about how lucky she is, and everything. Okay, cool, so having a bunch of grandkids makes you happy. Why can't you let me define my own happiness? I'm really happy, too. It does bug me that my Mom never raves on and on about how wonderful I am like my aunt does. My one sister and I are doing well - it's just the youngest that is a complete trainwreck.

Sorry for rambling, I'm just annoyed...

Don't mind your rant at all Happy! I know exactly what you mean. I find it extremely annoying too how people "know" that bragging is obnoxious, yet they think there are exceptions to the rule, like when it comes to kids and grandkids. It's great that they feel that way, but why why why can't they just BE happy instead of telling everyone about it. It seems like most of the satisfaction that comes from having grandkids is having something to brag about. Do people think the rules of social etiquette are really that flexible? In my opinion bragging is bragging, and if you do it a lot, you will soon find yourself lonely, no matter how many grandkids you have. Even they'll get sick of you eventually.

It's not bad to find happiness in your own good fortune, but to talk like that in front of people who don't have kids can really be taken badly. What if someone is going through infertility treatments? It's thoughtless and inconsiderate, and to me it displays the shallowness and lack of self esteem of the person speaking.

You and your mom are lucky too!! You are lucky that you have a mom that respects your decision and is not harassing you about babies. Your mom is lucky to have an open-minded daughter that defines what it means to be "happy" in your own terms. I would imagine that your aunt and cousins are probably not as "golden" as they would have you to believe. And, if they are, why would your aunt feel the need to make such comments. Truly happy people don't need to criticize/question the lives of others. I have a Bi#ch A$S cousin and aunt that tag team me every chance they get b/c of my choices not to have kids and try to make me feel guilty b/c they had kids in their teens and in short ruined their lives. So, how DARE I have the audacity to not do the same....?
There I go, making this about me....sorry! But, don't worry about them. We'll see who the really lucky ones are when those grandkids become the horrible merciless monsters we all know as teenagers.

Thanks for the support, ladies. Don't worry DSTLady, I didn't think you were making it about you at all. I worry about that sometimes, but that's what this forum is about - sharing our experiences and supporting each other. I find so much of the stuff on this board is related to my life, and I feel like I am connecting by having a similar story.

I agree about my aunt. I was talking to my therapist about her today, and she said well what is going on in your aunt's life right now. And I said, nothing, really. And we both agreed that's why she keeps talking about her kids/grandkids, because that's all she really has going on. It's so true that the rules are different with parents/grandparents. We've talked about that before on the board. People can go on about their kids, but God forbid you want to talk about what's important to you. No one wants to hear about it.

I think it's ridiculous when someone that clearly didn't plan their pregnancy tries to talk someone into parenting (I'm assuming your relatives didn't plan to get pregnant in their teens?) That is definitely an open and closed case of jealousy and misery loves company (no offense to your relatives). I don't think many teenage Moms have a rip roaring good time adjusting to motherhood.