BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids frustration with friends

This has nothing to do with being childfree...I just need to vent!

I have never had much success with girl friends. But my recent experiences with several girls at work have left me completely befuddled...and frustrated!!

Both girls make plans with me and then "flake". One of them flakes frequently because she is "feeling sad" and "needs alone time". The other flakes because "she forgot" or made several plans for the same night and claims that she messed up and booked too many things.

Now, keep in mind, I am very independant, do my own thing and would consider myself a loner. If anyone understands "alone" time,it is me.

But if these girls are not in the mood, they just dont go. Just last week, one made plans with me (on my birthday) and then when I called to see where she wanted to meet, she backed out.

There are plenty of times that I make plans and am not in the mood...yet I fulfill my plans because I made them. On occassion, cancelling is fine...but more than 50% of the time?

Is this normal? Both girls are 24 and I am 32. Not to sound like an old lady,but I wonder if it is a generational thing...like the fact that they will have a conversation with me while texting someone else....

Just tonight, one of them flaked. Again. I want to stop being there for these girls...yet, my nature is to be there for you if you need anything. I always assume it will be returned...but it is not in this case!

Thank you for letting me vent.

Not normal, not cool, not acceptable.

I would just stop making plans with them. It sounds like they don't have a lot of consideration for other people.

Thank you guys for listening. Ironically, I am no longer making plans with them. Currently, they initiate the plans, then flake on their own plans.

One of them wants to have kids. I have to chuckle...want to talk about no along time....:)

Chaco,

I experienced this a LOT in my 20s. So I do think it's an age thing - at least in my experience.

I agree that it's rude and inconsiderate. It has gotten better as I've gotten older, and my friends have gotten older, too. But it took me a long time to find decent friends that weren't constantly blowing me off. You are not alone. Another reason I think being young sucks - I would never want to have a kid and watch them go through all the bs I went through with friends when I was younger.

I also found it got better, because people in their 20s, typically, are obsessed with the bar scene. I would try to go to dinner with people, or invite them over. But all they wanted to do was go to bars, where, of course, you can't really have a conversation with someone without screaming over the noise.

And, I always felt like they just wanted someone, a body, to go to the bar with them so they could "meet someone" (anyone). And then, they would fall off the face of the earth when they started dating someone.

Sorry, but you struck a chord with me! Ugh! Women suck this way. I feel like guys are more loyal to each other, and not as obessed about meeting someone.

Hey guys! Be careful not to judge all 20-somethings! I've always been the type to keep my dates -friends, boyfriends, family, whatever. I know the type of women you're dealing with, though. Maybe the issue is more about assuming married friends are always going to be available and ditching them for single friends who (like themselves) will ditch them as soon as they get a man?

I feel your pain.

I'm almost to the point where I only want friendly acquaintances. I don't expect others to be perfect all the time, but most of my female 'friends' have disappointed me to the extent where I feel like just fading away from them.

I would say I almost always keep my dates or appointments even when I don't want to. The thing is, even when I "don't want to", I do have fun once I make myself go out.

The only exception is when I'm pretty deep in a depression. Then I flake, because I'm "afraid" to go out with people. Though as I've gotten older, I am less prone to flake even when depressed (I'm only 27 now). That would not be an excuse, but perhaps an explanation.

I agree though, when people flake on me I stop making plans with them. In the rare occasion that someone is persistant, I'll make plans with them AND have a back up plan for something to do with myself, so that I'm not disappointed if it doesn't work out.

I hear ya Chaco- it's one of my biggest pet peeves. I've met several people who are like that. A "yes" often means "sure, if nothing that sounds better comes up in the meantime". I haven't been able to figure out whether it's an age thing, a regional thing (some of my friends have theorized it's a NorCal thing, but I disagree), or what.

I always block out the time if I've made plans, and only flake if I get sick or there's some sort of emergency. Otherwise I feel like it's just rude.

With one or two people in my life, I can tell it's not about how much they care about me, and having them in my life is worth the hassle, so I just have learned to expect it and prepare myself for a last minute change. I still wish it didn't happen though.

I agree with myrabeth - we're not all like that! I've never ditched any of my friends, ever. I had one friend who would back out of everything ... starting when she was about 17, and now she's 29 with two kids and still does it.

I've never been into the bar scene, though, and none have my friends have been, either. So, like someone said, maybe that has something to do with it.