BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids FEELING GUILTY.....AM I WRONG??

Hi all!

Well, I thought there is no better place than this forum to talk about my feeling guilty about this. If anyone can understand me is you guys.

So, some friends of ours are visiting California from Mexico this weekend. They have 3 kids, and will be doing the usual Sea World/Disneyland, etc.. type of trip. Because we live in Vegas (only about a 4 hr. drive), DH and I had told them we would drive to CA this weekend to spend at least Saturday with them, since we haven't seen them for a few years, and they are really good friends of ours. So, DH and I had anticipated that, since they would have all week to get theme parks and whatnot out of their system, maybe on Saturday they would want to do something different. Maybe walking around Santa Monica or going to the Griffith Observatory, hit some of the LA museums or the like. Something that both adults and kids could enjoy and, MAYBE, we could squeeze in some time with them to have a good old adult conversation. We have had great times with them in the past (prior to them having 3 kids), and thought that if we made the effort, this time should be just a little, but not much, different. Well, my friend called DH this morning to tell him that they are going to Universal Studios on Saturday, and that they would call us when we were on our way to arrange a meeting place, time, etc... The thing is....I no longer want to go. I really don't feel like driving for 4 hours to walk around a theme park I've been to many times, in the middle of summer, under a 100-degree weather, catering to the needs of a 3 and a 2-year old (plus a moody 13-year old) only to have very little time to actually spend with the adults, talking and whatnot. Not to mention, spending at least 200.00 (admission, hotel, meals, etc..) for something I know I'm not going to enjoy to the fullest. The worse part is...I feel guilty for not wanting to go. I don't know, one part of me really does not want to waste my precious free time going to a crowded theme park, and the other part says I should go because that's what a good friend would do. After all, they are my friends and I should accept them and their kids, plus, it's not like we see each other every week, right?...I don't know. It's not that I don't accept them, and I don't want to spend time with them, it's just I don't want to spend it like that. Am I being selfish? I feel guilty, and I don't want to feel like this.

Help!!

I hear ya- but try not to feel guilty! You have a right to how you want to spend your time. Did you suggest some of these alternatives to them? Is there another day they could go to the theme park? You may want to mention that you'd be better able to spend quality time with all of them (including the kids) in a less frenetic atmosphere...

Anyway. I'd say that if you talk to them and they still insist that that's what they're doing, but you can tag along, you'd be perfectly justified in saying "no, thanks". I'd be feeling bad about it too, but just because of guilt-conditioning. There's no reason you should have to drive that far and spend that much $$ to just tag along on something *they're* doing (and that is kid centered anyway) if they won't consider your opinions on how to spend your only day together. JMO and HTH.

Maybe compromise so to speak, you and your dh should plan a great trip for you and your dh. Maybe join them later for dinner or breakfast, but definately don't spend your day doing something you don't want to do. Just let them know, we will be spending the day doing such and such and would be happy to meet up, or maybe you would like to join us at the museum. Maybe their plans will adjust to yours. I know, in a perfect world, but maybe it's worth a shot. Good luck!

tiaali,
It just sounds like you guys have a little communication problem here. Since, as you've said, you and DH "anticipated" that you would do an activity that both adults and kids could enjoy - you can't assume that your friends would come up with the same idea. I think sometimes people with kids are so used to doing kid activities exclusively that it might not occur to them to do anything else. I would definitely pick up the phone and suggest these alternative activities. Emphasize that you want to do something that both adults and kids would enjoy and that you'd love the chance to spend some quality time with them, since you don't get to see them very often. Perhaps suggest several options and ask their opinion of which one they would prefer. A busy theme park is not exactly the place for catching up with old friends - and anyway they can do this on their own during the week. It sounds like they are nice people and would understand. I don't think you should feel guilty, but it's up to you to suggest a more reasonable activity.

Good friends should not be expected to happily pay the admission to an expensive theme park just to get together. I would mention that you really want to see them and catch up...but that financially, Universal Studios is out of your budget. Suggest your more economical ideas and see what they say. If they are not flexible, then you have no need to feel guilty!!

I agree that you should give them a call with an alternate plan for Saturday. I would explain to them as you explained it to us here ... you've been there many times and would like to share other fun aspects of California with them.

Either that, or go into LA for the day, spend the first part of the day somewhere nice with your DH, and then tell them you'll meet them for drinks and erly dinner on the Citywalk. That way you get to spend a nice day with your SO, and still have some time to chill with them after they've done the theme park thing. The only problem I can see with this is that the babies are going to be exhausted and cranky... and the parents maybe not much better :-)

Theme parks are brutal, especially in the summertime. I would suggest an alternative, and maybe even tell them the idea of standing in lines in the hot California sun just isn't your thing. They should understand.

Aren't a 3 year old and a 2 year old too young for a theme park anyway? They are just going to be strapped in strollers sweating. I mean, that sounds like a horrible day for everyone but the 13 year old. Maybe he's the one calling the shots.

No, you're not wrong at all. I think that you should definitely do what so many on here have suggested and talk to your friends about an alternate plan for Saturday.

I am sure that my DH and I will be in this same situation at some point, with all of our friends having kids like crazy lately and the fact that we're all spread out all over the country now and don't get to see each other much anymore...