BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids aversion to pregnancy/childbirth experience

I have to agree - the idea of pregnancy really freaks me out. I absolutely hate listening to women discuss their birthing experiences - I actually get light-headed listening to all the gross, graphic details. I'm not good around blood and needles....and the idea of that kind of intense pain is way too much for me.

I too am averse to pregnancy and childbirth. Even on TV it can be a horrific scene - and that's not even reality!

I'm like you, Snooks. I too get light-headed when it comes to seeing and hearing graphic details. For example, I've fainted twice at the sight of my own blood; once when I cut myself on a broken coffee carafe, and once again when I sliced my finger simply cutting a bagel. Frankly, I don't know who'd take over pushing once I'm passed out and useless in the delivery room.

I don't feel comfortable or satisfied in my prenatal body over half the year. I fear I'd grow really depressed during and after pregnancy. That wouldn't be good for anyone, let alone a dependent child.

Because I do have issues with mood swings and SAD, not to mention self-esteem issues, I fear I'm a candidate for falling into some dangerous post-partum depression.

I was particularly shocked and frightened by this woman's experience:

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Same story here, Damita. Can't count how many times I've fainted over real pain or graphic stories. Every time I have blood drawn, I pass out. When I had my ears pierced, I passed out right there at the mall.

Stories about births have the exact same effect. I remember back when I was nineteen -- I went to the hospital to see the baby of my co-worker's wife. When we were there, one of my female co-workers started talking about how many centimeters she had dialated when her son was born. I was standing in a room full of people with no available chairs, getting that familiar nauseous feeling. I ended up sliding down the wall easily to sit on the floor because I was so faint!! I just kept my mouth shut, hoping no one would catch on!!

Over the years I've reached the point where this stuff doesn't bother me quite as bad as it used to (heard so much). It's just hard being around these young moms talking about it when it is so "non-pertinent" to you, and you just know that you'll never be able to handle it yourself.

I went to a seminar on pain management during labour and the doctor right out said something to the effect that "the women in this room have done two of the most dangerous things you can do - ride in a car and get pregnant." There *are* risks that just aren't often discussed.

I know two women whose doc made the wrong call during labour (should have had C-sections) and forceps were used. They both required at least one reconstructive surgery to repair their insides (bowel, bladder, I would assume sexual parts too). Also friends who have thrown up so much through the entire pregnancy, that they required hospitalization several times for dehydration. An internet friend who recently had her twins via C-section, almost 2 months early, because blood tests indicated that her liver was starting to malfunction more and more (part of pre-eclampsia - high blood pressure during pregnancy). Of course most people don't hit these extremes but the fact that I know all of these people indicates that it does happen.

Also, there are changes to the body ... one mom I know was on bed rest for half her pregnancy and her nice, round rear end disappeared - it went flat and wide - looks like she needs a belt to keep her pants up. Now, she had trouble getting pg and would trade her derriere any day for her babies, but still - that would bother me. I suppose she can build up again with the right exercise, though. Nevertheless it is possible to work out and have a great bod even after pgcy (for most people, as far as I know)so I don't think it's an excuse to let yourself get unhealthy.

For myself, I really enjoyed almost everything about pregnancy. I didn't get sick, had some pain but not much, etc. The worst thing was probably restrictions on food, because I do love wonderful food (especially red wine, sushi, soft cheese and runny eggs). While labour wasn't particularly fun, it wasn't horrible for me. In fact I felt strong, powerful and amazed at the whole thing. And we've also been really lucky on the sex front ... sex is even better now than before I got preg. Now this might have happened even w/o having kids, as a relationship matures and the partners grow with it ... but I think a bit of stretching actually helped us, since I am petite and my guy is much taller. Frequency is less for sure, but quality is better than ever I consider myself lucky because I really didn't know how risky the whole deal was.

Sure, preg & delivery is "natural" and all ... but so is a high rate of mortality for women during pregnancy and delivery. (didn't one of the Bronte women die during pregnancy, because she dehydrated?) There is a perception that it's not so dangerous, yet it IS. Why do you think men went through 3 wives back in the olden days - death during childbirth and too much childbearing were big reasons. If you don't really want to have a child/get pg in the first place, why on EARTH would you expose yourself to these risks - let alone all that comes after in actually being a parent?

Andie

Ps. Do NOT read this Ps. if you are squeamish! This will totally gross you out.


I am a science/biology type person - another reason why pgcy was fascinating to me, I'm sure. Anyway after delivery I asked for the placenta so I could take it home, and put it in the freezer until I had the chance to dissect it. It was so cool! As it turns out, the placenta had an abnormality in it (which did not adversely affect us) which could have caused a big risk, however things worked out so that it didn't. And they did not spot this on ultrasound. So even with technology you can't be sure.

Discovery Health cable channel shows actual births on some of their shows. Usually I turn the channel quick if those come on! Best birth control ever, though! I remember one show I actually watched for a bit. The woman was in labor, arriving at the hospital. She had had her first baby without any painkillers and wasn't going to let that happen again. She was chanting "Epidural, Epidural, Epidural" between breaths. Then they finally gave her the epidural, and she relaxed and said to the nurse "Hi, I'm Betty!" LOL!!!

Cindy

"So the sensitivity thing also affects all my senses: smell, sight (light sensitive), sound (I hear silent alarms in jewelry stores, for example), etc. So the shrill screams of children, REALLY get to me."

Me too!

The morning sickness is something I could never live with, either. My blood sugar issues and low weight wouldn't work at all with a daily pukefest.

Unlike most of you, I do like hearing or reading about medical details. Actually seeing any of it would cause me to pass out (and has), but I've always loved to listen to nurses talk about their day.

You're definitely not alone. I know how you feel! I'm not scared of pregnancy particularly, and even the weight gain...although it would be challenging and is not something I look forward to. But breast feeding scares the bejeezus out of me, and I have strong doubts I'd be able to do it. My breasts are extremely sensitive and sometimes I plain hate having them touched. Though the increase in size, if it stuck around, would be nice. Childbirth has also always scared me badly.

My fears are not reason enough for me to choose not to have children, because I generally try not to be ruled by fear, but it's kind of a bonus of not having them, that's for sure. Of course, I have fears related to not having kids too, but that's not enough to make me have them either.

I've always wondered why you'd want to grow the thing from Alien inside you, and then dump half your insides pushing it out. And look what you get at the end - a blob that screams and s***s. Yep, sign me up :-)

Yeah, sounds so appealing. If they can get so many people to sign up for parenting, I wonder what else they could get people to do, if everyone else was doing it?

I watched one show on Discovery Channel maybe? a long time ago about real births in real hospitals, just pretty much filming the women as they came in. Almost every single woman in that episode had major, major problems. Some were hemorrhaging and going into shock, I can't even remember the rest. I just remember crying hysterically and saying "I don't want to do that, I don't want to do that." Luckily, I was home alone at the time.