BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids God bless friends who get it...

I got a call today from a dear high school friend to whom I had not spoken in a while (busy schedules, etc). She needs some time away from DH, and is making a trip in my direction, kids in tow.

I was not about to tell her "no" if she asked if they could stay with us, which is what I was fully expecting. Instead she pleasantly surprised me by heading this issue off at the pass and telling me that she would be contacting a mutual friend of ours about staying with her because she didn't want to impose on me. Wow. I must say that I was totally blown away, not only by how tuned in she was, but to how well she knows me even though we have not spent significant amounts of time together in 19 years.

I almost felt like a heel for agreeing with her, but I said that our house is indeed not childproofed, and that while we don't have anything too fancy, we definitely have some breakables and other areas where kids would have to be watched constantly. Our mutual friend has two children and will be much better prepared for this scenario.

Anyway, just wanted to post this as a testimony that in addition to the occasional sweet, helpful, non-whiny child (in reference to another recent post!), there are also very thoughtful adults out there.

Seems like the situation is going to work out quite well for you. By the way, I love your avatar!

You are right. Some of my friends 'get it', as you say, but a lot of them don't. It's even hard for family to get it sometimes. A lot of times when I visit my family, and my nephews are there, 90% of the time is all about them, and very little about anybody else. Don't get me wrong. I love my nephews to death, but when I haven't seen my family for a few months, I do feel like spending time talking with them about their lives or mine, and not just about what my nephews did or didn't do, or what they want to watch on TV, or fighting because they don't want to eat, etc... I NEVER say anything to my family, but that's how I truly feel. They just don't get it, and I don't think they ever will, so I don't say anything to avoid any hurt feelings, or misunderstandings.

I agree that people like this friend are in the minority. I was so surprised by it that I just had to post it.

I think I must have had a sign on my back all these years that said, "Kids? Are you KIDDING?" or something, because none of my friends have given me the business about not having them. It's ironic, because I own a tutoring center and work with kids every day. I enjoy it but I also enjoy going home at the end of the day sans kids!

lngilbert - Thanks for the kudos on the avatar. It's not my dog, just a picture that I thought was too funny to pass up!

Lord, maybe, one day I will get the friend that gets it. My friends and/or associates seem to always respond with one crazy response after another.....
God bless those that get it...indeed

Bifumus,

I just had a positive experience this weekend. I got together with an old friend that I haven't seen in like ten years. She wanted to tell me about when happened when she had her first baby, but she said she wanted to find out my position on kids first. First of all, she acknowledged that it is a choice, not a given. How often does THAT happen. I told her my stance, and she was totally cool about it. I told her I was so thrilled by her reaction, because people are mostly negative when I say I don't want kids.

She loves her kids, but she acknowledges how intense and exhausting they are. She used the expression "they suck the life out of you" several times when describing them. Which is actually the way it is with my nephew, even though I adore him.

Anyway, her birthing story involving her being ripped from front to back during labor. She has always been literally a size zero, but it's easy to imagine this happening, but ouch!

She also told me what her son had done that day - he took his stuff out of his diaper and smeared it all over the deck. Hearing stories like that just reinforces my stance. That is just not a task I can perform (cleaning up feces). But she was really funny about her stories, and clearly is very happy, but completely understands why someone might not want to have kids.