BellaOnline Forums Relationships Relationships Correct me if I'm wrong, but ...

You're on a date and as enchanted as you are by your partner's humor, charm and looks, suddenly you hear a mispronunciation of a word just about everyone in the world knows how to pronounce. Do you ignore it or correct it?

Ah, trick question because it was I who did the mispronouncing, and I was embarrassed to hear it come out of my mouth that way � in slow motion, just like one of those horrific accident scenes in a movie. But before I could correct myself, Tom, aforementioned date, jumped on the chance to set me straight.

Thankfully, he turned it into a joke, but it got me thinking about what's the best way to handle mispronunciations and other assorted grammatical gaffes when you barely know a person (or even if it's a longtime friend or lover).

Some let it slide, perhaps empathetically feeling the other's pain or perhaps oblivious themselves to the error. Some not only can't ignore it, they want to rub your face in it � to feel better about themselves perhaps? And then others correct you gently, with a certain amount of wincing.

Always needing to correct a loved can, of course, be devastating to a relationship. I think of Edward Albee's intriguing play "The Goat, or Who Is Sylvia," in which the characters are forever correcting each others' grammar. In one difficult scene, the husband heart-wrenchingly confesses to his wife that he's in love with Sylvia, a goat, recalling when, how and where he first met Sylvia � at the top a hill � and she corrects him. "Crest," she says.

Ouch!

Do you need to correct your partner?
Would you rather someone ignore or call you on your own gaffes?
How problematic is it if you're on a first date? Do you think he's ignorant if he slips up? Do you worry he'll think that way about you?

Kat Wilder's My So-called Midlife

What an excellent question. I'd have to say that correcting someone you don't know very well, whether while on a first date or during a meeting of some sort, is bad manners unless (1) it's your name they're mispronouncing, (2) you're a teacher/trainer, or (3) it's a child you're correcting. Even then, the best way pedagogically speaking to correct someone is not to bring attention to the error but to simply use it correctly yourself during conversation. In other words, don't make a big deal out of it; just model correct usage instead. That way you avoid embarrasing the person and also avoid coming off as a pretentious jerk.

As for people you know bother, it depends a lot upon the relationship. I hang out with a group of people who will playfully correct and even make fun of one another's pronunciation, grammar, or vocabulary if someone makes an obvious (and amusing) blunder, but they're all prepared to receive criticism, as well. However, if it becomes too frequent, or it it's used to belittle someone, then it's a no-no. And it goes without saying that if someone's pronunciation problems are due to a speech impediment, dyslexia, or some other issue over which they have no control, it's not just rude to correct them, it can be downright cruel.

I agree, Alicia, especially the "belittling" part..
I always keep my ears tuned into that (maybe because I grew up in a household in which my dad often belittled my mom, for whom English is not her first language.).

There's are different ways to "correct" someone. It all gets down to the bigger issue �� can we communicate well, and can we "hear" that communication well, too.
Who said being human was easy?!?

i think the BEST way to handle this is to say before the uncertain word is used is to say:i don't believe that i can pronounce this word correctly, and let it go from there.

In your case, Kat, had I been the stranger across the table, I would have let go and see if you corrected yourself. If you didn't, I'd have waited for an opportunity to use the word correctly without drawing attention to it. Jumping in to correct someone (among adults, of course) is always rude. A polite questioning of the pronunciation between people who are close can be acceptable, though.

I'm mostly self-taught. A large percentage of my vocabulary has been gained through reading. The result is that I sometimes find need to use words that I am familiar with on paper, but have not encountered audibly. So I sometimes mis-pronounce things. Fortunately, my fiance is an intelligent man who is understanding of this. If I "flub" a word and fail to correct myself, he says something gentle like "I always thought it was pronounced ____." If I he has confidence in how that particular word should be said, I take his word on it. If he isn't 100% sure, we ask Webster's unabridged.

But we've known each other for years and he is aware of this weakness and my eagerness to correct it. Besides, he knows my vocabulary is better than his. I sometimes use words (correctly!) he's never encountered and need to explain. So we gain little bits of language knowledge from each other. If we were mere acquaintances, I'd likely take offense to correction regarding my pronunciations and he'd be less comfortable asking me what a particular word meant.

Thanks for your comments, myrabeth. Sounds like you and your fiance have a loving, respectful relationship. And one in which both partners want to help the other be the best he/she can be. Yay!!!