Yes, but we have some room for change. Why suffer more or longer than we need to? Why compound our problems? Why be completely passive and expect negative thoughts to just go away?
Helping myself move away from negative thoughts is a way of showing love for myself, just as it is when i try to comfort or cheer a friend.
I have suffered enough. I want to be happy.
I enjoy reading your words of self awareness and how you have decided you have suffered enough, Holly. Your description of happiness is lovely. I'd love to hear your plans for getting what you want
What do they look like through optimistic glasses?
What do they look like through optimistic glasses? hmmmm. *thinking*
It's easier to answer the first part... my plans for getting what i want. Some of what i'm trying to do, i think might help others. Some of it is specific to my own issues.
I found that in trying to become happier, some very simple changes worked surprisingly well.
As many of you know, i have trouble with night terrors and nightmares. I usually wake in struggle to leave those feelings behind, and in the first hour or so of my day, may feel depressed until i can do what i call "shaking it off."
Something i found recently that helps me tremendously to greet my day with happy expectation is simply to ask myself as soon as i can, "What am i looking forward to today?" I try to think of at least three things. Often things repeat.. for instance, i love teaching my classes and the company of the women who come to them, so i often think of that on days i teach.
This technique of asking what i'm looking forward to today, and other questions i have found, help me to orient my focus towards happiness and good things that are happening now, as opposed to the past and things that make me sad or insecure. One of the beauties of it, is it is so immediate. It's not about working at something so i can have what i want some time in the future, rather it is about noticing things "i want," things i enjoy, that are right here for the having. Before changing my focus those things were still here, but it was as if i was blind. The questions help me see. Some days i am more blind than others, and have to work harder to answer the question, but that just makes it more worth it. I have learned to be very careful what kind of questions i ask myself! I try now to ask questions that lead to happy thoughts, self esteem, problem solving, and not questions like, "why did this happen to me?" or, "why can't i do this?" Questions like that lead our mind to hopelessness. I may not be happy the first time i ask the questions. As yet, i don't always ask the right ones. It's like building a muscle... it gets better with practice. So i ask, and ask, and ask, every day... questions to bring my mind to things that give me joy and peace and strength.
Another thing that i want very much... is for my confidence and self esteem to be restored to what it was when it was at its best. I cannot adequately describe the joy, freedom, and ... productiveness i had during that time. Productiveness isn't the right word, but i don't know if the right word exists... it is so much more... but when i was free of fear and self confident, my gifts were able to come out from hiding and i was able to be at my best in art, work, personal growth, relationships, decision making, and so on,
i blossomed and i had a high level of energy and effectiveness. I don't have it worked out yet how to become more confident and feel better about myself... i have a few ideas. Need more. Need time to flush it out. But i know how important confidence is to "getting what i want" (as you put it, Tami). Confidence is needed for success, so it's well worth the effort.
I have learned that spending too much time on "healing" will not lead me to being healed. You can't become happy doing the things unhappy people do... like endless hours dwelling on "fixing" ourselves or examining our past tragedies or spending time with people who, perhaps through no fault of their own, make us feel disheartened. I have learned that to become happier, i need to replace the activities that i am doing and thoughts i am thinking when i feel unhappy, with things i think i'd like to be doing and thoughts of joy.
Sometimes i do something i call "the matching game." First, you need to start getting a good idea of where and who you would like to be..."if the sky is the limit," what you would like in your life, and what you would like to be doing. I started by making a collage out of magazine pictures... you wouldn't have to do this part, but i did. I like the visual inspiration, but you could also simply write a list. I looked in magazines for pictures of things i wanted in my future life. When i started it seemed "pie in the sky"... things i didn't think i'd get. In mine i cut out pictures of gorgeous gardens... vegetable and flowers. I cut out a car (at the time i first did this i was working on getting my driver's license), i cut out from a book catalog a book titled, "Damn, I Wish I'd Written That!"... that represented my desire to write books. I cut out a picture of friends sitting around a table in their yard sharing a good meal and laughing. I cut out a picture of a place where i wanted to travel. A livingroom i liked that was uncluttered and pleasant. I cut out a picture of a couple holding hands. I taped a dollar bill to the board. There were many more pictures... basically it was "happy thoughts"... you get the idea. For some of wants that are "intagibles" -- like love -- you have to find a creative representation. That's why i picked the couple holding hands. I pasted the pictures on a stiff board and kept the collage in my bedroom so i could see it as soon as i wake up, to remind me of where i am heading and who i am about... and then sometimes i play "the matching game,".... i pick something in my vision to do. My yard doesn't look like the picture on the board, but i can work in my garden just the same and make it more tidy. My body doesn't look like the gorgeous woman on the board working out, but i can exercise. I can write. I can invite friends over for a meal. This is how you do the matching game. First... you think of what you want... then, you do what you can to bring yourself closer. It works. One little step at a time. And it's the journey, anyway, that is life.
