BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids I like kids, but Im not sure I want them help

I agree I cant possibly have kids until my husband and I are sure we want them. I would say Tim 75% childfree right now. We just brought home our fourth dog a bulldog puppy and he is great and so much fine like a baby but not half the work. A young girland her mom who I know where playing wi9ht the puppy. We were talking about a mutual acquaintenance who had a baby and shoult not have had it. She is not cut out for motherhood and is prepared for none of the sacrifices, frankly I really pity hte child. The young girls mom was 40 when she had her daughter and was telling me how there is nothing wrong with waiting ot have kids or not having them at all and I should not let anyone pressure me to have them now or tell me Im running outof time. I realize she is right. Id rather not be a mom or at all or be an older mom who realizes this is really what I want hten have a kid before I really wnat one. If I did get older and had problems I could always adopt.

I guess I have "uncomfortable around kids" written on my forehead because today I went to buy cat/dog food at Walmart and a little girl (approx age 6) came up to me and asked me to help her reach a bracelet she had thrown in the air and landed on the top shelf. Her mother was on the next aisle over. I handed her the bracelet, she said thanks and left. Then she came back and said "are you still here?" and proceeded to ask me how many cats I had, how old are they, what are their names, etc.

Then says "what's your name?" I said Lauri, what's yours? She said ISYS (sp?) ... I said oh thats pretty! She said "yeah everyone says that!" ... by that time I was ready to run away from this little precocius person who wouldnt leave me alone. Her mother finally called her over as I sighed with relief. That was enough child contact for me to last the rest of the month!!!

Exactly! I have an hour commute to work each way, and I basically don't do anything during the week. I just relax in the evening, have dinner and go to bed. I require tons of sleep.

I actually watched my nephew all day yesterday - fed him, gave him a bath, etc., and got him up this morning and dressed for school. I had to get up 45 minutes earlier because I was responsible for another person. And when my alarm went off at 6:45, he was AWAKE - talking, singing and telling me he didn't want to go to school. There is NO WAY I would ever want to do that every day. I don't know how people do it.

I don't want to give up my lifestyle, either. I cherish my alone time, and time with my DH2B, and I can't imagine adding anything else to our already full schedule. I guess true parents are willing to make these sacrifices. But I just don't want it for myself.

Just remember, unless they are lying through their teeth, NO ONE likes their kids 100% of the time. You love them, sure, but like them? Not always. But that's okay, it's how we are with most relationships anyways.

I've said before, kids are like puppies. When you raise a puppy you love him, he's adorable and sometimes you just want to hug him all night. But sometimes, when you come home late maybe, you find that adorable puppy sitting in the middle of a couch cusion he was happily ripping to shreds while you were gone. Not so much like there, I imagine. It's great teaching him to roll over, etc, but potty training him is a bit of an ordeal.

Kids are not so different. You love them, they are adorable, they do cute things, they bring you flowers just because, they smile winningly at you and grab your heart. But sometimes you come downstairs to find they decided the fish wanted to walk on the floor, or decided the dirt in the plants pot looks better on the entryway rug, or any number of other irritating things.

I completely respect the decision to not have kids...or pets. It's a personal choice we all have to make for ourselves, and go with it. Not everyone has to agree with everything we decide to do. I have NO respect for people who decide to have kids and then decide it's too much trouble - that's very selfish and leaves the poor kid in a situation they didn't cause and can't do anything about.

Dez

Some great advice I have had from parents is "Don't have kids unless you really, really want them." These are wonderful, loving parents saying this. They are very honest about the challenges as well as the joys.

Everything has a tradeoff. You always gain and lose something with any major life choice. Some people know in their bones that they want kids, others are more ambivalent, but decide to have them.

DH and I had this conversation many times before our wedding. We are not having biological kids because of our age and lack of readiness/desire. We got married later in life (me 38, him 39). Maybe if we had gotten together when we were younger. But not now. Too many physical risks and not enough desire. I suppose there is a remote chance we would consider adopting one day, but there is only a finite time window for that, too.

It's a choice, and not an easy one. But the old saw that I would rather regret not having kids than regret having kids rings true for me.

You can have a wonderful, rich, fulfilling life with or without kids. It's important to sort out what you and your partner want, and to silence the cultural and social pressures so you can hear your own voices.

So true! It's so easy (in my experience) when it's just the two of you. But things become complicated when there is this tremendous pressure to reproduce. It's everywhere! I swear it comes up in conversation all the time.

I went to a networking event last night, and the talk of course went to two of the women's kids. The one was talking about her birthing experience, and the other mother looked at me, and said "she's never having kids!" She was kind of joking about it, though. It must have been my expression, I wasn't rude though, I swear!

Anyway, the other Mom said, once the new Mom left the table, that she never wanted kids. She had her teenage sister living with her years ago, and her sister was a nightmare, and she vowed not to have kids.

But then, she said, when she got older, she saw small children and thought they were "so cute." And they are (I know not everyone thinks they are). But, I don't get it. Her kids might be cute, but that doesn't mean they won't grow into horrendous teenagers like her sister. I guess people are willing to take that chance so they can have a couple of good years. Not me!

I'm so glad my fiance and I know we don't want kids.