BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Interesting reaction from co-workers

I just had an interesting experience that I thought I'd share with the group:

My husband is about to start a new job. For him it's a "dream job", one where he will be teaching art and will have a studio space, and more time to do his own artwork. (We're both artists BTW) He's taking a cut in pay to do this, but since we're CF, live very frugally, and have always saved our money, we can afford it.

Anyway, he's leaving his full-time job in the business world for the new job, and recently announced his plans to his employers and co-workers. Most of the people he works with are men in their 40s and 50s and all have kids (my DH is in his late 40s). Interestingly, his employers and co-workers all had the identical reaction to his news: they told him they were envious that he was able to do something he really wanted to do.

My husband and I were kind of surprised by this response. Over the years, many of my husband's co-workers have told him that having kids is "the best thing they've ever done." So I guess we assumed that having kids, for most people, is their main source of fulfillment. We were under the impression that parents had less of a need to be involved in creative work, because they derived a certain satisfaction from being able to provide for their children - in a way, kids are their "art projects." But apparently, people want more, and are envious of someone who has the option of making a major life change in middle age.

That is pretty cool that he got that reaction .... although, if it was you making that decision and informed your female co-workers, would it have evoked the same reaction?

Interesting point, Ingilbert. I have no idea how a group of women would react - I'm self-employed, so can't test it out. My guess would be that if some women were envious of my situation, they would feel less free to express it. After all, it's such a taboo for women to even consider their interests before the interests of their children.

I have 2 children and I make time for artistic and creative efforts. I am writing 2 novels, I love making altered books (I have had several be on display locally) and I enjoy making pictures with different mediums. Not to mention the writing I do for this site and several others! Yes my children are time consuming but you have to make time for what you love. I know soooo many parents who are like zombies where their world revolves around their kids. Even if you don't have children, you have to make time for "ME" time. It is the only way to keep your sanity most times!

My DH2B has been pretty open about the fact that we aren't having kids, and he doesn't seem to get the same pressure I get.

And, when he was telling his coworkers that we have a massage therapist come to our house every two weeks, they thought it was really cool. He told them that just to give them an idea of what our lives our like in contrast to people that have kids.

It DOES seem like it's more socially acceptable for men to have lives and interests. No one expects men to quit their jobs and stay at home with children. You NEVER hear that in conversation. But women are judged all the time for not wanting to sacrifice their lives so that a child can have one.

Congrats to your husband. I think I've mentioned this before, but being able to pursue creative interests is one of the reasons I don't have kids. I know it's possible - as Jeanette said above. But I also know it's more difficult when you are juggling kids in addition to having a job, etc. I couldn't do it at all. I'm tired a lot now, and feel like I don't have enough free time. I would have zero alone time with my spouse if we had kids, and probably no time at all for hobbies.

And I've also thought about not being able to take whatever job I want if I have kids. A lot of parents are just focused on making the most money they can, b/c kids are so expensive. And, sadly, they can't pursue a job they might really love that might not pay as much.

Kudos to the two of you for knowing yourselves, and carving out the life that is right for you.

I don't even think those women would even admit being envious.

You know, I think it is different for men because they still can leave at anytime and live a childfree life (deadbeat dad syndrome), even if they have children scattered through out all of the US and A. They appear to have the option to be a father regardless of the child actually being here.
It is just totally different for them. There seems to be this thought that it is something "additional" and "special" or "noble" if a man is really playing an active role in the life of his children. But, women have to do this regardless. It's like people are indifferent to fathers that are not involved (or CFminded men) but in awe of those that are active fathers.
Now, I am a feminist but not a man-hating feminist. I'm just pointing out what most of see when it comes to CFminded men and the almost nonexistent pressure for them to procreate.