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#320225 06/07/07 03:41 AM
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das Offline OP
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Most of the relationships end in pain. Why do we still desire to get into one? Should one not try to live life alone in happiness?

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das #320258 06/07/07 08:17 AM
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All relationships end in pain.
Is being alone any happier?
No. People hate being alone and in pain, so they find a relationship, but the happiness is transitory.
So - pain if you do, and pain if you don't.

Trick is, to rise above it.

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Because being alone is downright lonely, and even an abusive relationship isn't painful every minute. But I disagree that all relationships end in pain, though my grandmother would agree with you. My mother was in two bad marriages, and has been with my second stepdad for 23 years and sure they don't get along 100% of the time, but they do about 80% of the time and even when they argue it is more of a disagreement discussion than anything. It can happen.

Besides, it's less depressing to think it's possible to be happy with another person than to think all relationships are doomed.

Dez

Last edited by Dez; 06/07/07 08:41 AM.
Dez #320267 06/07/07 09:21 AM
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I would say that most relationships end in pain, not all. I have seen some couples in love for very long.

das #320283 06/07/07 10:13 AM
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A relationship is a living thing, and as such, it has growth and it has dormancy. There will be times it blooms, and times it withers - and there will certainly be times of heartbreak. You should try not to think of it in a linear fashion , i.e: the relationship begins and heads down this path of happiness on and on. It's circular ,as is all in life, and there are times the arc feels a long way from returning to a place of contentment. Does this mean every relationship should be maintained? No , some just won't work, and they should be left behind. But I think ( hope ) it does mean that there are painful times but we can use those times to stitch together new patches of our bonding.
Your remark about being alone does carry a bit of a clue. Maybe you could use some alone time to get centered within yourself and grow and explore. Sometimes we end up with a lot of painful experiences in relationships because we're not clear on what we are looking for. We can then make the mistake of picking the wrong people, or becoming enamored by the " first blush of love" stage of a relationship, which cannot last.
I'm alone now for the first time in a long time, and I am seeing myself clearly and seeing the ways in which I had problems within my last relationship because I overlooked my own changes and growth in order to adapt and conform to the relationship. Not only did I not grow- the relationship did not. Two emotionally atrophied people cannot produce a vital relationship.
If I could do it over, I would have spent time really getting in touch with myself before entering a relationship, and once I did enter one, I would ensure that we were both emotionally and mentally " signed on" for the long haul, and not just the ups and the highs.
As Maroon 5 put it ( lol ) " It's not always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along..."



Life's messy. Stay in your pajamas.
das #320303 06/07/07 12:43 PM
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To live is to suffer at some point. The alternative is death, I'd rather live and to the fullest I can.

What fulfillment in life has to be found by the individual. What makes one happy is not the same for another.


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Zebra
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All realtionships end in pain, because there is always the sadness of separation, even if it is due to death.
Death is the end to everything. It's not an alternative, HisBrandy - it's not like you have a choice - !!

The secret is to secure an inner joy for yourself so that whether you have a relationship or not, your happiness does not depend on the inclusion of Love from someone else.
To hang your hopes of some happiness on the presence of a significant other, is to set yourself up for a tumble, sooner or later. Whether self-inflicted, or brought about by 'Life' tripping you up.

People hate it when I talk in this way. I get argument, some of it hostile, but it's down to a natural human resistance to accepting that whatever happiness we want and achieve in our lives, it is transitory. And so, by the way, is the cruddy stuff.
you have to treat the two, and accept them in the same way.

Hevk, you know, I wasn't born with this thinking. I had to learn it and accept it, too, but It's true.
I'm not saying you should do likewise, but I would ask you to burn an irrefutable argument in it, if you can.

And trust me, it actually isn't pessimistic, gloomy or negative.


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In my spiritual beliefs, death is the end and the beginning. It ends things as I know it but begins another part of the journey of my spirit.

You live or you die..there is no in between. I choose to live to the fullest until my path heads elsewhere.









Last edited by His Brandy; 06/08/07 08:16 AM.
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das Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: His Brandy
To live is to suffer at some point. The alternative is death, I'd rather live and to the fullest I can.

What fulfillment in life has to be found by the individual. What makes one happy is not the same for another.



Bold text- this deserves a place in quotes book.

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Zebra
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Originally Posted By: His Brandy
In my spiritual beliefs, death is the end and the beginning. It ends things as I know it but begins another part of the journey of my spirit.

You live or you die..there is no in between. I choose to live to the fullest until my path heads elsewhere.


Ah, Gotcha!! Ruddy good point, excellently presented!!

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