BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids True Mom Conf.- AKA- Dark Secrets of Motherhood

So I was hanging out with my sister and mentioned to her how I am adicted to TMC and find it very eye opening/entertaining/horrifying/educational.

She said that if I keep reading that web site I'll never have kids. I said, I don't think that, but I do find that mothers (you included) never tell the TRUTH about motherhood, and she said well I'll tell you after you have a baby. UM HELLO!!!!!

Why is motherhood and pregnancy such a cult of secrecy???

Hi Pinkbows,

I agree with you, there is this a code that women can't speak evil of the institution of motherhood.

To me, they don't want to tell us because they want us to go through what they go through. And I agree with your sister, if many women KNEW the TRUTH, many wouldn't reproduce.

Did she dispute what you found on that website?

She didn't deny the truth in the web site, but said there is middle ground. Some of those women seem totally strung out, others seem prefectly happy. So, you can't compare yourself to them because everyone has a different reality. So she was probably telling me a little bit (1) it's not really that bad so don't read those sad confessions because you are smarter/better/more ready financially and emotionally and you have a good husband etc etc etc. That's actually where I thought she was going, but then she made the comment that she wasn't going to tell me the TRUTH until I had a baby or got pregnant, I mean, what the heck? So that leads to option (2), don't read it because it's true and our secret is out.

I told her that I don't like the unexpected and considered it educational and therefore helpful. I feel more prepared knowing these things that not knowing. Ignorance is bliss might work for some people, but not me.

Pinkbows:

I agree that people that are prepared and have a strong marriage probably do much much better. But it also depends on the kid. Having a healthy, mentally capable child is a lot easier than one with physical or mental handicaps.

But money can buy help, and having money makes life so much less stressful. I've also seen good husbands change when the baby comes along.

I agree - I think it's really important to do research when making major, life-altering decisions.

It's funny, though, because people don't refer to other things in the life in the same way. I don't feel the need to not come clean about how things are at work - I'm pretty open about them. I also tell the truth about my sometimes crazy family. That's just how I am.

But motherhood I think is a lot tougher than other things in life, and that's why there is this weird code of silence.

The Code of Silence! Apparently, parenthood can't handle a few people venting about how difficult it is? What about being an informed consumer --- know everything you can going in, the upside and the downside. Wouldn't that be what's advocated by smart people in any other situation?

As I've said before...if the product was so damned fabulous, it wouldn't need such relentlessly excellent, wall-to-wall PR.

So that leads to option (2), don't read it because it's true and our secret is out.

Oooh, Pinkbows! Wow. I'm liking the way you're thinking!

I told her that I don't like the unexpected and considered it educational and therefore helpful. I feel more prepared knowing these things that not knowing. Ignorance is bliss might work for some people, but not me.

When is more knowledge ever a bad thing? I certainly don't want to be involved in any enterprise where less knowledge is preferable.

Motherhood has also been perceived, until recently, as unavoidable...so there's a lot of profound rationalization about it. The very existence of CF people bursts the bubble of people who hold these rationalizations. No wonder they're all so annoyed.

In terms of saying that people have a strong marriage, have money, etc., and therefore can "withstand" parenthood? Feh! Sure, it would help, but if you don't want kids, you don't want kids.

At the risk of being blunt: As the donkey said, "God gave me a tail to keep away the flies...but I'd rather have no tail and no flies".

If you don't want children --- regardless of your resource levels --- that is more than enough reason to make an absolutely, unequivocally, 100% ironclad decision NOT TO HAVE THEM.

I think there are too many people who do less research on having kids than they do when buying a car! And most people keep cars for a few years, kids are for LIFE! LOL! I can just imagine an article in Consumer Reports about the pros and cons of investing in children! LOL!

Cindy

Hee hee hee! Funny idea. Not sure how that would work though, because Consumer Reports can recommend a model all it wants, but you can't choose to get that model!

Yep! I just think of Consumer Reports because we subscribe to it, and every time we consider buying something, my husband says "What does Consumer Reports say?" It's kind of funny! It's like he can't make a decision without the input of C.R. LOL!

Cindy