BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Self Development Self pity

To all,

I have posted only from my own knowledge and experience on these forums.

Hollyelise contacted me by PM and stated that she was concerned that my post in the Self Development Forum in the 'Self Pity' thread would be harmful to Das and others. It has never been my intention to do anything but support other survivors.

Holly also felt I should have posted my comments privately to Alexandra, and that personal comments should not have been made on the forum. However, I would point out that my post was not the first to become personal. In the post preceeding my response, Alexandra had said this:


thus ending all communication with me, even though we had been friends, and corresponding since the time when she lived in France. So a private response to her was not possible.

As for being personal, please look at this comment below which was suggesting that I do not want to heal:



This denies all that I have achieved in my life and makes it count for nothing.

So, to all of you who have all the right answers, I bow in homage, and will cease as from now to be a destructive influence on others here.

I wish you all good fortune.

Patience.

How is it even possible for someone else deny all you have achieved in your life and make it count for nothing? No one can erase your accomplishments by voicing their own opinion. But you cannot control others, patience, or force their opinions to be the same as yours.

I have myself found much valuable wisdom in things you have said, though not so much in the last few days when you have been so angry, self-righteous, and obsessive. You do not seem well, and by your own disclosure, you are not well. I am concerned about you and it was my hope that you would take whatever time was required to see to your needs, re-balance and calm yourself, and then return to us soon, because we enjoy your contributions, at least I enjoy them when you're not intentionally trying to upset and encourage conflict.

I am very sorry you are feeling hurt, patience. I don't know what to say about that except that i feel you are twisting what people say to imply enmity. I don't feel like your enemy, i thought i was a friend. I don't always agree with you, however. Nor should i, or anyone else. We should each be of our own opinion. I would guess Alexandra does not feel like your enemy either, and i don't think she meant to upset you with that first comment. But i think people are becoming exasperated because you just will not leave off trying to encourage conflict and upset unless they agree with you in every way, and that is not right. You need to figure out a way of handling it in a healthy way when people have opinions that differ from yours and not be so threatened by it.

Please, please, take care of yourself. Know that we all care about you and wish for your healing and safe return.

Dear Holly,

With all respect, I cannot see where Patience has done the following:



Do others think this, I'd like to ask?

Patience has not posted since the one in the 'Self Pity' thread, except for the final post to the three threads that she has been contributing to - to say goodbye, and why. Are you perhaps confusing Percy's posts with hers, as he has posted under her ID?

Anyway, you need not be concerned, as she will not be back.

The point about having what she has achieved denied is, I think, because she knows that if she had not been healed from the 'initial abuse', she could never have accomplished those achievements. She achieved them in spite of the legacies she was left with, and these are what cannot be changed, namely the Dissociative Identity Disorder. At her age, there is no cure for that.

Ann.

Holly,

Sometimes we need to be just together with someone. When we preach that may make an eruption like Volcano. I have experienced this.

I do not think that patience has intentionally tried to upset and encourage conflict. I know what patience is looking for. I can understand that. Alexandra adopted the role of mentor of patience and then said that she wanted to do nothing with patience because she was not changing. That was the crux.

No body should try to be a mentor first. For that one needs more qualifications than good English and vocabulary.

I resent that remark.
I never adopted the role of mentor, either here or anywhere else, neither would I ever assume such a thing.
Secondly, I have never said I don't want anything to do with her because she was not changing.
How dare you say such a thing with no basis?

And as for your third point, people come on here every day seeking advice and counsel from others, most of whom are neither qualified nor accredited. You have sought advice yourself from others, as has your good friend CDMohatta, in the past, so i fail to see your point here.
I'm sorry to speak so harshly, das, but it seems to me that you, more than anyone, are intent on fanning the flames of discord here, by constantly referring to the argument, and using it as a further platform for dsiscussion elsewhere, which frankly does nothing to permit the situation to calm itself.

Let this argument die.
The whole thing began with you, pl. do not blame me.
No use getting angry with others.
I stand by what i said.
But as you told patience, No more talk.

Alexandra,
please stop hurting me.
Please. I request.
I do not want to hurt myself physically.
But I am already getting very hurt emotionally.
Please. I request you.

Why do you keep, posting such things on forum? Why don't you communicate with me through PM's if things are so bad with you?
I have not hurt you,
I have not insulted you,
I have never lied to you,
I have always always intended only the very best for you, but I can't seem to make you believe me or understand that.
I have always tried to respond to your posts with kindness and consideration, but you seem to wish to believe that I wish you harm.
Nothing could be further from the truth.

If something needed saying, I have always chosen to use PMs in an effort to maintain dignity, politneness and respect for you, because airing some matters on forum helps nobody.

Das, if you would rather I did not read or respond to your posts, please say so. I will reluctantly put you on ignore, and comply with your requests.
But don't expect me to just sit here in silence and permit you to air your grieviances in public with no reply from me.
That is unfair.

Dear Das,

Just pause for a moment - take a few deep breaths and close your eyes and think of something that gives you joy.

It also helps if you have a look at yourself in a mirror and see how beautiful you really are. See yourself as that innocent little girl. Now. You wouldn't want to hurt her, would you? Of course not!

I wish you could see me smiling at you right now, and reaching out with love to comfort you - because I am doing that - in my mind - across the miles - I'm right there, at your side.

You are not alone. I am not alone, and all is well. It really is.

Patience is not in pain. (she is resting inside, in our 'Paradise Place' - surrounded by beautiful trees and flowers and gentle animals. This is where we spend much of our time when we are 'inside'. We created it when Patience was only a baby and was first hurt. We have added to it over the years and it is indeed a marvellous place. So she is OK - truly.)

Let me share with you a very personal poem that Patience wrote over 40 years ago for a suffering child she knew. It is now her gift to you -

We love you Das!

Ann and Patience.

POEM FOR A SUFFERING CHILD

Don't weep, my love,
Your eyes are far too beautiful for tears!
Let me share your pain?
For I have known all those unkind words
That injure innocent ears.

Don't weep, my love,
Your heart is far to young to harbour fears!
Let me comfort you?
For I have known how the world can hurt
Those of tender years.

Look up, my love!
For are the birds not singing in the trees?
And I love you!
The world knows not the ways of peace,
But I understand your fears
So please, don't weep!
Your eyes are far too beautiful for tears.

---------------
Patience. 1965.
---------------