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Hi Everyone,

I didn't know just where I should post this, so if it's in the wrong place, please feel free to move it?

It's Percy here and I'm writing for Patience.

As you know, I am the 'protector' in Patience's DID system. (In case you aren't familiar with the term, people with DID have many different 'parts' which make up the whole person. This is called a 'system'. They all split off from the original child as a result of extreme abuse. Each part has a specific role, and mine is that of protector.)

Well we have one very destructive part which we call 'IT' and this part blames Patience for all that happened regarding the abuse. This part was strongly influenced by the lies of the abusers, and still believes those lies.

If this part surfaces (comes out) it often hurts the body, not realizing that the body belongs to ALL of us. It thinks it is just hurting Patience.

We all react differently to injury, and I rarely suffer the pain because that is felt mainly by Patience, who chooses to protect the rest of us from physical pain, and also, she is the one most frequently 'out'. My 'protector' role is to provide protection both inside, and outsde - where possbile. Unfortunately, this time I was hobbled and unable to perform my duties!

Well, to cut a long story short, Patience has retired 'inside' for a while because something said on another thread got 'IT' angry with her - blaming her for a whole lot of stuff - and 'IT' came out this evening and launched an attack on the body - to hurt Patience. (this is how self-mutilation often happens with DID people, it is usually a destructive part that does it.)

So Patience has some bruises and a fractured toe, but she is OK. She's just 'inside' taking a breather and some 'time out'. I am dealing with 'IT"!!!

I was sadly unable to protect her because she had me 'secured' so I couldn't write more posts to the forum which would upset people, so I wasn't able to help stop this assault.

Just wanted to explain why she won't be posting for a few days. She's pretty sore right now.

She'll be back when she's had some time to heal. In the meantime, Ann and I are running the company

She sends her good wishes.

Percy.

Patience is physically hurt? Broke her toe? Because of someone hurt her on this forum? That is nasty. That is shocking. Does her toe pain a lot?

Hi Percy..

I know that we may have had some differences.. but I do hope you know that anything that I have ever said was not meant in any way as a personal attack on any of you. I honestly did not realize that there were psychological issues that you were dealing with.

Although I can't say that I understand, for I can never even begin to feel what any of you must have had to deal with, I can relate a little bit. My 23 year old son is bi-polar, and when he goes into his "bad ogre" stage as he calls it, he has some real issues dealing with daily life, as do those around him.

In the past he would become so violently angry that I am lucky there are walls still standing in the house. He broke both hands on several occasions hitting anything that did not move (fortunately). He never hit anyone but inanimate objects took a beating as well as his own body.

Most medications made it worse, but he has learned through therapy, and a combination of holistic as well as traditional medicine treatments to deal with his anger.

In his case, he was not abused... it is a chemical imbalance in his brain that is the culprit. As he says, he has no referree between the two halves of his brain. And, he is totally empathic on top of everything else, and feels the anger of the world at times.

I do see the pain he has had to deal with in learning to live with his "it". So, I can imagine the pain that Patience and all of you must go through dealing with yours.

Please give her a hug for me.. and hugs for all of you... and I sincerely apologize if our debate was a contributing factor.

Love and Light..

Hi Das,

Not exactly! She wasn't really hurt by what anyone said (though she WAS angry!) but this destructive part believed what was said because it resonated with what the abusers (one was a priest) said, and it began to blame her. It 'hurt' her physically, to 'punish her' for not 'obeying' the direction, or 'command'.

I should add that most people with DID have an 'IT"! This is usually a part that is very young and probably the one who suffered the most. Because it is so young, it cannot be 'reasoned with' and it 'acts out' like a kid having a tantrum.
It is easily influenced and often takes the part of the abusers, because they were able to 'brainwash' it into believeing that what they were doing was right, and Patience was wrong to resist.

So, when anything goes wrong, or if this young part hears something which resembles what it was told by the abusers, it believes it and then abuses the host (Patience).

It is very, VERY common in DID.

It only became violent after Patience and the rest of us became co-conscious. It must have seen this 'teamwork' as a threat. Also, because it is so young (possibly no more than three or four) it is hard to 'get through' to it. It won't 'come out' and talk to the therapist, and sees everyone else in the system as an enemy.

It has even been suggested that it was 'put there' in the 'programming' by the abusers. This can happen too.

A scientific explanation (we consider all these as possibilities)is that it may be introjection - where this part has incorporated the aspects of the abusers.

Here is an interesting quote which explains this:

Quote: Introjection is a psychological process where the subject replicates in itself behaviors, attributes or other fragments of the surrounding world, especially of other subjects.

The jury is still out on what 'IT' is!! We only know that it exists independantly of the rest of us. It might even be a negative script. Who knows?!

Don't let it worry you. I am back in control of the system again, and it won't happen again while I'm 'on duty'!

Percy.

Hey, Linda, it wasn't anything you said, and I have no hard feelings.

I actually think you're pretty cool, and I like the things you believe about Nature and the environment. I feel the same way, and so do the rest of us. (take a peek at what I wrote about Patience in the 'self development' forum. I think you'll be right in tune with a lot of what she has done. )

I am so sorry about your son. I understand bi-polar because many people with DID also suffer with this. Gee, please give him a hug from all of us? Tell him he's a brave bloke, and we'll send him lots of positive thoughts.

Our little debate and disagreement was nothing! Just a difference of opinion. No grudges!

So please Matie, don't think this was anything to do with our little spat!!

This happened because someone told us stuff that was like what our abusers told us. It triggered us all, but it brought 'cousin IT' out of hiding, and kicking and punching.

We are a close-knit bunch -(except for 'IT'!!!) Patience gets protective of me and Ann, and I get protective of them. We're sort of like a family. We hold meetings and make decisions together, and we have two littlies, 6 and 9, who are wonderful kids. We have a teen girl too, who looks after the kids.

Ann and Patience are in the process of integrating (Ann will return to 'oneness' in Patience's mind - where we all originated and really are all the same person, just separated by necessity.) This makes Patience a bit more sensitive and vulnerable as this process is taking shape. The blending of memories and stuff can be hard after all these years.

We had a baby and a three year old who integrated about six years ago, but integrating an adult part is hard coz they are more set in their individuality. It's a fascinating subject, and is proof of the power of the mind of a child. (Splitting apparently can only happen before the age of 7!! After that, if abuse continues, you can continue to split, but initially, you have to be under 7. Interesting, eh?)

I could tell you so much really interesting stuff about it - such as the fact that different parts can have different blood pressure - some don't need reading glasses while others do, and some have even been found to be diabetic, while others aren't! Medical tests have proved this. So, there's a lot there that could be researched if only someone was interested.

You know, there's a lot to be said for simply getting to know eachother. I reckon it sometimes takes something like this to draw people closer together.

Thanks Linda for the hugs. (We always love to get those!)

One day when we can talk again, I'll tell you about how we create our 'world' inside. I have a castle in a forest, with animals and waterfalls and stuff. The kids have what they call their 'Paradise Place' and it is the most beautiful place, with fairies and the trees have nature spirits in them. We create all this with our minds! You'd LOVE it if you could see it!

So, Matie, - peace, love and blessings from us all!

Percy.

Had I - for one - known that this could happen, I'm sure for my part I would have been more cautious and meticulous about wording and expressing any comments or communications.
I learn something new every day, but Gosh! There are things I so wish I'd known before.

Wisdom in hindsight is better than none at all. But in this case, it was wisdom too late.

Ann.

I don't get it.

Ann means it is nice you recognized a wrong doing Alexandra, but that you cannot undo what has been done.

We all get a little excited when debating things on here, and sometimes things that we say in print come off a lot harsher than they would in real life. That is one of the bad things on these forums - there's just really no way to tell "inflection".

I know Alexandra did not do anything intentional to cause pain to anyone.

I also know that when dealing with a mental illness it is hard to separate the personal feelings. I myself am bi-polar, although mine tends to run way more to the depressive side than the manic (my doctor calls it type 4 bi-polar) and I also suffer from straight out depression. It is hard sometimes not to become very involved in some discussions - which is why I will just drop out for a time, to give myself some "calming space".

My heart goes out to Patience, and my hopes for a speedy recovery. She is a good soul, and has been through a lot in life. I very much admire her for her spirit and courage.