BellaOnline Forums Relationships Relationships Everything seems different now

Hi everyone

I am not sure where to start but he goes.

I got with my dp about two years ago. We both met through some mate of mine. Well we didn't meet we kind of swapped number was talking as friends for awhile then got together.

I was actually pregnant when we like started talking and he had a girlfriend,. Remember I was still loving some guy too. Then in 2005 I had a stillbirth and think thats how we got closer. He would call and talk to me and he even talked me into going to the funeral. I couldn't face it was too upset. Then after several chats on the phone we decided to meet each other. So when we met don't think he fancies me and neither did I. We were just friends and he would talk about his girlfriend alot. Think they split up but remained friends. They use to talk on the phone alot etc.Then we would go out places and he would come to my house and even met my mum. Then as we hang out people would think we were together which was embarrassing. So when he came back to mine house he fell asleep and he knew he could stay if he wanted. Didn't want to sound so easy so left the choice up to him. So he woke up and left and the next he told me he had a dream he kissed me lol. So that evening I think he went to speak to his ex and I spoke to my friend who said he like me. I didn't believe her and when we met up he was in a weird mood and so was I. So eventually he told me he say is ex and certain things were said. Then think we kissed that evening and we got together.

So things were going well but then as I said he remained friends with his ex. Started feeling like they were always chatting on the phone and realised he still loved her. As he even would show me pics of her on the computer too which upset me but didnt tell him that. I was so annoyed that I even checked his mobile and saw some text saying I still love you okay. We then had this argument and he told me I didnt trust him. Think I had every right to suspect him and her. So after I spend the night with him he got a call and he decided to come to my house. Suddently the plan changed and he said she's got a problem with her daughter and said he was going to see her. I was upset and felt second best for awhile. Then don't know what happened but he kind of distant himself from me and I didnt see him for a week or so. Then he was coming one day but something happened he didn't come. Never really answered my texts. So in the end he came to my house the next day and he told me he and her are no longer friend which I had to ask him why. Something about her ex now and he got upset but thought he's with me why be upset. Alot of things I realised too that he was jealous of things too. We did get on better and eventually our relationship got stronger but would wonder why he didn't say he loved me. He's not the sort of guy to come and kiss your and hug you etc. Everything I had to do. Kiss him and cuddle him and was told I was too clingy. Then things did get better he said you should know I love by things I do for you. So things really changed between us and he did fall for me and I was so happy. Then as I was still grieving for my baby he helped. We started trying for a baby but it took like a year then I feel pregnant with our baby boy.

Now the baby's here its me who feels weird now. I dont want sex really and started to wonder if we got together for the wrong reasons. I wondered if I love him and then this dream kind of scared me because it was about him leaving me for another woman. I think that proved I still do. I am now started wonder if he still loves me or if I bore him. I never really have sex with him and still feel that our sex is not great. Think he wished the sex we had was like what he had with his ex. Feel like I am trying and trying to please him in everyway. Especially as I feel like he will leave me one day. I feel now he is only with me because of our son and feel trapped. I want to ask him has our relationship changed does he still feel the same toward me. Think he does but not sure if I do. Maybe its the fact I just had a baby and all my forcus is on him so time with him does not exist. Sex never really get time and if he do its different. We do plan to move in together but something tell me we are going to break up.

Could anyone offer advice please

sorry it long

Having a baby is a big change in the dynamics of a relationship, and frankly, I don't know many women at all that want sex after pushing that thing out, lol. I sure didn't, after either of my children. There are a lot of reasons for that, the biggest is that your body needs to recover, but also you are probably tired from caring for the baby and if your SO is like most guys then he isn't helping much.

I'm no expert, my SO became pretty abusive after each of my children was born, physically after my second. He liked to pressure me into sex, and sometimes I would give in for the sake of peace. Thing is, if he had been nice to me, helpful and understanding, and willing to wait for me instead of pressuring me, by about 3 months after delivery I would have been ready. For me, that was not to be.

I would probably suggest asking mom to watch the baby some night and sitting down with SO and discussing things the way you see them. Much better to be open about how you feel then to have things implode because of deep misunderstandings, but if he feels like you do, just remember that the baby isn't a good reason to stay together.

Dez

Thank you for advice

I do love him but everything feels weird because its the baby and really nothing more. Last night I was hugging my boyfriend in and so was he. Think we do love each but we just don't get our time. I normally say to the baby you going to bed its mummy and daddy time.
Think I am just worried because everything is going and after having a baby expecting him to walk or cheat like most men do. He's not like that and yesterday he made a comment about why I was spending time texting my mate when had just seen her. He said you wonder why I play on my xbox. So think he is feeling neglecting and no sex aswell. Really dont want him to go elsewhere which I dont think he will. Most men would but it our case I think probably he would tell me first that he wants to breakup before going to another woman.

Maybe the thing to remember then is that having a baby is just as big a life change for him as it is for you. For women we see the responsibility in terms of care and time, but for guys they mostly see the responsibility in terms of support and cost. Either way, those first 6 months can be hard, after that I think things smoothe out.

I think explaining to him that you're just not up to sex, but would love a cuddle might be good, but you know him. Certainly some men cheat, but I don't think that most do. Maybe the best thing is to look at him and remember what you got together with him in the first place for. Try to remember why you love him, try to see that again. It just sounds to me from the little you've put up here that you've both let the babies arrival distract you from each other.

Good luck

Dez