BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids It takes a village parenting

It IS obnoxious. But the scary thing is, everyone else caters to her illusion! I am literally the only one that doesn't. So she continues to think her way of thinking is right.

They say "I am doing it for the child." But my sister should have to take some responsibility for her son. She's done about 10% of the work involved in raising him.

I had to get into a codependency group to get a hold on all of it, and to set boundaries. Especially since I was the only one that wasn't dedicating my life to helping my sister.

I guess this is especially why I favor birth control and even abortion. Some people should never be Moms, and the kids suffer. I can't even begin to tell you what my nephew has been through.

When no one offers to babysit so my sister can go out, she says in front of my nephew "I wish I had an abortion." Horrible. The poor kid!

Happy, that's such a horrible thing for her to say around her child. My SIL has a teenager from her first marriage - her husband didn't want kids and asked her to terminate the pregnancy - she refused (not out of spite, she just felt strongly that it's something she couldn't do). However, in spite of not wanting kids, he has been a decent dad. Eventually they ended up divorced (for a lot of reasons other than the kid). But HER mother (DH's step mother) every now and then STILL shakes her head and mutters "and to think he didn't even want her" usually when the kid has done something exceptional in school or something. Eventually the kid is going to figure out what she means and either be really upset with dad or really upset with grandma for accusing dad of saying that.

It makes me sick. First, why is it so wrong to voice that you don't want your spouse to have a kid you haven't planned? And in spite of that, he's been a decent dad, and he obviously loves his kid. And how long is she (stepmother) going to beat that horse? I just wish people would think about what they're saying before it falls out of their mouths.

And she's the MIL who wanted all her kids/stepkids to pump out a million babies so she could do daycare duty.

I just can't imagine my parents volunteering for daycare duty. They are presently planning a cruise that goes from Los Angeles to Auckland, New Zealand, for this fall. They'll be gone at least three weeks! I'm so jealous. Think they'd be able to do that if they had to be daycare grandparents? No way. They enjoy their freedom during their retirement and who would I be to try and deny them that if I had a kid I wanted them to take care of? That would be pretty selfish of me, I'd think.

Cindy

That's one thing that scares me about how vocal I can be with family members who press me to have a baby - they know how I feel. What happens if (and a big IF) I change my mind one day? I'm pretty sure, especially with some of the people in my husband's family, that it would leak out to the kid that I vehemently did NOT want kids.

Oh well, just another reason not to have kids!

I just can't imagine, though, why anyone would ever say anything like "I should have had an abortion" or "he didn't want her" - not only around the child, but around anyone else? That is so petty and hurtful.

I'm pretty lucky regarding this issue. I watch my sister's 3 kids sometimes and she's great about helping out if I need someone to let the dog out, etc. If I felt obligated I'd feel a lot differently about it. I love my nieces but don't want to be around any kids 24/7. My sister is very understanding about it.